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AIBU?

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Original poster

to go of a friend who has just been on a sex tourist trip to Thailand?

457 replies

Hairyjumper · 29/01/2011 01:18

Single male friend, just been on 2 weeks holiday where he paid women to fuck him.
Have had quite a cerebral discussion with him about it.
He says it is not seedy , no pimps blah blah.

I thought I was open minded but it just seems wrong.

OP posts:
MillyR · 29/01/2011 02:07

Sorry that last post should have started...

If 40% of prostitutes in Thailand are children.

mutznutz · 29/01/2011 02:08

Yes he is a true friend

Then what he does on holiday should be no more of a 'problem' to you than what anyone else does on holiday or in their spare time.

As long as they were over age and willing...it's none of your business.

If they were under age or unwilling..well that's a whole different thread.

You may have many other friends who pay prostitutes for sex...attend swinging parties...same sex orgies. The difference is they keep their private lives to themselves..so their close friends cant judge them.

Suncottage · 29/01/2011 02:20

Believe me I have seen these young girls 'chatting' and 'laughing' with men when they have the attention and the meal and a deal option.

I have spent evenings trying to speak business matters with men whilst they literally lifted girls off their lap. Going to the loo was horrible because I was threatend by the girls to back off because their 'man' was watching and they would be in trouble. They were there to smile, flirt, have sex and get back to the table as soon as possible for the next client.

I took up valuable hours for them.

No pimps - yeah right!

Yep guys - they reeeeally, reeeeaaaly fancy the pants off you. Wake up and smell the coffee.

lifeinlimbo · 29/01/2011 02:23

YANBU. I would go off a friend who used prostitutes. why? Because my friends are good people, they treat others, their friends, their partners, women and men, with respect. I have standards!

I would certainly think less of him. Having sex with someone who doesnt want to have sex with you, and only doing so due to their economic need, is not treating that person respectfully, but as a commodity to be paid for, used and thrown away. Disgusting way to treat someone, but also very sad that he cannot develop a respectful relationship himself, and have sex with someone he respects.

Katey1010 · 29/01/2011 03:03

I would be astounded if the girl he had sex with was 30. I would be completely bloody astonished if she had no pimp. If both of those things were true... he is still paying someone to do something that should involve informed consent. Let's face it, if these girls really wanted to have sex with these men, they would do it for free. The amount of money that changes hands is small for the Westerners but really a lot to the Thais (or Laotians, Hmong, Cambodians).

Oh, and that is discounting the sexual abuse and the drug addiction. Crystal meth is huge in SE Asia. And, I as well as the horrifying stories that others have written, I know from the horses mouth that men often want things that they either can't get or are illegal at home. Beating these tiny girls is common. For kicks.

Cadmum · 29/01/2011 05:49

Why wrong? He wanted to pay for a fuck...they wanted to fuck him for money?

The problem with this logic is that the vast majority of prostitutes in Thailand are abducted SLAVES... Not so sure that they want to do anything of the sort.

Cadmum · 29/01/2011 05:56

For people who argue that the prostitutes beg for and seduce potential clients: Of course they do! They don't get to eat unless they have serviced a certain number of clients. They have no freedom. They are in a position where they could be beaten to death unless they perform.

There is no way in the world that I could consider maintaining a relationship with someone who pays 'women' in Thailand for sex.

I feel especially passionate about this because I live in South East Asia. I am not writing this from the UK imagining what it might be like. I see it everyday and have spoken with women who became sex workers as children because their families sold them to avoid starvation.

MsKLo · 29/01/2011 06:03

I would have less respect for a friend who did this too - unfortunately the sex trade is big business because people like your friend facilitate it. I have a relative who I am pretty sure goes on holidays to Thailand for this reason and yes, I do think less of him because of it.

Those poor women and I can't even bear to think about children being forced into this - people who have sex with children should be shot - sick and to disgusting for words.

nooka · 29/01/2011 06:31

If a friend of mine told me that they had used a prostitute they wouldn't be a friend of mine any more. And if they told me that they had been on a sex 'holiday' to a poor country and saw nothing wrong with that then I would make it very clear to them that I thought their behaviour utterly reprehensible and that I would not want to be as much as seen with them ever again.

Seedy is not the word for it. Just foul.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 29/01/2011 06:41

We saw this first hand too. We lived in Bangkok for four years so had numerous brothels along our road.
The women are controlled either by the bar itself or a mamasan who take a cut of the girls money. A man who wants to use her needs to pay a bar fine to get her out.
Has your friend considered the chances of getting an STD are high if he didn't use a condom?
I did alot of work at the Mercy centre in Khlong Toei and saw the results. Not nice.

Tee2072 · 29/01/2011 06:45

While I personally think prostitution should be legal and regulated worldwide, the fact is, it's not.

That woman told him what he wanted to hear and acted the way he wanted her to act, He's kidding himself if he believes otherwise.

I would not stop being his friend, but I would a) show him this thread and b) get him reports on the sex slave trade. If he went back after having the facts? Then I'd have to reconsider our friendship.

mathanxiety · 29/01/2011 06:59

He would need to be the world's most fantastic friend for me to be able to see past this one. Did he win the lottery and give it all to you? Pay for your heart op? Donate a kidney? Both kidneys?

If you're a woman, does he see you as a collection of body parts with appropriate orifices, or is there something special about you that sets you apart from the 'girls' in Thailand?

ginmakesitallok · 29/01/2011 07:07

I don't understand why some men think it is acceptable to travel to places like Thailand for sex but don't visit prostitutes in the UK? (Dear God that sounded almost like some sort of UK prostitute ad - "Don't go all the way to Thailand, we've got plenty of vulnerable exploited women here who'll shag you for £"

Why do men think it is acceptable to travel for sex???

I wouldn't have him as a friend.

Kiwiinkits · 29/01/2011 07:20

I couldn't be friends with someone I had no respect for. So I would quietly let him go down the path of former friends.

CoteDAzur · 29/01/2011 07:22

I wouldn't have a problem if he travelled to a place like Amsterdam where prostitution is regulated. However, people go to Thailand for sex because it is the one place they can easily get laid by teenagers and that is not ok Sad

lalalonglegs · 29/01/2011 07:22

What mathanxiety said.

Even if she was 30, even if she had no pimp, even if she entered prostitution as an adult, it is still wrong because your friend is the one holding all the cards and it is a relationship of inequality. It also makes it much harder for the prostitutes who aren't as "lucky" as this one because it feeds into the idea of Thailand as a place for non-Thai men to go to have sex with whomsoever they want as long as they have money. Your friend's actions add, in a tiny way, to the fact that a miserable life as a prostitute is the only option for many women in that region.

CoteDAzur · 29/01/2011 07:23

"The girl has no pimp.
She does not think she is being exploited.
Is it stillwrong? Why?"

Is OP a journalist?

magicmummy1 · 29/01/2011 07:53

I have spent time in thailand, and have been utterly sickened by the exploitation of thai girls and women by western and japanese men. The economic inequalities are stark, and your friend is kidding himself if he doesn't think this is exploitative - even if she was 30 and didn't have a pimp, which I find rather hard to believe.

Having seen what I've seen in thailand, I'd find it very hard to stay friends with this man any longer - nothing to do with his sexual preferences, but his values would simply be incompatible with mine.

TyraG · 29/01/2011 08:20

He'd better get himself tested to make sure he didn't pick anything up. The last thing you want from a holiday is a "souvenir" you have to carry with you forever.

monkeyflippers · 29/01/2011 08:28

Don't believe she didn't have a pimp or a bar or something that took a huge cut. If she didn't then where did he meet her?

The child sex thing is Thailand is so well known that I think anyone who goes there for sex is disgusting as it's just making it worse.

I don't believe she was 30 and even if she were she had probably been doing it since she was 10.

monkeyflippers · 29/01/2011 08:29

TyraG - true but I can't help but think he deserves it (in a harsh mood).

conniedescending · 29/01/2011 08:31

I couldnt be friends with a man that thought this was ok

he has messed up views of sex and women

WillieWaggledagger · 29/01/2011 08:36

vile vile vile

onmyfeet · 29/01/2011 08:37

Surprised he told you about it.

expatinscotland · 29/01/2011 08:41

Yak. This would no longer be a friend.

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