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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the breastfeeding room is for breastfeeding?

264 replies

emsyj · 27/01/2011 20:00

Today I went into the breastfeeding room at my local John Lewis to find a lady on a prayer mat praying. I was a bit taken aback really and just wondered if I am being unreasonable in thinking this is inappropriate.

The breastfeeding room is generally very well used. I have never been alone in there, and today another lady came in to feed her baby a couple of minutes after I arrived. The room is pretty small - with 7 small tub chairs it is full really, with space for probably one pram/buggy if all the chairs are taken. Often on a Saturday it is standing room only in there. On weekdays there are on average 2-3 women in there feeding when I go in.

The lady praying today had taken up two chairs with her stuff and then laid out her mat on the floor. This didn't leave much space for people who actually wanted to use the facility for its intended purpose. However, I think my main objection to the lady praying is twofold: firstly, I felt a bit uncomfortable whipping my boobs out in front of someone who was actively in prayer. I am not generally bothered about feeding in front of people (I only left the restaurant to feed because DD is now 8 months old and very easily distracted so I wasn't getting anywhere in there) but I did feel inhibited. Secondly, the breastfeeding room is for women who are breastfeeding - surely people should have some respect for that? Maybe I am being a bit precious on this one, but really the facilities for breastfeeding (if you want to feed in private) are very limited and should be reserved for people who really need them.

So, am I being unreasonable then???

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 27/01/2011 23:10

YANBU.

If there wasn't room for me to sit there and bf I would have moved her stuff off the chair too.

Mind you, I would have gone ahead and bf in the cafe.

A breastfeeding room isn't exactly the best or quietest place for prayer either. Lots of screeching babies, milk being burped all over the place, maybe even mums using breastpumps, to say nothing of toddlers in tow.

I think the segregation of brestfeeders and bottlefeeders makes sense. Bottlefeeding can be done by anyone, men included. So they should be in a separate room (if they even need a room) whether they are women or men (because obv space is limited in the bfing room). But breastfeeding or pumping can only be done by women, so that room should be for women only. Like it or not, some women don't like flashing their boobs in front of strange men.

Where do Muslim men go for the daily prayers? The men's room?

ilovesooty · 27/01/2011 23:10

Yes, the men would be praying at the mosque probably. Women don't attend mosque with the men.

mathanxiety · 27/01/2011 23:13

Maybe management need to provide two prayer rooms....

Breastfeeding rooms are very good for business. Just as good as clean loos - if a shop has a good reputation for taking care of customers' needs, people go there to shop.

thegrudge · 27/01/2011 23:13

I think I would rather use a changing room (trying on clothes, not changing nappies) if I was praying because nobody would come in and put me off my stroke. Also, in my JL they are bigger than my living room so I could spread out a bit more.

Its possible that she was directed to use the bf room by staff or she had been bf (or ff or changing a nappy) and the baby had left and she was squeezing in a prayer before catching up with it.

imo it takes a fairly insenstive man to sit next to a bf women who has specifically sought out a place to breastfeed in private. BF rooms are not about ensuring men never ever witness bf anywhere but there is an element of the public generally and men in paticular not witnessing bf specifically in private places especially set aside for breastfeeding.

mathanxiety · 27/01/2011 23:17

I also think if you can't take clothes in there to try on then you shouldn't be there praying. Why not go into a cubicle in the women's changing rooms to pray?

mathanxiety · 27/01/2011 23:17

x-post

gaelicsheep · 27/01/2011 23:18

ISNT - I've re-read the thread to find where someone called for bf rooms to be taken away. I'm wondering if you mean my comment:

"I actually have a slight problem with the concept of a "breastfeeding room" specifically, because it reinforces the idea that breastfeeding women should segregate themselves."

made in the context of suggesting a "quiet room".

I stand by that comment actually. The old fashioned "ladies room" might be the answer.

NancyDrewHasaClue · 27/01/2011 23:25

JL doesn't provide private BF rooms. They are communal and as such you cannot expect to have it to yourself.

If you accept that there will likely be other woman in there does it really matter whether that other woman is feeding a toddler, chatting to her DD who is BF teh grandaughter or on her knees praying?

It is unfortunate that the OP felt she was intruding but as she pointed out she has learnt something and would hopefully not feel that way in future.

She certainly didn't feel so uncomfortable that she didn't use the room for it's intended purpose and nor did it seem that anyone else did.

The talk of not intruding on the woman is nonsense because apparently a number of people did "intrude". Nothing happened. The praying lady presumably continued praying and the BFers continued feeding.

Everyone was happy (ish) Grin

thegrudge · 27/01/2011 23:36

They are communal in the sense that they are for a specific community but not for the public generally. They are not private in the sense that a toilet cubicle is but they are private in the sense that they are only for breastfeeding women. Most people wouldn't mind a non bf woman sitting for some sort of purpose (such as waiting for her bf friend) but I think that people being incredulous that some women in bf rooms might not want to bf in front of men are being rather obtuse.

Candleshoe · 27/01/2011 23:38

YABU

Serendippy · 27/01/2011 23:39

thegrudge I think we have seen how many people would object to a non BF woman in the room, for whatever purpose (ie praying).

gaelicsheep · 27/01/2011 23:42

FWIW, my issue with the praying would have been the same as the OPs, namely feeling like I was intruding on her. That is us projecting our Christian (in my case non-practising) values onto another religion. It wouldn't have bothered me in the least that she was in there while I was breastfeeding.

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/01/2011 23:42

I am not being obtuse.

You cannot rely on there being private rooms set aside specifically for breastfeeding and breastfeeding only when out in public.

There is nothing obtuse about that.

gaelicsheep · 27/01/2011 23:45

Has anyone said you're being obtuse bibbitybobbity?

I agree with you as it happens. If you're breastfeeding you simply have to get used to feeding with other people around. No need to flash boobs at all. And if you're that early on in the breastfeeding relationship, well frankly you shouldn't be out and about at all .

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/01/2011 23:49

Yes, thegrudge thinks I am being obtuse because I said I didn't think breast and bottlefeeders should be segregated in baby feeding rooms.

thegrudge · 27/01/2011 23:49

I think there is a difference between a non bf woman and a man, thats all. I don't think its appropriate for women to hang around in the bf room generally doing other things but I don't think its that bad. What I really don't get is why a man would sit in there with a woman he didn't know when its fairly obvious by the nature of the room that odds on the woman wants to bf in as private a place as is possible without going to the loo.

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/01/2011 23:53

But men don't want to hang out in the breastfeeding room. They just want to feed their babies. But we have to keep them away from the bfeeding women incase ...

gaelicsheep · 27/01/2011 23:57

I am not making fun of shy breastfeeders, really I'm not - I was one once. But what on earth is wrong with turning away when latching, arranging clothing appropriately and getting on with it?

It can be different in a cafe. I myself have had a small panic on occasion when the only table has been right in the middle where my boob would be on view at some point from some angle no matter what I did. But in a small breastfeeding room you can most definitely discretely turn away.

gaelicsheep · 27/01/2011 23:57

Or is it "discreetly"? Not sure.

Serendippy · 28/01/2011 00:03

You will have the pedants on you! Discrete is one baby for one boob, discreet is hidden boobs. Or the other way round Grin

thegrudge · 28/01/2011 00:03

I think you are being obtuse if you can't see that many women who use the bf room in JL rather than sitting in the cafe, the furniture dept or the bottle feeding room are doing so because they want the privacy of being in a room that is only for bf. The BF room by its nature is a female only space. JL even provide a bottle feeding area specifically so bf will not be sitting with bottle feeding men. Its not the same as saying men should never witness bf, its an acknowledgement that some women want to not have men around when they are bf. That may be why they are in JL breastfeeding room rather than boots or mothercare.

MrsSnow · 28/01/2011 00:07

YABU

It is quite common to see women breast feeding babies in the womens sections of mosques.

Is your objection that she used the room to pray or that she took two chairs with her belongings? Two chairs for anyones belongings anywhere is excessive.

gaelicsheep · 28/01/2011 00:08

I realised that after I posted Serendippy!

ButterPieify · 28/01/2011 00:13

Btw, I love the idea of heaven brownie points :) Like there is a celestial tally somewhere.

DayShiftDoris · 28/01/2011 02:05

I didn't know about the brownie points for heaven... what a fantastic religion.

Have to say I would have been concerned that I was interupting her prayer session as I know it is often a private thing. I would have especially felt bad as I am not religious and thus do not believe in her religon.

So not unreasonable.

I'd have just got to the changing rooms...

Oh and OP - I remember that 8 month baby BF issue - I breastfed everywhere, very discretely and never hid away.

First he started to be distracted

And then he learnt to HOLD MY TOP UP whilst distracted so I couldnt put boob away!! He would be smilling and laughing at the person at the next person whilst I was doing battle to put away boob Blush

Yeah BF rooms came into their own then - infact a woman praying would have defeated the object of me going in there!