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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My husband does not want to spend his birthday evening with me and I feel hurt !

264 replies

cazza40 · 28/01/2011 19:10

My dh spends lots of time at work and has a really demanding job. I really appreciate the fact that for the moment I can be at home with our dds. But today is his birthday and I wanted to make a special meal for him he wanted to go out with work mates and is going to be back late. I'm at home now drinking and feeling a bit sorry for myself AIBU ?

OP posts:
Tabliope · 28/01/2011 22:52

so the fact it's his birthday doesn't count for anything maisie? He can't go for an innocent drink after work on a friday without a bunch of women on mn saying oooh, my alarm bells are ringing? How dare he on his birthday go for a drink when he can have a meal with his wife and kids on the saturday. There's not a problem based on the info we have and those that perceive there is are paranoid and looking for every slight

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 28/01/2011 22:52

You need to take your own advice and keep a lid on it Tab.

GloriaSmut · 28/01/2011 22:53

I hesitate to return to this storm in a teacup but I do think that things are getting wildly out of proportion. The OP's husband has hurt her feelings by his choice of activity tonight. Which is sad but certainly not any evidence that he is being unfaithful nor that their marriage is in catastrophic decline.

MorganMindy · 28/01/2011 22:53

Piglet, I think you're right in that they should have discussed it and come to an agreement. Cazza appears to have tried and for whatever reason her DH hasn't made it clear what he wanted to actually do. I can see why Cazza's upset about it.

Tabliope · 28/01/2011 22:54

maisie, you need to listen to someone like piglet. She's measured and sensible. She doesn't blow things up out of all proportion. It's a non-event. I've kept a lid on it maisie. It's not me turning this into a major drama and something out of nothing. I think that would be you. You must be hard work.

MorganMindy · 28/01/2011 22:55

I have no idea what the state of their marriage is but to me it shows a lack of respect and consideration (and it being his birthday does not make him exempt from being respectful and considerate to his wife).

Patsy99 · 28/01/2011 22:56

YANBU - I would be absolutely gutted if DH did not want to come home to me/go out with me on his birthday.

I think the "his birthday, his choice" thing is a red herring actually. It's about the quality of feeling between you. Maybe if you explain how rejected it's made you feel he can reassure you?

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 28/01/2011 22:56

Oh dear, that wine really has gone to your head, hasn't it.

MamaMary · 28/01/2011 22:57

As soon as I read the OP, alarm bells rung tbh.

I agree with AF and Maisie.

It's strange that he'd prefer to celebrate his birthday away from his wife and family. The OP sounds really upset and I feel for her. I wish the OP would come back.

spidookly · 28/01/2011 22:57

"There's not a problem based on the info we have"

There's a sad, lonely, hurt woman drinking alone and posting on the Internet for support.

That's a pretty big problem from where I'm sitting.

Rindercella · 28/01/2011 22:57

You're absolutely right, of course tabliope. The OP shouldn't feel hurt or pissed off or feel that her husband is (her words) 'fucking selfish. Instead, she should dress up in sexy lingerie, give him a blowjob and cook him something tasty for tomorrow night. After all, that is the way to catch flies. Confused

Tabliope · 28/01/2011 22:58

have a glass maisie. maybe it'll chill you out

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 28/01/2011 23:00

No, I'm fine, thanks. It's always fun watching someone get tipsy - they make no sense whatsoever. Always good for a laugh.

Tabliope · 28/01/2011 23:00

another one making a mountain out of a mole hill - well done rindercilla. I haven't said anything of the sort. You've misconstrued everything I've said and blow it out of proportion.

Tabliope · 28/01/2011 23:01

very cheap shots maisie. can't keep up with the real debate so you take whatever pot shots you can. what a superior intelligence you have

AnyFucker · 28/01/2011 23:01

tab...why do you have a problem with other women telling a woman that her husband has acted selfishly and she might want to think about the reasons why that might be ?

particularly since she is the one that called it in the first place ?

you post a thread like this, you are going to get plain and honest opinions

some of them you may not like to hear (who does... ?)

you are getting a bit over-wrought I think

no-one has mentioned divorce nor that he should never be allowed to go out with his work colleagues

you are twisting the responses, I think, to prove a point

the point being ? I dunno...

pigletmania · 28/01/2011 23:02

It is sad that he would rather spend his birthday out for drinks but as I said 'there is nowt as queer as folk' some people are just like that and do not want fuss. Incidently my dh is the other way round, would rather spend time and his birthday with us than out, he is a bit of a homebody. I just try to look at things from different perspectives Smile

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 28/01/2011 23:03

Superior intelligence? Why, thank you Tab.

Tabliope · 28/01/2011 23:03

anyfucker, I've not mentioned divorce. You mixing me up with someone else?

AnyFucker · 28/01/2011 23:05

tab...don't be disingenuous

you think women saying he is out of order are calling for the Op to divorce him immediately

that is the crux of your "argument"

pigletmania · 28/01/2011 23:06

Really the point is a lack of communication between op's dh and op which has resulted in her sitting alone feeling sad and drinking alone. When he comes back and is in the right frame of mind, she should talk to him about it, because it was unresolved they did not come up with a compromise, he just went ahead and did what he wanted.

MorganMindy · 28/01/2011 23:08

My point exactly Piglet.

I hope Cazza hasn't been scared off her own thread and comes back to update us.

Rindercella · 28/01/2011 23:08

tabliope, after your rather patronising 'have a glass of wine, it might chill you out comment' you rather left yourself open to maisie's (rather mild) response.

Of course I deliberately misconstrued your ridiculous flies advice. Just as you have deliberately misconstrued other people's comments to meet your own end. And also to quite nastily imply that their own relationships must be in question should they not consider the OP's DH to be entirely reasonable to do what the fuck he wanted because IT IS HIS BIRTHDAY.

Tabliope · 28/01/2011 23:08

don't be thick anyfucker. I don't think that at all. I think cazza is hurt but I don't think they've major problems leading to divorce and I don't think anyone saying he's out of order are calling for divorce. I just don't see why she needs to be slighted by it and told it's something to worry about. I can't believe you all think this is a big deal. It might be but we don't know enough based on what she's told us. It's like talking to a brick wall.

Tabliope · 28/01/2011 23:10

rindercilla I can't be bothered arguing with you. You'll find an argument in anything.