to think that the breastfeeding room is for breastfeeding?

[emsyj]

Today I went into the breastfeeding room at my local John Lewis to find a lady on a prayer mat praying. I was a bit taken aback really and just wondered if I am being unreasonable in thinking this is inappropriate.

The breastfeeding room is generally very well used. I have never been alone in there, and today another lady came in to feed her baby a couple of minutes after I arrived. The room is pretty small - with 7 small tub chairs it is full really, with space for probably one pram/buggy if all the chairs are taken. Often on a Saturday it is standing room only in there. On weekdays there are on average 2-3 women in there feeding when I go in.

The lady praying today had taken up two chairs with her stuff and then laid out her mat on the floor. This didn't leave much space for people who actually wanted to use the facility for its intended purpose. However, I think my main objection to the lady praying is twofold: firstly, I felt a bit uncomfortable whipping my boobs out in front of someone who was actively in prayer. I am not generally bothered about feeding in front of people (I only left the restaurant to feed because DD is now 8 months old and very easily distracted so I wasn't getting anywhere in there) but I did feel inhibited. Secondly, the breastfeeding room is for women who are breastfeeding - surely people should have some respect for that? Maybe I am being a bit precious on this one, but really the facilities for breastfeeding (if you want to feed in private) are very limited and should be reserved for people who really need them.

So, am I being unreasonable then???

I imagine it would be very awkward to ask someone mid-prayer whether it was OK to move her shopping, whereas if someone's just sitting there feeding you could ask more easily.

I would assume if someone was in the BF room, she would expect a BF mother to come in and need to use a seat. Therefore if I didn't want to disturb her I would just move her stuff.

I could argue for both sides here, and have throughout, however it is one of those hypothetical situations where we cannot know the facts. She may have been given permission to use the room, in which case it is her right to use it and people just have to work around her, after all, the room is a luxury to use at all. She may have moved her stuff if any more people had come in and needed to sit down. She may have just decided to go in and use it. Nobody hurt, nobody offended, OP realised it is her own feelings that were the problem and does not begrudge another woman a bit of privacy when needed given that the room was free and she was not doing any harm.

It was all OK in the end.

If it had been a man praying would it have still been ok?

I thibk the Op has explained that her main issue was that she wasn't sure how to behave with the woman praying. I think if it was me and I had turned up with a noisy toddler and baby and someone was praying I would feel awkward. not because I was BF or felt my BF would offend the woman but because I'd worry that I needed to keep myself and my toddler quiet.

I don't know enough about Islamic prayer to know whether silence is an important part of the ritual therefore I'd worry about any noise I was making. I think this was the OP's anxiety though she may correct me if I'm wrong.

Obv no, iJudge. The point of a breastfeeding room is that it's for women (who are the ones breastfeeding). I don't know where a man who wished to pray would go (changing rooms?)

It's the fact that the OP felt she was intruding on someone in a room designed and set aside for her needs and not specifically for the needs of the praying woman that she was trying to convey. Yes, I agree the presence of someone engaged in prayer, taking up space on the floor, bowing down, using a mat, would be inhibiting - and I agree it's all down to subjective feelings, but why should someone trying to use the room for the purpose for which it's designed have to worry about something like that?

It probably wouldn't hurt large shops to provide separate prayer rooms and then anyone who wasted to pray could use them, not necessarily just Muslims; shopping drives lots of people to distraction.

I once had a bit of a pray in a changing room when I got stuck in a boob tube

'The point of a breastfeeding room is that it's for women'

There are people on this thread who think men should be allowed in the breastfeeding room so it begs the question if it were a man praying would people view the situation differently?

Yes it would be different - I for one dont think that men should be in the bf room - not on my account because I dont mind but on the account of women that do mind.

It just wouldnt happen anyway - a man wouldnt use a bf room to pray in.

So for those posters who are arguing JL provide BFing rooms as a luxury, at their discretion, and therefore if someone else wishes to use the room, with permission of the management, for another purpose, then those for whom the room was originally designated just have to lump it....

can JL also change the designated function of a Prayer Room at Management's whim? So if a Muslim man can't use a Prayer room because there's a BFing woman in there that's ok right? Because it's a luxury, at management discretion.

Interesting debate.

And as iJudge points out, as JL management can change their mind at a moment's notice (or not as in this case) a praying man must also be allowed into a BFing room if he has permission.

I think so, iJudge. If it was a man praying there I would ask management to clarify who should be there and suggest to them that he shouldn't.

I went into the JL breastfeeding room once and found a man feeding his toddler a jar of solids in there. I wasnt bothered about privacy as was just using the room for convenience (usually fed in the cafe) so sat down and started to feed and the man got very cross, wanting me to leave because breastfeeding made HIM uncomfortable!

I think it is a shame that there is any suggestion that it is somehow wrong for this lady to have made use of the available space for her prayers. It is highly likely that she would have attracted negative attention if she had prayed in public. Some women have attracted negative attention by breastfeeding in public. I would have thought that there would be considerable empathy from both sides.

Does it matter who was technically in the right or wrong, or which activity "trumps" the other one? The point is that a woman was making use of a space designed to give women a little privacy whle doing something that they me uncomfortable about doing publicly. I am sure she would have moved had someone needed the space and I doubt it crossed her mind that someone might be upset about her praying there.

chocaholica I really hope you just laughed in his face.

Thats just what I have been trying to say Pannda - well put