Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the breastfeeding room is for breastfeeding?

264 replies

emsyj · 27/01/2011 20:00

Today I went into the breastfeeding room at my local John Lewis to find a lady on a prayer mat praying. I was a bit taken aback really and just wondered if I am being unreasonable in thinking this is inappropriate.

The breastfeeding room is generally very well used. I have never been alone in there, and today another lady came in to feed her baby a couple of minutes after I arrived. The room is pretty small - with 7 small tub chairs it is full really, with space for probably one pram/buggy if all the chairs are taken. Often on a Saturday it is standing room only in there. On weekdays there are on average 2-3 women in there feeding when I go in.

The lady praying today had taken up two chairs with her stuff and then laid out her mat on the floor. This didn't leave much space for people who actually wanted to use the facility for its intended purpose. However, I think my main objection to the lady praying is twofold: firstly, I felt a bit uncomfortable whipping my boobs out in front of someone who was actively in prayer. I am not generally bothered about feeding in front of people (I only left the restaurant to feed because DD is now 8 months old and very easily distracted so I wasn't getting anywhere in there) but I did feel inhibited. Secondly, the breastfeeding room is for women who are breastfeeding - surely people should have some respect for that? Maybe I am being a bit precious on this one, but really the facilities for breastfeeding (if you want to feed in private) are very limited and should be reserved for people who really need them.

So, am I being unreasonable then???

OP posts:
Serendippy · 27/01/2011 20:51

No, I don't think a BF room is a necessity as many people do it in cafes etc. If a BF room was a necessity, there would be one in every department store, supermarket, shopping centre. Don't get me wrong, I was crap at BF and always would have sought out a BF room, but I would not have expected to have one everywhere I went.

A BF mum is going to be BF for a few years at most, probably not much of this time is going to be spent needing BF rooms as IME the longer you BF, the more confident and discreet you become. However most disabled people are going to be disabled forever so it is a very different situation.

That is why I compared a BF room to a P&C space; something that most people will only need to use for a limited amount of time and, if not there, they will be able to find another solution.

stuffthenonsense · 27/01/2011 20:51

honeydragon why is it bonkers? it is allowing fathers to use the area to feed the babies a bottle if they so wish.

icoulddoitbetter----i have had a complaint when feeding my baby in public, i had one button open, one boob completely covered by baby's head and then on top of that a silkshawl, i was exposing nothing, this guy ever so slowly cruised past me, staring, and then went to management to complain.

and i dont think anyone has that big an issue with the woman praying, its her choice, nobody is suggesting she doesnt do it and it doesnt really matter what she was doing actually, other than that she was not feeding a baby.

Icoulddoitbetter · 27/01/2011 20:51

reelingintheyears in that situation I think I'd be tempted to park in the disabled space from a moral / ethical POV, as you were going to be so quick it would be very unlikely three others with a blue badge would turn up in the time it took you to run in and get the paper (assuming

IAmTheCookieMonster · 27/01/2011 20:52

honeydragon, they have separate areas so dads can bottle feed without making breastfeeding women feel uncomfortable.

pozzled · 27/01/2011 20:53

I imagine that finding a place to pray as a Muslim must be somewhat similar to finding a place to breastfeed. You don't have control over when you do it, would probably prefer a quiet and calm environment and may face prejudice/discrimination from others.

In the circumstances described in the OP I don't think the lady was BU. If she had tried to turf bfing mums out of the room, or refused to move her stuff when asked, then yes that would BU. As it was I think she was quite sensible in taking advantage of a quiet room.

I do wonder though whether shops/ shopping centres etc will have to start providing prayer rooms soon.

MoonUnitAlpha · 27/01/2011 20:53

I wouldn't object to her praying in there so long as there was enough room, and she would have moved if other breastfeeders needed the space.

GandTiceandaslice · 27/01/2011 20:53

tomorrow this will be on Matthew Wright.

Original poster
emsyj · 27/01/2011 20:53

You know what, rubyslippers I don't feel the least bit unsure of feeding in public and would agree that we need to normalise breastfeeding. I feed in public most days of the week and have never been made to feel uncomfortable. However, I do thank goodness for the breastfeeding room as DD just cannot cope with the sheer size of the John Lewis cafe with all its interesting food stations/customers/tables/large windows with views and focus on milk!

I did feel a bit odd about feeding in front of someone in prayer, but I am really interested to hear that breastfeeding is prescribed in the Koran and is positively encouraged in Islam. Had I been more informed about that I think I would have felt comfortable feeding in front of the lady in prayer. So that's progress for me I guess - you learn something new every day!

OP posts:
foxytocin · 27/01/2011 20:54

You mind a woman Praying in a small bf room but you would not mind someone dragging in a big pram? it isn't a buggy park. Just saying.

ivykaty44 · 27/01/2011 20:54

What the grudge said

Icoulddoitbetter · 27/01/2011 20:54

stuffthe that was my point I think, going to a room means that you don't need to worry about tossers like that! But someone praying in there doesn't affect this as you are still safe in your room (what I mean is someone who has chosen to pray in a BF room is hardly going to complain to you / management about someone BF in there!).

Icoulddoitbetter · 27/01/2011 20:56

When travelling in south and central america, I saw women bf everywhere and anywhere, including in church, during mass. Twas a lovely sight to see Smile

BitOfFun · 27/01/2011 20:56

I would have been a bit irritated, I think. But ostentatious religious stuff gets on my nerves anywhere, to be honest. Then again, so do a lot of things. Meh.

iJudge · 27/01/2011 20:58

The bf'ing room in our JL offers no privacy whatsoever. It's right at the far end of the room but they have taken the curtain down and the bottle warmer is directly outside - so you sit there feeding while a queue of people wait to warm their bottles.

It doesn't bother me but does kind of defeat the purpose.

Original poster
emsyj · 27/01/2011 21:01

foxytocin I'm not sure what you're getting at? I carried DD in from the cafe, leaving my buggy in there. I didn't have a pram with me Confused?

I was only able to do that though because I had friends with me. Had I been on my own I would have HAD to take my buggy in there with me, not sure where you would suggest I leave it??? I wouldn't just abandon it, for fear it wouldn't be there any more when I got back!

OP posts:
TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 27/01/2011 21:02

This thread is like Daily Mail Island meets Harry Hill.

Which one is better - Praying to Allah or Breastfeeding in front of people?

THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT.

Honeydragon · 27/01/2011 21:04

emsyj

x post, after I saw how you described the area, at first I thought you meant two entirely separate rooms which made me Hmm

BitOfFun · 27/01/2011 21:08

Tond Grin

So true.

manicbmc · 27/01/2011 21:13

I am sorry to have possibly come across as intolerant - I really am not. I do know that Muslims pray 5 times a day and the time varies.

My point was that it's a room for breastfeeding. Not all mothers feel as relaxed about getting their norks out in public.

Surely if there was a demand for quite rooms for prayer then they would be available in public areas?

Psammead · 27/01/2011 21:15

My immediate reaction to the OP was 'wow. Two women in need of a quiet corner and some privacy both get what they need. How great is that?'

And that's still my reaction.

Why feel territorial over a space when there was space enough to share?

Your what if's didn't happen, everyone came away happy. Yay.

manicbmc · 27/01/2011 21:16

Oh bloody hell! I meant 'quiet'.

Psammead · 27/01/2011 21:16

There are seven chairsin the room. OP would not have been guaranteed total privavcy no matter what.

gaelicsheep · 27/01/2011 21:28

I disagree that women using the bf room must be shy or they would use the cafe, as suggested by thegrudge. They may simply not want to buy food/drink. That's why I make for Mothercare if DD needs feeding. I'm not shy, I'm just skint!

porcamiseria · 27/01/2011 21:33

I dont get the whole BF room thing, as this time around (and I get flamed everytime I mention it!) I bought a nursing cover

NOT a hooter hider

OMG it has saved my life, so now I feed everywhere and no longer need to sit in a manky little room BF

so OP whilst I get your gist, I think YABU a bit

but if you are the type to want to be discreet and use a room to BF (fair enough) I highly recommend these

then you never need to use this shitty little rooms ever again

thegrudge · 27/01/2011 21:38

If you sit in JL cafe without buying anything then you will not be turfed out. Sometimes people sit for ages reading the paper and such without eating or drinking anything. Its not the sort of place where bf women are asked to leave or buy something.