to think school are heavy handed in making report to SS

[anothername4this]

Name changed for obvious reasons.

Going through DC2's bag looking for homework. find letter from headteacher stating that they have 'reported' me to SS.

Was . No idea of this.

Their letter said they have concern regarding arrangements made for picking DC up from school. DC2 is in year 5, collected from school by DC1. Lots of others in school do same. DC1 is sometimes late (but only 5-10 mins at worst - this is if lessons finish late, class detention etc). Again, others are similar.

School deny having any contact numbers for me and DC dad. They have my mobile, DC dad mobile, my work, and my house phone. DC dad doesn't have work or house phone. They say that they have had problems contacting us.

I can think of 2 occasions. Once before Xmas, DC1 thought DC2 was at a friends after school so didn't collect. I received call on mobile 15 mins after school ended. I called DC1 who went straight there and collected 20 mins later. I apologised to school for mix up.

Earlier this month, DC dad was meant to collect. School called my mobile (which I'd lent to DC1 for day) and DC1 attended - albeit late - to collect.

At no time did school try my work no. They have complained in past I don't answer my phone immediately but if I am on work call/in meeting I can't. Also DC dad is a builder and if up a ladder, driving to job etc can't always answer immediately either.

I am concerned because there were issues a year or so ago with DC dad which resulted in police being called. These were not related to DC, but my understanding is in domestic cases SS are notified. I did get a letter subsequently saying they weren't concerned given the particular circs, didn't feel there was any threat to DC, but would have to do more if anything further happened.

So this has really worried me.

I know that the lateness must be annoying. But am sure other children are picked up or come in late (one child in DC2s class has been late for school every morning since year one). And the school have made no mention of the content of the letter to me, nor have they tried to speak to me.

Am angry and sad, and scared. AIBU to think this was wrong of them?

valium - they're 10 and 13. On days when DC1 collects DC2 yes they're at home alone for up to 2 hours after school.

Haven't read to the end of the thread yet...but:

regardless of whether or not the school has a genuine concern, a letter in the book bag is an inappropriate way of contacting OP. It should have gone in the post.

another name who can the kids contact in an emergency when they are at home and you are at work? Do you think that because you are not easily contacted and the issues with pick up that alarm bells are ringing for the school? I think that the fact the letter was sent home in a book bag is shocking.

1. I'd be very cross that they'd sent such a letter in the school bag - they notoriously don't resurface or what if dc had opened it??

2. 10 year olds can/do/often walk themselves home from school. Schools usually provide wrap around care. If you want 10 yr old to wait for 13 yr old maybe he ought to go into after school club and be collected from there? (potential solution although is usually costs)

3. I am a teacher who works 45 mins away. Unless it is an emergency, I cannot be contacted in lessons, and if called to pick up, would have to arrange quick cover and leave, probably be an 60-75 minutes away - just like your circumstances and I hardly be expected to be reported to SS

So either there is more to it, or the HT is being a bit jumped up.

if it was a serious emergency like a fire or similar, they know to call 999.

If it was anything more minor, but they needed to ask for help/what to do, they would call me, their dad and/or grandparents, or would go next door to our neighbours.

kangaroo sadly there's no wraparound care in the school. Only afterschool club is at a nearby school but no places.

Just think of it from the schools POV for a sec.

Parents unreachable (have they got your new works number? - you mentioned you had changed jobs)

When parent is contacted it then takes 1.5 hours to get to the school.

Often picked up late by a sibling. - think about this one for a minute - assuming you have a 9-5 job would give the impression to school that you are not home until 7 o clock (given the time it took you to reach them once)

If they can't contact you by phone how are they supposed to contact you other than bookbag? It's not their fault you don't check it. They are following a procedure that is put in place to protect children who ARE at risk. I am not saying that yours are - i can only go off your posts on this thread. It's SS job and not the schools to investigate - if necessary.

Then I'd use that as a stick to beat them with. You cannot be the only working parent with a 10yr old child at the school. Ds could walk himself home. Ds could meet up with his brother outside school premises. I'm not saying his should do this but maybe that's what others do and haven't come to the school's notice?

Or there is something else that concerns them? Either way cannot see busy SS jumping all over this one.

The school should have talked to you first about their concerns before recoursing to SS and their letter in a bag, fgs.

Important letters are posted home.

To ensure they get there/are not opened by the pupil.

WHat are the drop offs like? Are they on time? And is DS2 dropped off by you? dad? DS1?

You know the lateness must be annoying! OMG, get the child picked up on time if your other child cannot do it PAY someone who can.

It is irresponsible to not ensure that your child has someone to collect them from school ON TIME.

DanceintheDark - I have given them my work number at least once, so they should have it. Completed an updated contact card a while ago when I started this job, and I remember them asking for my work number when I was on the phone once after that.

Re it taking me 1.5 hours getting to school, to be fair that was a one-off and 5 years ago.

I do think they should have posted letter to me, not book bag.

Getting to school is normally ok. Dc2 normally arrives 10-15 mins early, but has been late 3 times this year. Various reasons. DC1 and 2 walk part of the way to school together, then DC2 walks the rest of the way on his own (about 10 min walk). I drop him off once or twice in the week as well, on those days he is always early.

My mother went back to full-time work from the time my younger sister turned 11 and went to secondary school - we made our own way to school and back and were home alone for upwards of an hour every weekday. We used the time to get a snack and do our homework. I don't see the time alone at home as a problem at all.

I am a duty manager( Social Worker) and although I haven't read all the thread, unless the school has other concerns it wouldn't meet our criteria. I would expect the school to deal with this in the first instance, speak to you and invite you in for a meeting. Even if there are other concerns I would suggest the school completes a CAF (common assessment framework) something the school completes with you.

On our referral form there is a box to tick confirming that the school has informed you about the referral ( if there was serious child abuse allegations this is not appropriate). I would expect and demand that they do this

Obviously all areas are different, but I certainly wouldn't be sending anybody out announced or unannounced. However if you know a referral has been made I would call and discuss it. It saves the workers a lot of time and deals with the concerns quickly. It shows that you are a concerned parent who wants to address the concerns.

I also wouldn't worry about the previous DV incident, we have standard letters, however these concerns are unrelated so wouldn't cause social workers to 'rush out'

HTH.

Was the letter from school a kind of 'standard' one? (ie obviously photocopied, not personalised in any way?) And the fact that it was sent home via your child is completely unsecure.(Also shows that it probably wasn't a red light situation - otherwise they'd have posted it.) As all have said, totally inappropriate (and reactive), and something to bring up nicely at the meeting. Along with the checking of current contact numbers. It's a shame you don't have a particularly good relationship with their dad, he could be a good help at the meeting otherwise. Definitely take a friend!!

I like the idea of the meeting - it gives all an opportunity to communicate face to face. At the moment, they don't seem to have tried very hard to contact you. It sounds very reactive to me.

If I were you, I wouldn't go down the SS route at all. Even if you do hear from them, it's best to be able to show that you've made every attempt to communicate with the school about the exhaustive arrangements you've made for your children, so they aren't neglected. If the school push this, they could end up looking a bit silly.

I think this is just the school's insurance policy against unwanted childminding and they may be trying to make an example of you. I've got a friend who's a head teacher in a primary school, as an interim they CHARGE parents who are more than 15 mins late in the afternoons. Drastic stuff..

I am still not sure why a ten year old is not deemed able to get theirselves home from school.

At that age I walked home from school, let myself in, and was more than capable of putting the tv on, and being on my own for an hour before my mum got home.

Have you spoken to the school today?

Yes - I called this morning and asked for an appt to see the HT. HT is at a meeting all day tomorrow, the only times they could offer were 9.30am today (not possible as I called them at 9am from work) or 9am Wednesday. So am going then. Friend is coming with me as well.

I spoke to the council Education Welfare Dept. They told me that there is no policy set by council in relation to children walking home alone, and if there was one the school would set it BUT they didn't know of any schools in the area who have such a policy, their view was it was to be done at the discretion of the parents. So thats something at least.

I just wanted to say that I received a letter about a ss referral and I called them up and dealt with them directly. They came round on the day that I received the letter, chatted with me then updated the school. The case was closed immediately and nothing has come of it.
The social worker said that the fact that I called rather than wait for further details of an appointment was a good indicator that I was a good parent and they were happy to wrap the "case" up asap.

Good luck with your meeting. I would be outraged if I got a letter in the book bag.

Is 1.5 hours really "too long" to be away, travel distance wise, from school? I imagine a lot of people find themselves that sort of time-distance away from their child's school, quite often, really.

Judging by what you have written, and if it is complete (after all, we don't know you), I would very much doubt the SS will actually do anything at this point. They will do a background check, then put your case on file.

If they had a concern, you would have heard from the SS by now.