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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the breastfeeding room is for breastfeeding?

264 replies

emsyj · 27/01/2011 20:00

Today I went into the breastfeeding room at my local John Lewis to find a lady on a prayer mat praying. I was a bit taken aback really and just wondered if I am being unreasonable in thinking this is inappropriate.

The breastfeeding room is generally very well used. I have never been alone in there, and today another lady came in to feed her baby a couple of minutes after I arrived. The room is pretty small - with 7 small tub chairs it is full really, with space for probably one pram/buggy if all the chairs are taken. Often on a Saturday it is standing room only in there. On weekdays there are on average 2-3 women in there feeding when I go in.

The lady praying today had taken up two chairs with her stuff and then laid out her mat on the floor. This didn't leave much space for people who actually wanted to use the facility for its intended purpose. However, I think my main objection to the lady praying is twofold: firstly, I felt a bit uncomfortable whipping my boobs out in front of someone who was actively in prayer. I am not generally bothered about feeding in front of people (I only left the restaurant to feed because DD is now 8 months old and very easily distracted so I wasn't getting anywhere in there) but I did feel inhibited. Secondly, the breastfeeding room is for women who are breastfeeding - surely people should have some respect for that? Maybe I am being a bit precious on this one, but really the facilities for breastfeeding (if you want to feed in private) are very limited and should be reserved for people who really need them.

So, am I being unreasonable then???

OP posts:
reelingintheyears · 27/01/2011 20:41

So i go to the shops and stop in a disabled bay for a couple of minutes.

There are four spaces for disabled parking and the others are empty.
One other car pulls up there while i am in the shop who has a disabled badge.

I run in and get a paper and go back to my car.

AIBU to park there? genuine question.

Original poster
emsyj · 27/01/2011 20:42

No bibbitybobbityhat not like that - you go into the parent and baby room (which is clearly for both mums AND dads) and immediately in front of you there is a space with a few chairs and a sign saying 'bottlefeeding area', then on the left there are the changing tables and at the far end on the left is an open doorway and there is the breastfeeding area. I understand that they are separate because dads might use the bottlefeeding area.

The bottlefeeding area is hopeless, a lady feeding her baby there today was almost crushed by the door when I went in with the buggy to change DD's nappy. They need a better space for this really.

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 27/01/2011 20:42

would you prefer the woman to be praying in the cafe then?

I'm not sure what you want - it wasn't perhaps the most suitable place but that is down to John Lewis who maybe should be encouraged to provide a prayer room

she has a right to pray and maybe it would be uncomfortable for HER to have people abuse her for doing so?

I never had anyone confront me for BF though and I never had my boobs out - I had my top lifted and baby snuggled in and the other boob still in the bra - I think if you have to sit with them out and obvious you need to get some support with the whole thing

mama2plusbump · 27/01/2011 20:42

Ive prayed in a breastfeeding room,library,train station etc...
Hw long did the women take? Not long i bet. She prob quickly put her stuff down to pray...and its your problem that u found it awkward to breastfeed infront of a women praying but u were ok in a resturant...

Hmmm!!

Icoulddoitbetter · 27/01/2011 20:43

I think if it had been a mad praying in there, then YANBU, or if it was busy. But it wasn't, so YABU.

Generally women who feel uncomfortable about BF in public do so because they worry that people will stare, or think they are wierd, or that other people may see their boobs. It was woman praying who had chosen to do it in there so clearly has no issues with BF, and was busy so she's not going to stare at or even see the breasts being fed from. She wasn't interfering with the feeding mums (unless she had refused to move her stuff if it had got busy).

Really, where else was she going to go? We don't like it if we're foeced to BF our DC's in the toilet, should we expect someone to pray in there?!

I've fed DS in a church at a funeral before. If there is a god, I'm sure he doesn't mind!

mama2plusbump · 27/01/2011 20:43

Also prayed in changing room, have asked staff and its been fine!!!

Raahh · 27/01/2011 20:43

At the branch of JL I worked at, a prayer room was provided for the use of staff. Had a customer wanted to use it, they would probably have been able. (Especially if staff suspected the person asking was in fact a mystery shopperWinkGrin)

The baby change room was quite small, though, with a couple of spaces for women to sit and feed. I think you would be hard pushed to find space between the mahoosive prams to pray on the floor.

I saw a woman praying in the stairwell once. Often, women would bf in the gift list reception area (nice comfy seats). Not sure what my point is, maybe that JL can be quite inclusiveSmile

Honeydragon · 27/01/2011 20:43

I don't use feeding rooms in shopping centres I just find a chair, but I'm not using John Lewis if they really segregate bf and ff mothers as that is utter utterly ridiculous .... bonkers.

Icoulddoitbetter · 27/01/2011 20:44

Sorry that was of course supposed to say man, not "mad"!

methodsandmaterials · 27/01/2011 20:45

ruby, I think that the bottlefeeding room is to ensure that bf mothers don't have to worry about ff fathers being present.
emsyj - I wasn't having a go at you. I just don't think that it was a massive deal. She probably felt just as awkward as you did. Plus, chances are that she wouldn't have started her prayers if there had been someone in there.
Anyway, the important thing is that your DC was fed right?
Smile

Serendippy · 27/01/2011 20:45

reelingintheyears YWBU to park in a disabled space as these are a legal right. This is why you can get fined for parking in a disabled space but not for using a BF room incorrectly.

It is the difference between a necessity and a want. The disabled spaces are a necessity. A BF room is handy.

megapixels · 27/01/2011 20:45

People go to breastfeeding room to escape the dimwits who don't like breastfeeders. If there was a woman praying there it can be safely assumed that she is fine with women breastfeeding. I don't understand what the problem is. You say the room was quite empty and praying only takes a few minutes so she'd be out before the hypothetical crowd of bfers arrive.

curlymama · 27/01/2011 20:46

YANBU. She made you feel uncomfortable, and the whole point of a bf room is that you can feed while feeling comfortable.

But you probably didn't need to feel uncomfortable, I don't suppose she was bothered.

I have a close friend who is Muslim, but she doesn't practice at all. When we were younger and both living at home, I spent alot of time at her house. When her Aunt was visiting from abroad, she used to pray regularly, she went into my friends bedroom to do it. My friend would just walk in there and practically step over her. I felt very awkward at first, but her whole family thought I was being silly, (whilst understanding) the Aunt was only praying! I got used to it and realised it was really no big deal, but I do understnad why you felt wierd about it OP.

gaelicsheep · 27/01/2011 20:47

I can understand where you are coming from OP. YABSU because the woman made her choice to use that room presumably knowing that someone may well come in there to feed. Now if the woman had complained about you breastfeeding while she was praying...

Raahh · 27/01/2011 20:47

They definitely don't segregate ff and bf mothers either - the room is (in most branches) one, all encompassing , baby change facility!

reelingintheyears · 27/01/2011 20:47

Surely a BF room is a necessity too?

Original poster
emsyj · 27/01/2011 20:48

Ah yes, Raahh I think there was when I worked there too. I had a vague notion there was a prayer room but never seen one as a customer - think it's a staff one.

I have no issue with the fact that this lady clearly needs somewhere to pray - and I have no idea where she would go if the breastfeeding room was full/unavailable.

Honeydragon I don't think it's a question of segregating bf and ff mothers - I was under the impression that the ff area is for mums AND dads as it is in the 'parent and baby room', which is for both mums and dads. It is a separate area, it's not in the toilets.

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 27/01/2011 20:48

they do in Solihull Raahh

maybe she was directed there by staff ?

falsemessageoflethargy · 27/01/2011 20:48

I would have found it more interesting than anything else - its not like it lasts that long anyway.

I would have just sat down and got on with it - generally people arent precious about it - surely she was feeding in there precisely because men wouldnt be coming in.

rubyslippers · 27/01/2011 20:48

Am sad we are scared of breasts

That women feel unsure of feeding in public

We have a loooong way to go that's for sure

My DH wouldn't bat an eyelid at a woman breast-feeding - actually he'd probably think it was brill

Original poster
emsyj · 27/01/2011 20:49

I can assure you Raahh that the Liverpool John Lewis branch (which is a new build, only been open a couple of years) definitely has two separate and signposted areas, albeit both of them accessed through the same 'parent and baby room' door.

OP posts:
falsemessageoflethargy · 27/01/2011 20:49

sorry praying in there

thegrudge · 27/01/2011 20:50

Our JL has a breastfeeding room and a bottle feeding room. The bottle feeding room is so men can warm their bottles in the bottle warmers without disturbing women who in all probability are shy breastfeeders (or they would be in the cafe).

I think the breastfeeding room should be just for breastfeeding as breastfeeding only has its own room to accomadate people who specifically don't want to breastfeed in front of other people. I suppose people who require prayer rooms are currently in the postion that people who require bf rooms were 20 years ago. Its a bit like spending years campainging for disabled loos then finding them overun with people who have been told to feed their babies in there.

I'm RC so I feel I can pray whenever and wherever I like. I don't think I would feel the same if I was a muslim so I can see the need for a place to pray and I can see the attraction of an empty bf room for a few minutes, like empty p&t spaces late at night when you don't have a dc with you.

Raahh · 27/01/2011 20:50

Ahh, well... SolihullGrinThat explains it!Grin (remember when we sent staff to help open there..seems ages ago now).

TheEvilDead2 · 27/01/2011 20:51

What is the point in a breast feeding room if it isn't used soley for BF? If you want quiet and no distractions that's what it is there for.