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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the breastfeeding room is for breastfeeding?

264 replies

emsyj · 27/01/2011 20:00

Today I went into the breastfeeding room at my local John Lewis to find a lady on a prayer mat praying. I was a bit taken aback really and just wondered if I am being unreasonable in thinking this is inappropriate.

The breastfeeding room is generally very well used. I have never been alone in there, and today another lady came in to feed her baby a couple of minutes after I arrived. The room is pretty small - with 7 small tub chairs it is full really, with space for probably one pram/buggy if all the chairs are taken. Often on a Saturday it is standing room only in there. On weekdays there are on average 2-3 women in there feeding when I go in.

The lady praying today had taken up two chairs with her stuff and then laid out her mat on the floor. This didn't leave much space for people who actually wanted to use the facility for its intended purpose. However, I think my main objection to the lady praying is twofold: firstly, I felt a bit uncomfortable whipping my boobs out in front of someone who was actively in prayer. I am not generally bothered about feeding in front of people (I only left the restaurant to feed because DD is now 8 months old and very easily distracted so I wasn't getting anywhere in there) but I did feel inhibited. Secondly, the breastfeeding room is for women who are breastfeeding - surely people should have some respect for that? Maybe I am being a bit precious on this one, but really the facilities for breastfeeding (if you want to feed in private) are very limited and should be reserved for people who really need them.

So, am I being unreasonable then???

OP posts:
falsemessageoflethargy · 27/01/2011 22:55

rhinestone - you asked 'would it be ok for a man to have a wank in there' as if that was the same as a woman coming in to pray.

Its clearly not the same - its a woman for a start, who had presumably used the room because it was a female space - I wouldnt be offended at all to find her in there doing that. It would be unusual but not in any way offensive - I would just step around her.

I wouldnt want men coming into a room reserved for bf as lots of women are uncomfy with that but a women praying I would find ok - in the muslim culture there is a great deal of women doing things together in an unashamed way - like a hammam etc.

You cant guarantee that you'll be in there on your own anyway - they are usually teeming ime.

CoraMackenzie · 27/01/2011 22:57

Op, YABU and a little precious as she wasn't doing any harm nor did she prevent you BF.

However, I wonder what the reasction on here would have been to,

'I wanted to feed my baby and the only available quiet area was a prayer room which was full off people praying. AIBU to want to BF in the prayer room?'

I'm sure there would have been oodles of, 'yes YABU, sit in the cafe instead. A prayer room is for praying!' Grin Wink

I love MN but our (collective) double standards ammuse me.

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/01/2011 22:57

I am roffling at the sense of entitlement that stems from John Lewis being good enough to provide a nice quiet breastfeeding area.

Suddenly no one other than a shy, inhibited, breastfeeder in the difficult early stages of breastfeeding may cross the threshold.

Anyone who dares to do so is acting on a par with someone masturbating in public!

ISNT · 27/01/2011 22:57

Or, you find places that you know have BF facilities and you visit those places. On the assumption that the BF facilities that you know are available aren't going to be stuffed full of people praying, men having a chat, people doing fire-eating, or any other random activities.

Yes it's limiting, and it means you are very very grateful for the spaces that are available, and I think it's sad that people are calling for them to be taken away.

CoraMackenzie · 27/01/2011 22:58

As does my poor spelling! Hmm

Unrulysun · 27/01/2011 22:59

I don't know what people do but I'm fairly sure they don't expect my big hairy dh to be in the bfing room at John Lewis so I either go to the cafe or a sofa in the furniture department or if I'm only giving a quick feed and want someone I'm meeting to be able to find me quickly I might go to the parent area and if dh is with me we'd go to the ff room.

ISNT · 27/01/2011 23:00

Please stop taking the piss out of shy, inhibited breastfeeding mothers. It is a horrible attitude.

ilovesooty · 27/01/2011 23:00

Praying is not a "random activity" on a par with chatting and fire eating.

And the room was not "stuffed" with people praying.

MavisG · 27/01/2011 23:01

She didn't 'comandeer' the room: there was enough room for everyone there, and the op has said that, had she been less ignorant about Islam (Muslim women being encouraged to breastfeed to two) she'd have felt comfortable. This is about fear of the unknown/different, and it's understandable but not condonable, if that's a word - sheesh, Boffinmum, you're an educated woman, aren't you?!

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/01/2011 23:01

Who is calling for them to be taken away?

If you are going to breastfeed, get used to breastfeeding in public.

Its no big deal and 99.99% of the public will not bat an eyelid.

Rhinestone · 27/01/2011 23:01

My point was that lots of posters were saying it was absolutely fine to use the breastfeeding room for a completely different purpose.

I think that's ridiculous and used an extreme example to make my point. I did not, at any point, liken wanking to praying.

As ISNT said more eloquently than me, presumably the room has been set aside so that women can feel comfortable breastfeeding whilst out and about with other women doing the exact same thing.

Praying is not the same as breastfeeding and I consider it extremely rude of anyone to use a room set aside for a particular group of people for their own needs.

ISNT · 27/01/2011 23:03

No, praying is worse as it's OK to intrude on people who are chatting or fire-eating. It is not OK to intrude on someone who is communing with their deity of choice. There is a tiny quiet room and someone is in their silently on their knees in prayer. Is it OK to go in there and disturb them? Well no, it's not, is it. Praying is a very personal and private activity.

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/01/2011 23:03

I consider you extremely rude to equate praying with wanking. Even though I am not religious and have never prayed.

Rhinestone · 27/01/2011 23:03

Cora makes an excellent point!

And why have so many posters assumed the woman is a Muslim?!

Serendippy · 27/01/2011 23:03

The BF room is at the discretion of the management

Sorry to bold this, but as we all know, finding praying women in BF rooms is not a common occurance. It is possible that she had the permission of the management to do this. The room can at any point change use.

Rhinestone · 27/01/2011 23:04

Oh shut up bibbity, for the last time I didn't.

Serendippy · 27/01/2011 23:06

Is it OK to go in there and disturb them? Well no, it's not, is it. Praying is a very personal and private activity.

Yes, it is ok to disturb them as they are in a public place that has been set aside for other use. By this, I don't mean that it's OK to go in and shout at them but it is fine to go in and use the room for its purpose. The person praying would expect this to happen. It their prayer was that private and personal, they would not risk being out in public at prayer time.

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/01/2011 23:06

Oh but you did.

falsemessageoflethargy · 27/01/2011 23:06

We'll have to disagree I think Rhinestone - I wouldnt mind for example if a woman was upset (lets use this rather than the wanking example) and felt that that was a place where she could go and sit for a bit.

When I was feeding I found them very supportive places where people would be talking and the like.

I was a very timid feeder with ds - didnt feed outside the house for 6 weeks and almost had a breakdown when I had to and yet I think that even I would have been fine in a room with a woman - not even facing me but facing mecca as she couldnt see what a mess I was making of it - much more so in fact than someone clearly finding it very easy and sat opposite me watching iyswim.

ISNT · 27/01/2011 23:06

Someone upthread called for them to be taken away.

What is wrong with women wanting some privacy while they BF? Some do, and some places prove a room for that purpose. Said women are very pleased and make sure that is where they go when they go out. The alternative is not going out very far. Why must everyone toughen up, get over it, and so on? Why not just accept that some women are not confident about this and stop having a go at them.

Original poster
emsyj · 27/01/2011 23:06

Am guilty as charged Serendippy - well put.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 27/01/2011 23:07

How can anyone know that the praying lady didn't approach the management first?

falsemessageoflethargy · 27/01/2011 23:07

I assumed she was Muslim because she got her mat out and not a hassock rhinestone.

And my experience of that is that its not the completely private activity that one imagines - it can be done anywhere but I think it cant be done with men - someone correct me.

Serendippy · 27/01/2011 23:08

This is the point I have been trying to make all the way through!

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/01/2011 23:09

How can anyone know that the praying lady had "commandeered the room" or that she didn't expect to be disturbed?

Presumably, as she was in the breastfeeding room, she would have fully expected the possibility of someone popping in to feed their baby.