to go of a friend who has just been on a sex tourist trip to Thailand?

[Hairyjumper]

Single male friend, just been on 2 weeks holiday where he paid women to fuck him.
Have had quite a cerebral discussion with him about it.
He says it is not seedy , no pimps blah blah.

I thought I was open minded but it just seems wrong.

sorry, to go OFF ...

He is single, so its his business what he does.

eeew YANBU. It's in poor taste at the very least.

Why wrong? He wanted to pay for a fuck...they wanted to fuck him for money?

A bit of a long way to go I'll admit considering he could have browsed his local paper lol

please, those who think it is ok,can you explain in a logical way why it is no big deal? I just cannot bring myself to think that.

Bubble or mutz, if you had no partner would you pay for sex? If not why not?

Like Liquidtytrap it seems poor taste at the least.

I work with a bloke who goes to Thailand every year on holiday.

He has never mentioned what he gets up to then he's there but I just get a feeling that he does do things like that when he's there. He can do what he wants I suppose but I do think it is a bit seedy.

I am absolutle y open for some of you to convince me it is no big deal, and not wrong. In fact I would prefer to have that view so i did not think badly of him; right now I DO think badly of him

YANBU

He is deluding himself if he thinks there are no pimps. But punters are deluded if they think women want to fuck them. Poor women, 40% of who are children in the Thai sex trade.

ear, he says the woman he had sx with was about 30 , there was NO pimp involved. She was "adorable and fun" Lets assume that is true.
Is it right or wrong?

YANBU

I know someone who paid for sex in Amsterdam. He even asked my DH (who was on the same trip) if he wanted a go. Obviously, I like this person much less than I used to, but even if he hasn't asked my DH I would have lost some respect.

The thing I can't get my head around when it comes to paying for sex is this: how can anyone enjoy having sex with someone who doesn't actually want sex with you? I can't imagine it. I'd be so totally aware that the other person was putting on an act. It's very degrading to all involved.

If it is legal and an agreed equal exchange of money for services as in Amsterdam then I suppose you can't feel icky. However even there the sex trafficking of girls from eastern block countries is appalling.

However dh's step dad lives in Thailand in the sex capital city and since having my dc I refuse to go over there.

Most of the girls are having sex with men through desperation, poverty or the hope that perhaps a western guy will save them from the life they have to lead.

Also most men don't go there to fuck a women of equal age. They go there to fuck a 15 or 16 year old girl, or guy. Or even younger. When you are a western woman observing this it is appalling. You see these fat sad middle aged European men swaggering around the open bars and clubs with two or three teen giggling girls hanging off them, totally overcome by the promise of a share of his western wealth. These men actually kid themselves that the woman obviously like them for who they are (and obviously convince themselves of the patter you hear - that european men have bigger cocks and service the women better ).

Funny thing is when you try and make eye contact with these men on the street they can't seem to manage it fully. They don't like western women over there reminding them how pathetic they are and how far from normal their behaviour is.

Where did he pick them up from? Bars? Then the bars are probably taking a cut.

So many (most?) women in the sex industry in Asia do it because there is no other choice and financially it is there best bet. It also directly contributes to trafficking. If there was no demand there would be no trafficking.

Ask him if he would let someone pay to screw him and if not why not?

It's yuk because there ARE pimps...they would't spoil it by letting HIM see that though...and those girls are very vulnerable...the dirty bastard. [bleugh]

I'd love to know how he thinks he knows there was no pimp. Some (lots) of these girls are sold to them from the hill tribes. The johns never see the pimps (the girls take the money back to them later). And the girls know to say what the punters want to here ("I'm 30", "I'm 12", "I have no pimp").

I loathe this because there may be a few women who are doing it, enjoy it, make their own money and aren't doing it because of addictions or financial imbalance of the worst kind. These people don't do it in Thailand. The financial inequality is just there.

BTW, I've spent significant time in Thailand and worked for a number of years in this country with sex workers. When you have read the 'bad date' reports the girls produce to try to make themselves safer, you lose your innocence about what kind of life it is.

I have spent quite a long time in South East Asia and many of the girls in Thailand are actually from Cambodia and Laos.

They were promised jobs as waitresses and housekeepers and then had to pay their travelling expenses via the sex trade. They could NEVER pay back what the pimps claimed they were owed and spent years selling sex to tourists.

The most heart breaking thing I ever witnessed was a young girl of about seven 'douching' her vagina in a shower next to a swimming pool attached to a hotel getting ready for her next client. Her pimp was waiting for her outside. Reporting it made no difference whatsoever.

I also spoke to a Medicine Sans Frontier doctor on the Chinese border who was treating three young girls for the terrible injuries they had suffered from being sold into the sex slave by their father.They serviced thirty to forty men a day.

The youngest was four.

Thank you all so far.
Please , keep your views coming, from both sided of the debate.

I am particularly interested in the following scenario.

The girl has no pimp.
She does not think she is being exploited.

Is it stillwrong? Why?

Bubble or mutz, if you had no partner would you pay for sex? If not why not?

No because I don't have to and no because it wouldn't turn me on.

But that's me and not your friend. To be honest I find it distasteful but then again I find Mustard, Liver and bacon, Jeggings and Maryln Manson distasteful too...different strokes for different folks.

mutz, why do you find it distasteful ( I do too) but not wrong?

Hairy

I could tell you so many more tales but my heart breaks.

The little boy in Vietnam who was gang raped and left for dead in a paddy field by a group of western men, he pointed them out and nothing was done. A French couple who lived there took him in but they had to give up because he attacked them and their one year old child.

To this day I worry about what happened to that little boy. The guys that did that went back to wherever and their jobs looking forward to their next holiday no doubt.

Because the whole idea of paying for sex and women choosing to/needing to prostitue themselves is a big turn off for me.

The fact it's a turn on for your friend should be neither here nor there for you if he's a real friend.

As I said different strokes for different folks. If something as simple as a sexual preferance is enough to put you off a friend...were they a true friend to begin with?

What if you found out his sexual preference was rape? Or children?

Yes he is a true friend

My point is, the sex trade is not a victamless crime. Someone pays - the 'tart with a heart of gold' - does she exist?

'he says the woman he had sx with was about 30 , there was NO pimp involved. She was "adorable and fun" Lets assume that is true.
Is it right or wrong?'

Let's assume he travelled across the world for sex he could get down the road? I don't think so.

'The girl has no pimp.
She does not think she is being exploited.'

Girl means child. Please be clear here.

You are talking about a man who uses other human beings to wank into, the type of human being that Katey1010 and Suncottage have written about, and you want to know whether it is right or wrong?

If 40% of prostitutes in Thailand, I think it is a reasonable assumption to make that most adult prostitutes in Thailand entered prostitution as a child. Those adults cannot be said to have made an informed choice about their work. I cannot see how it is ethical to pay someone for sex when there is a very high likelihood that that person was sexually used as a child and is consequently likely to be very damaged by that experience.

And is such a person, who needs an income, likely to say to the person paying to have sex with them, 'I was sexually abused every day from the age of six by western men and that is why I have ended up in this job.' Of course not, because then the man wouldn't want to be their customer and wouldn't pay them.

Prostitutes are paid to be what the client wants them to be. They aren't paid to tell the truth to the client.