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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the breastfeeding room is for breastfeeding?

264 replies

emsyj · 27/01/2011 20:00

Today I went into the breastfeeding room at my local John Lewis to find a lady on a prayer mat praying. I was a bit taken aback really and just wondered if I am being unreasonable in thinking this is inappropriate.

The breastfeeding room is generally very well used. I have never been alone in there, and today another lady came in to feed her baby a couple of minutes after I arrived. The room is pretty small - with 7 small tub chairs it is full really, with space for probably one pram/buggy if all the chairs are taken. Often on a Saturday it is standing room only in there. On weekdays there are on average 2-3 women in there feeding when I go in.

The lady praying today had taken up two chairs with her stuff and then laid out her mat on the floor. This didn't leave much space for people who actually wanted to use the facility for its intended purpose. However, I think my main objection to the lady praying is twofold: firstly, I felt a bit uncomfortable whipping my boobs out in front of someone who was actively in prayer. I am not generally bothered about feeding in front of people (I only left the restaurant to feed because DD is now 8 months old and very easily distracted so I wasn't getting anywhere in there) but I did feel inhibited. Secondly, the breastfeeding room is for women who are breastfeeding - surely people should have some respect for that? Maybe I am being a bit precious on this one, but really the facilities for breastfeeding (if you want to feed in private) are very limited and should be reserved for people who really need them.

So, am I being unreasonable then???

OP posts:
Rhinestone · 27/01/2011 22:24

But the clue is in the name - "Breastfeeding room". It's not called "Random room that anyone can do whatever they like in".

And why would you be scathing about my life and my motives? I don't understand.

And it's 'lone', not 'loan'.

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/01/2011 22:25

Yy, lone.

Unrulysun · 27/01/2011 22:26

Hi Porcamiseria - lactotwat here Grin

I think it's nice you're sharing the space to do things others might potentially find problematic (entirely unreasonably but there you go). We don't know what she would have done had others wanted to use the room but it's my guess she would have left without having to be asked. It's a shame you felt uncomfortable but I think that culturally she might have expected it to be ok because you are both women?

gaelicsheep · 27/01/2011 22:26

If pushed weedle, I would say that the choice to breastfeed in a breastfeeding room probably trumps the choice to pray. Not that it couldn't be used for both.

Serendippy · 27/01/2011 22:27

OK, let's not let yet another thread turn into a BF/FF debate! The point is that although BF might be necessary, having a room to do it in is not. You can physically BF anywhere, although you might feel more comfortable in private. BF is for a finite amount of time, it is not comparable to facilities for disabled people who will need to use them for their entire lives.

A BF room is useful, it is appreciated, but it is there at the discretion of the store and it is up to them whether they open it up to anyone else.

gaelicsheep · 27/01/2011 22:27

Perhaps there should just be a "quiet room"?

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/01/2011 22:27

Only on Mumsnet does the choice to breastfeed trump the choice to pray.

Fucking fuck!

reelingintheyears · 27/01/2011 22:27

gaelicsheep.

Yes.

ISNT · 27/01/2011 22:28

It's not really a choice to BF when you're doing it exclusively and the baby is only a few weeks old and your breasts haven't settled down yet and start leaking when the baby starts crying and go rock hard when it's time for a feed.

Is that a serious comment?

That a woman in that situation should ignore the sodden breast pads and deep discomfort and go and purchase a bottle and some formula and that's it job done?

weedle · 27/01/2011 22:28

The point is why couldn't both people use the room? I think OP was being precious about it and I feel for the lady in prayer, it's far easier to be discreet about Bf than being in prayer. Why begrudge someone a bit of privacy?

Original poster
emsyj · 27/01/2011 22:29

I finally have got my head round it now - I felt like I was intruding. The lady was knelt (alone til I walked in) in silent prayer. I was irked that I felt that way. She didn't do anything to me to make me feel like that, I just did.

OP posts:
gaelicsheep · 27/01/2011 22:29

I actually have a slight problem with the concept of a "breastfeeding room" specifically, because it reinforces the idea that breastfeeding women should segregate themselves.

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/01/2011 22:30

But you do not need a breasfeeding room provided by John Lewis to breastfeed in.

How the hell do the 90% (at a guess) of the population without access to a John Lewis breastfeeding room manage when out and about?

Serendippy · 27/01/2011 22:31

emsyj sounds like the people who say they get embarassed by people BF near them. They know it is natural and don't mind the idea of it, they just don't want to see it. It is their problem, bot the problem of the person BF. Same applies in this situation. You could appreciate that she needed privacy and might get abuse if she was praying in the cafe, but you felt uncomfortable. You appreciate that this feeling was your problem, not hers.

Honeydragon · 27/01/2011 22:31

Find a chair, or failing that a floor Bibbity Smile

Unrulysun · 27/01/2011 22:32

So YANBU to feel that way but YABU to blame her for it? :)

Rhinestone · 27/01/2011 22:32

But it's not a prayer room!! It's not set aside for that purpose!

Would it be okay for a man to wank in there? I hear they like privacy for that too.

ISNT · 27/01/2011 22:32

In our society many women in the early weeks only go to places where they know they will be able to feed in privacy. Not all women who are new to BF and haven't got the hang of it feel confident about doing it in public. I think it is great that some places give a space for women to feed. It would be a shame to have them all taken away as I think that would mean that quite a few women would not stray far from their homes.

weedle · 27/01/2011 22:32

See that I understand, no one likes to feel intrusive.

Just wondering how you would feel if there was the DH/DP of a bf woman in there when you walked in? Would it feel as intrusive as they are a family?

reelingintheyears · 27/01/2011 22:33

No weedle,sorry.I agree they could share but
you said prayers trump BFing.

I feel for both but BFing trumps in a BFing designated room.

Unrulysun · 27/01/2011 22:33

Well said ( and good analogy) Serendippy

gaelicsheep · 27/01/2011 22:33

bibbitybbobbityhat - it doesn't, except in a breastfeeding room!

BoffinMum · 27/01/2011 22:34

I would have said something. You can't just commandeer rooms for religious and spiritual purposes without asking first IMO. Imagine if people started holding communion or meditating in there?

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/01/2011 22:34

What an offensive comment Rhinestone.

ISNT · 27/01/2011 22:35

I am also interested to know what the other option is for women BF in the early days, I didn't feel like there was an option other than feeding the baby myself for the reasons stated above.

And I don't get why people think it's silly to feel uncomfortable and disinclined to intrude upon someone engaged in something as quiet and personal as prayer? You can't just go barging in when someone's praying. I would certainly feel that was wrong.