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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the breastfeeding room is for breastfeeding?

264 replies

emsyj · 27/01/2011 20:00

Today I went into the breastfeeding room at my local John Lewis to find a lady on a prayer mat praying. I was a bit taken aback really and just wondered if I am being unreasonable in thinking this is inappropriate.

The breastfeeding room is generally very well used. I have never been alone in there, and today another lady came in to feed her baby a couple of minutes after I arrived. The room is pretty small - with 7 small tub chairs it is full really, with space for probably one pram/buggy if all the chairs are taken. Often on a Saturday it is standing room only in there. On weekdays there are on average 2-3 women in there feeding when I go in.

The lady praying today had taken up two chairs with her stuff and then laid out her mat on the floor. This didn't leave much space for people who actually wanted to use the facility for its intended purpose. However, I think my main objection to the lady praying is twofold: firstly, I felt a bit uncomfortable whipping my boobs out in front of someone who was actively in prayer. I am not generally bothered about feeding in front of people (I only left the restaurant to feed because DD is now 8 months old and very easily distracted so I wasn't getting anywhere in there) but I did feel inhibited. Secondly, the breastfeeding room is for women who are breastfeeding - surely people should have some respect for that? Maybe I am being a bit precious on this one, but really the facilities for breastfeeding (if you want to feed in private) are very limited and should be reserved for people who really need them.

So, am I being unreasonable then???

OP posts:
IAmTheCookieMonster · 27/01/2011 20:15

The point of a breastfeeding room is that you have privacy to breastfeed.

It is not a general sitting room, if its ok for the woman to pray then what about the girl that wants to sit and do her homework somewhere quiet because the cafe is too noisy etc...

She made the OP feel uncomfortable which entirely undermines the point of it being a private place to feed your baby and NOT feel uncomfortable.

NinkyNonker · 27/01/2011 20:17

And I don't think the op is being pious about bf either.

unfitmother · 27/01/2011 20:17

In Islam there are specific times to pray.

Cleofartra · 27/01/2011 20:18

YANBU

Tsk. These Muslims. Trampling all over the rights of British breastfeeding mums with their fanatical religious rituals.

Hmm

(sorely missing the rolling eye emoticon which was the ONLY thing I liked about the Bounty forums)

buggerlugsandbananafeet · 27/01/2011 20:18

YANBU. It was quiet so it wasn't really a problem and perhaps she had asked staff first if it was ok, even so, I think I would have felt like you.

StayFrosty · 27/01/2011 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MotherJack · 27/01/2011 20:22

"There is a time and place for prayer" That has really made me laugh Manicbfc. There is certainly a time for prayer and the woman observed it and found a place where she felt comfortable doing so. She was unreasonable by taking up two seats with her bags, but in all fairness she had probably walked in to an empty room.

stuffthenonsense · 27/01/2011 20:23

it is a BREAST-FEEDING room! for breast feeding. it is put there so people can breast feed without feeling awkward. in fact i see no difference in her using the BREAST FEEDING room for praying as a healthy non-disabled person 'popping in' to a mother and toddler parking space.
YANBU

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/01/2011 20:23

Am very surprised at this. Where would the praying woman go if she were not in John Lewis?

You need to ask some of our Muslim Mumsnetters, op.

P.S. I have bottlefed my baby in the JL breastfeeding room, and very nice and relaxing it was too.

foxytocin · 27/01/2011 20:23

Manic, Muslims pray five times a day and the times vary throughout the year according to sunrise and sunset. So it really could be any time or any place that prayer begin.

Original poster
emsyj · 27/01/2011 20:27

There is a separate area for bottle feeding rubyslippers There is no prayer room that I know of.

OP posts:
fishie · 27/01/2011 20:27

well if we were playing MN bingo i think we'd pretty much have HOUSE here.

methodsandmaterials · 27/01/2011 20:28

It was a woman so why feel uncomfortable? Prayers only last a few minutes and she probably would have moved on if the room was required by breastfeeding mothers. Plus, I doubt she would have minded if you had moved her stuff.

I think that you're giving this incident more mileage than it deserves.

Honeybee79 · 27/01/2011 20:29

YABU. If there was space then what's the problem?

I FF and have bottle fed by baby in there - would you object?

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/01/2011 20:30

What, so in John Lewis there are two doors you could go through when your baby needs a feed?

One with the symbol of a baby at the breast?

And one with the symbole of a baby having a bottle?

Do me a favour!

Serendippy · 27/01/2011 20:31

The woman may have an agreement with staff that if she is out and about during prayer time, she can use the room. In which case, YABU because although it is nice to have the room, it is not a right and the management have the right to allow people to use it as they see fit.

However, I kind of agree with stuffthenonsense about someone using something just because it is there and no one else is using it at the time. It is not comparable to a disabled toilet as these are a necessity, but is comparable to a P&T space; It is not a need or a right, but is nice to have, and most would agree that it should not be used by able-bodied people without children just because it is closest to the door/has extra wide bays/is near a trolley park/whatever. So in that respect YANBU.

reelingintheyears · 27/01/2011 20:31

Where do men go if they want/need to pray while shopping at JL? Confused

RIZZ0 · 27/01/2011 20:33

How do we even know this room faces Mecca? Department stores can be disorientating.

gordyslovesheep · 27/01/2011 20:36

she may have had a compass

she was praying - it's no biggy - I never used BF rooms anyway pah! I'd rather sit in the cafe with a cup of tea and a cake

Original poster
emsyj · 27/01/2011 20:36

Why am I giving this incident 'mileage' methodsandmaterials ??? I am just asking what other people think about it. I didn't ask her to move or leave, she did her thing and I did mine - I just felt a bit funny about it and yet felt that I shouldn't.

I think if the room was bigger, I would think it was ok. The fact is though, it is really tiny and usually quite busy. The chairs are right up next to each other and there would not be room, for example, for two women to sit and breastfeed at adjacent chairs. If I had come in to find two feeding mums and the 'praying lady' (if I may refer to her as that, since I don't know her name) then I would definitely not have felt comfortable asking her to leave. It would feel very wrong to interrupt someone in prayer. I suppose I feel a bit annoyed that, in those circumstances, I would have had to turn round and leave.

And yes yes I KNOW that didn't actually happen.... So I accept maybe I am being precious. I just like people to follow rules! I am a slavish rule-follower, perhaps I am transferring my own repression eh? Grin

OP posts:
stuffthenonsense · 27/01/2011 20:36

breastfeeding mothers NEED the space because they are JUDGED for breastfeeding in public places, have you any idea how awful it is to be sitting in a vulnerable position (boobs out) in public and have some total stranger wander over and complain that you are disgusting? it is a highly emotive issue and women need a place to feel safe doing it.
for those who question where else the praying woman would go, i would ask where you think her husband might be?

Original poster
emsyj · 27/01/2011 20:38

Yes gordyslovesheep I normally whip 'em out in the cafe too, but DD is too nosey these days and the John Lewis cafe is far too exciting for her to focus on feeding so I went in the feeding room (after a failed attempt in the cafe) so that there would be less distraction.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 27/01/2011 20:39

Am boggling that there is a bottle feeding room and breastfeeding room

Everyone is just feeding their babies ...

Serendippy · 27/01/2011 20:40

stuffthenonsense I agreed with your earlier post, but also think that a person risks being judged and verbally abused if they take out a prayer mat and start praying in the middle of a cafe. As with BF, this shouldn't be the case, but it is. So I think that, as nice as a BF room is, if the people who make the rules say she can use it, she can. It is their room to provide comfort and privicy to whomever they deem in need.

ilovesooty · 27/01/2011 20:40

I'm puzzled. What does the woman's husband have to do with it?