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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband does not want to spend his birthday evening with me and I feel hurt !

264 replies

cazza40 · 28/01/2011 19:10

My dh spends lots of time at work and has a really demanding job. I really appreciate the fact that for the moment I can be at home with our dds. But today is his birthday and I wanted to make a special meal for him he wanted to go out with work mates and is going to be back late. I'm at home now drinking and feeling a bit sorry for myself AIBU ?

OP posts:
Patsy99 · 28/01/2011 23:10

Agree piglet - is the OP's DH doesn't care when she sits him down and tells him how hurt she is, then there really is a problem, he's a selfish twunt, the relationship is in trouble, etc etc. But it might be he hasn't quite got it.

Rindercella · 28/01/2011 23:10

No I won't

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 28/01/2011 23:11

Pot kettle black Tab.

AnyFucker · 28/01/2011 23:11

why are you continuing to bother then, if this is a brick wall ?

AnyFucker · 28/01/2011 23:12

I admit to my penchant for the last word...do you ?

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 28/01/2011 23:13

You're not having it, AF, I am - it's mine, I tell you, mine

AnyFucker · 28/01/2011 23:15

I have to go to bed < quivers >

AnyFucker · 28/01/2011 23:15

< knee wobble >

< looks at stairs longingly >

MorganMindy · 28/01/2011 23:16

I should have gone to bed ages ago Grin

pigletmania · 28/01/2011 23:17

Not necessarily patsy, just mabey some people just do not get it unless its spelled out to them. We cannot speculate on the relationship as a whole based on this one incident, though it does not look good if this is happening all the time, which we dont know unless op gives us more info.

pigletmania · 28/01/2011 23:19

its too tempting Morgan

MorganMindy · 28/01/2011 23:20

Right, I'm going, can't stay any longer! Night all...

Cazza, hope you're ok.

AnyFucker · 28/01/2011 23:20

I really do have to go to bed

Good night to all on this thread x

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 28/01/2011 23:20

Me too - but I wanted that last word so badly. I have actually been working in between all of these shenanigans here - not sure what my quality of output will have been though!

OK, I'm gone. It's yours Grin

StuffingGoldBrass · 29/01/2011 00:55

Given that the OP appears to have vanished (and if you are reading, OP, this is more to poke a stick at the squabblers on this thread than at you) - consider this: it might be that the H is used to his DW being a) clingy and b) a pisshead and therefore wants to spend his birthday without her caning a bottle of wine and going 'Tell me you love meeeeee and your work colleagues aren't prettier than me/'

liquiditytrap · 29/01/2011 01:12

Some people just don't give that much of a shit about their birthday. Friday night is traditional post-work lash night. Maybe he knew it was going to be a good one. Presumably he has a meal at home with his family most other nights.

I can sort of see why you're upset, but it only works if we accept the definition of birthday as 'special day' which not everyone does.

spidookly · 29/01/2011 07:56

I don't give that much of a shit about my birthday, but if DH clearly wanted to do something nice for me at home no way would I brush him off like that.

Solid - that's exactly what I suggested (without going into specific reasons I made up). Clearly this man does not want to spend time with his wife. Whatever the reason, that is a problem.

And it's not a compromise problem or a "you must spend time with me out of respect" problem.

It's a "what has gone wrong with our relationship?" problem.

It could be lots of things, but it's not nothing.

spidookly · 29/01/2011 08:00

And if I was married to someone who thought a weekly piss up was not worth missing to spend with people "he had meal at home with most other nights" I would take myself down to the police station for inappropriate sex with a minor.

Lamorna · 29/01/2011 08:19

There are some very strange opinions on here! I agree with Maisiethemorningsidecat.

SudalivefromHMP · 29/01/2011 08:30

Alarm bells loud and clear here too sorry.

That old 'people from work' nugget.

Better book you and the girls in for Christmas day with their husband and dad now before 'people from work' get priority booking for that aswell! Arsehole.

wagon · 29/01/2011 08:32

Morning cazza40 ! I just wanted to see how you're feeling this morning. I feel some of the comments were a little harsh last night - I know they were everyone's opinions - but I just wanted to check you're ok.

Original poster
cazza40 · 29/01/2011 09:01

Yes all well with me. Cannot believe it heated up such a discussion . By the way I am neither a pisshead or clingy but was just feeling a bit hurt !

OP posts:
Butterbur · 29/01/2011 09:19

erk. I went out to a karate class on my birthday, instead of spending it with DH. I suppose I'm an arsehole too. He didn't mind - much.

Truckulente · 29/01/2011 09:23

OP I'm surprised you're not deaf with all the apparent alarm bells ringing.

I think some people project their own situations too much.

Lamorna · 29/01/2011 09:42

I am not surprised you are feeling hurt, he is insensitive to think otherwise.