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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go of a friend who has just been on a sex tourist trip to Thailand?

457 replies

Hairyjumper · 29/01/2011 01:18

Single male friend, just been on 2 weeks holiday where he paid women to fuck him.
Have had quite a cerebral discussion with him about it.
He says it is not seedy , no pimps blah blah.

I thought I was open minded but it just seems wrong.

OP posts:
justcarrots29 · 29/01/2011 12:48

I have learnt a lot reading this thread.

The best thing you can do to help is print off this thread, leave it on his desk and hope that he becomes one less foreigner these poor girls have to worry about servicing.

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 29/01/2011 12:49

Yes Cote I do as we visited my dh's step father out there when he started working in Thailand and have travelled round Thailand regularly when I was single.

You can get a return flight for £375 to Bangkok. You can stay in a pretty acceptable hostel apartment for £5 - £20 a night. A meal costs around £2 especially if you live off the street carts. An evening with a prostitute would cost about 750 to 1000 baht Which is £15 to £20 pounds. If that is the acceptable rate imagine what you would get if you doubled your money. A guy could negotiate a rate for a week probably for around £100 and food.

I would say based on the cost of living (dh sdad house is 6 bedrooms with a swimming pool and cost him £27,0000) that the cost of the sex trade wouldn't be too much compared to a couple of visits to a UK place.

For what you could get in the UK your money would definitely go a lot further. These guys plan and save for these trips, it is the highlight of their year I'd imagine. A lot of them won't have families (hopefully) so could easily afford a few trips a year.

MarianneM · 29/01/2011 13:15

I find it unbelievable that anyone can try to justify prostitution of any kind. I don't think you can separate this idea of a grown-up consenting "happy" prostitute (who I very much doubt exists at all) from the trafficked women and children who are being raped. It is all part of the same thing. Bodies being bought and sold. NO-ONE does this voluntarily! If sex-workers could do something else, I'm sure they would.

And that anyone can condone an industry where the horrific abuse of children as described by some posters here is commonplace is beyond my understanding.

Those posters who think prostitution is ok would you think so if it was your 30-year-old daughter doing this?

This thread has utterly depressed me. Is there anything that one can do?

clevercloggs · 29/01/2011 13:23

havent read all the thread but agree with mutznutz - they are grown ups, its there choice

how many people go round the red light district in amsterdam just to have a gawp - in fact i even saw someone from corrie there last time i went (female)

its the oldest profession in the world, no one can stamp it out

AnyFucker · 29/01/2011 13:24

Don't tolerate it, MM

when you see it/hear it...challenge it

bring up your male/female children to have respect for women and that selling/buying a body for porn/lapdancing/prostitution/titillating the ladsmags users is not "empowering"

don't be like the OP and be "willing to have your mind changed"

when (and they will) people tell you that you are "boring" "uncool" "behind the times" "fuddy duddy" for not joining in with sociey's drive to sexualise the fuck out of everything , tell them to stop being a brainwashed drone

make up your mind and bloody stick to it

women do not have to go along with it, to be "cool"

Meglet · 29/01/2011 13:27

yanbu.

The fact is unless he has been living in a cave for the last 20 years he would jolly well know he probably was paying to rape a child.

I would have given him a lecture then not speak to him again.

As an aside, can't the police in this country prosecute men who have sex with under-age children in other countries.

expatinscotland · 29/01/2011 13:29

Imagine being such a total loser that you have to travel across the world and pay people to shag you.

Saddo.

esmeroo · 29/01/2011 13:29

I dont believe men go there to have sex with adult women,. I believe they go there for sex with young girls and they can deny it all they like!

AnyFucker · 29/01/2011 13:31

Gary Glitter was prosecuted for it

imagine that...being just another Gary Fucking Glitter

the shame of that alone should make you never want to associate with a person like hat ever again...

ccpccp · 29/01/2011 13:41

No doubt there are some underage girls for sale in Asia.

It is, however, ILLEGAL in these countries and there are regular crackdowns and harsh punishments. Foreign sex tourists looking for children are named and shamed and reported to their home countries. (i.e. Garry Glitter)

The vast majority of prostitition is between consenting adults, and is worth billions to the tourist trade.

Its the oldest industry in the world, and while men are happy to pay and women happy to take payment, it will never end.

AnyFucker · 29/01/2011 13:49

esmeroo...and young boys

AnyFucker · 29/01/2011 13:51

OP...have you been "persuaded" to change your mind from your original stance ?

and do you still feel this bloke is an appropriate person to stay within your circle of friends ?

or even worthy of your friendship ?

jenny60 · 29/01/2011 14:07

This is so so Sad

ISNT · 29/01/2011 14:07

You seem to think that this industry is a positive boon ccp.

After reading all of this thread you are convinced that the vast majority of prostitutes in thailand are adults who have never been coerced or abused in any way, and that where child prostitution happens it is tirelessly hunted out and people are strictly punished.

Despite everything that you have read here giving first hand experience of the situation and the numerous documentaries about the child sex trade & trafficing of people for sex in this part of the world.

Your response is "oh well what can you do, really it's fine".

That's pretty pathetic frankly. That goes for the people upthread who argued that this is fine too.

Anyone who supports people who purchase others in this trade is supporting the industry in its entirety. The OPs mate has no idea whether the woman he paid for was acting of her own volition, whether she wanted to be doing it, whether she had started working as a prostitute when she was a child. No idea whatsoever. To support his actions is to support all of the grotesque actions that have been related on this thread.

ISNT · 29/01/2011 14:07

ccp I have wondered on other threads, are you a man?

Gemsy83 · 29/01/2011 14:08

Its gross but his choice- he's single.
On the other hand a guy I know recently died of cancer. His last wish was to go back to Thailand (Pattaya no less) where he had spent many happy holidays Hmm. Trouble is he had been in a LTR for the past 17years and he buggered off without his partner or kids to basically shag teenagers. Believe me I thought a lot less of him.

AnyFucker · 29/01/2011 14:19

ISNT, I really wouldn't take too much notice of ccp

He regularly pops up on these kinds of threads, always in support of the sex industry

I think it quite clear that he is a proponent of said industry because he is a user of it, hence his agenda

NancyDrewHasaClue · 29/01/2011 14:28

hairy since you were able to have "quite a a cerebral conversation" with him about this issue how about showing him this thread?

I can believe there are thousands of men (and woman) out there who are extremely naive as to the realities of the sex trade in Thailand and it may be that he is blinkered to the realities (as some people on this thread clearly are).

It wouldn't hurt him to have his eyes opened. If he then sees no problem with his behaviour I would suggest you stop being friends with him.

From a personal POV I have to say the flight from London to Bangkok, filled with sweaty, balding, overweight peados, is one of the most depressing in the world.

ISNT · 29/01/2011 14:29

I think you're right, AF.

Rhadegunde · 29/01/2011 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 29/01/2011 14:45

aaah I see Rhad - I wonder what he thinks of the boys that are forced into prostitution

Rhadegunde · 29/01/2011 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 29/01/2011 14:52

Sososo sad :(

Hate that people like him exist in this world,

philmassive · 29/01/2011 14:54

We have a family friend in his 60's who has just divorced his wife. The first thing he did when they broke up was to go on 'holiday' to Thailand. Made me feel sick. Is there anyone in the world who thinks that single men go on holiday to Thailand for any reason other than for sex with these poor girls? We won't be having him over for dinner again, believe me.

TheyKnowEsperanto · 29/01/2011 14:55

Ditto AF and Rhadegunde re CCP. He often takes a stroll into the Feminist section.

OP - I would either print off this thread for your 'friend' or print off the Wikipedia entry on Prostitution in Thailand. I would enclose a note to say that sadly, you had thought better of him, and despite your 'cerebral' conversation and his rationalisation of his actions, having looked into it a bit more and spent some time thinking about it, you'd no more want to be friends with Gary Glitter than with him and that you hope he understand why you wouldn't want him near your children now you understand how little he thinks of women. If he wants to pretend to himself this is all okay, 'free will', 'she was 30' etc. leave him to it. I really don't think someone who would do this has any moral boundaries, especially not if they can have a cerebral conversation about it where they can justify their actions to someone else. I hate to think think of what's on his computer. Am sure the police would be very interested too.