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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that the breastfeeding room is for breastfeeding?

264 replies

emsyj · 27/01/2011 20:00

Today I went into the breastfeeding room at my local John Lewis to find a lady on a prayer mat praying. I was a bit taken aback really and just wondered if I am being unreasonable in thinking this is inappropriate.

The breastfeeding room is generally very well used. I have never been alone in there, and today another lady came in to feed her baby a couple of minutes after I arrived. The room is pretty small - with 7 small tub chairs it is full really, with space for probably one pram/buggy if all the chairs are taken. Often on a Saturday it is standing room only in there. On weekdays there are on average 2-3 women in there feeding when I go in.

The lady praying today had taken up two chairs with her stuff and then laid out her mat on the floor. This didn't leave much space for people who actually wanted to use the facility for its intended purpose. However, I think my main objection to the lady praying is twofold: firstly, I felt a bit uncomfortable whipping my boobs out in front of someone who was actively in prayer. I am not generally bothered about feeding in front of people (I only left the restaurant to feed because DD is now 8 months old and very easily distracted so I wasn't getting anywhere in there) but I did feel inhibited. Secondly, the breastfeeding room is for women who are breastfeeding - surely people should have some respect for that? Maybe I am being a bit precious on this one, but really the facilities for breastfeeding (if you want to feed in private) are very limited and should be reserved for people who really need them.

So, am I being unreasonable then???

OP posts:

gaelicsheep · 27/01/2011 21:38

Porcamiseria - don't you find they advertise what you're doing more than if you just get on and do it? I don't personally understand why people are shy anyway after the first few weeks. I am hardly an exhibitionist - very far from it - but I just get on with it and to hell with who notices (and I bet hardly anyone does).

As I said, my issue is that the only places that are reasonably comfortable to feed tend to be cafes and I don't want to spend money to breastfeed - it's kind of the point that it's free!

gaelicsheep · 27/01/2011 21:39

Really thegrudge? Are you saying that a cafe can't ask you to buy something or leave? I would never take that as a slight against breastfeeding, I'd say it was fair enough.

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/01/2011 21:45

I love John Lewis but think its a bit bollocks of them to section off breastfeeders from bottle feeders. If dads are out and about with their young babies and want to feed them with a bottle in a private area then they need to get over the fact that there will be breastfeeding mothers in there.

And mothers who breastfeed: just need to get over the fact that not all shops provide a private exclusively bf area.

There's no need for segregation, surely!

gaelicsheep · 27/01/2011 21:46

I reckon breastfeeding mothers using the room would complain.

thegrudge · 27/01/2011 21:47

Maybe a small place that was getting busy might ask you to leave if you weren't eating, I don't know, but JL isn't a cafe in the commercial sense. Its a massive shop that rides on its reputation for customer service. Most women who are bf in there will spend something in one of the departments and they wouldn't want to get that chippy with customers for the sake of them sitting on a chair for 20 mins in the cafe instead of the bf room.

missfairlie · 27/01/2011 21:52

Probably YABU. I can see your point, but I expect she just chucked her stuff down casually as the room was empty when she started. I can see why she wouldn't break off, mid-prayer to move it either. I would have moved it carefully myself if it was in the way. It wouldn't bother me feeding while she was praying.

gaelicsheep · 27/01/2011 21:54

Wow. We don't have a JL so can't comment, but I'll have to try it in one of the larger cafes.

ISNT · 27/01/2011 22:05

YANBU and I would not have been able to feed there for fear of interrupting someone at prayer. With DD1 I was rubbish at feeding in public so not sure what the answer would have been.

porcamiseria · 27/01/2011 22:06

I dont care if people know I am BF! I just want to 10000000% hide my tits!

that said DS is 6 months now and tries to pull it up and shows everypone, so its losing its appeal slightly!

megapixels · 27/01/2011 22:09

ISNT but people are used to life going on around them while they pray. My kids jump around me and even roll on the mat while I pray. No need to fear that you are interrupting anything, especially if you are breastfeeding a child in a breastfeeding room!

ISNT · 27/01/2011 22:10

That's how I would feel though, if I were the OP I would not have gone in there. I would feel deeply uncomfortable about it and worry that I had disturbed them.

gaelicsheep · 27/01/2011 22:10

Well yes I agree with your sentiment for sure. But can't you just position your top/coat judiciously? I don't think anyone can see my breast when I'm feeding DD. DH says not - I hope he's telling the truth!

Rhinestone · 27/01/2011 22:11

I'm going to go against the majority of the grain here and say YANBU - I think it's completely outrageous.

Couldn't give a flying monkey's buttcheek what religion the woman was - the point is it's a BREASTFEEDING room, set aside for women engaged in that activity. How dare any random member of the public waltz in there and decide to use that room for their particular thing. What utter selfishness.

I would have asked her to leave and I would have complained to the management. Utterly unacceptable. And agree with other posters that it's essentially no different to parking in a disabled place because there's no disabled person in it.

weedle · 27/01/2011 22:13

at all the prayer vs bf fight posters! I'm surprised this has been raised as I would have thought that you were in a similar position. Both wanted a bit of peace and relative privacy. I'm surprised that there are not more prayer rooms actually. If I were pushed I'd say her choice to pray trumps your choice to BF.

manicbmc · 27/01/2011 22:15

Also surprised that there aren't more prayer/quiet rooms available in larger dept. stores. Which was kind of my point earlier, though I don't think I put it across that well.

gordyslovesheep · 27/01/2011 22:15

if you where skint would you be shopping in JL though?

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/01/2011 22:17

Of course you bloody would! JL is not expensive.

ISNT · 27/01/2011 22:19

Is it a choice to BF?

I used to go to JL when DD1 was small as it was 20 mins in the car and I knew that they had a room I could feed. I didn't go to other places for that reason.

I'm not sure that feeding a baby is a choice if it's exclusively BF.

I suppose the answer is to go to the toilets?

ISNT · 27/01/2011 22:20

Or just go home again of course.

Does praying really trump feeding a baby?

reelingintheyears · 27/01/2011 22:21

weedle.

Really???

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/01/2011 22:22

"I would have asked her to leave and I would have complained to the management".

Well that would have made you look very silly indeed Rhinestone. JL provide the breastfeeding room as an extra facility. Its not your place, as a customer, to now claim exclusive rights to the facility that need not necessarily be there. If I were a JL member of staff and you came and complained to me about a loan woman harmlessly using the bf room I would be beyond scathing about you, your life and your motives for complaining.

weedle · 27/01/2011 22:23

I think it is a choice to BF, there is another option.

weedle · 27/01/2011 22:24

Ooh x posts

reelingintheyears · 27/01/2011 22:24

I think it is a choice to pray,there is another option.

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/01/2011 22:24

Have I missed something?

Was it not possible for the breastfeeder to feed the baby in the room at the same time the other person was praying?

Had the praying woman put a notice on the door saying "Keep Out"?

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