to think that having sex 5 days after childbirth is plain bloody strange?

[GetOrfMoiLand]

DP's friend's wife has just had a baby last Thursday. All fine and dandy, but she had a long birth (24 hours or so).

DP saw his mate yesterday, asked how the baby was etc, said 'yep she's fine and so is X (his wife), we had a good shag as well last night, so all back to normal'

DP thought 'wtf' and so did I.

[clam]

I felt like I'd been kicked in the crotch by a carthorse for a good 6-8 weeks after having DS. With DD, was sitting cross-legged on the floor a couple of hours after the birth.
Even so, no way would I have been up for a shag. Even if half the family hadn't been in the room visiting at the time.

[LoveInAColdClimate]

While I have not yet given birth, from others' descrptions, the idea of sex 5 days later is making me feel quite faint. UANBU.

[LittleWhiteWolf]

I had a tough back to back delivery with DD, yet my little fanjo handled it beautifully, with no tears or anything. So DH and I had a very brief tryst 2 weeks post birth (using protection) and it was brilliant. There wasn't really any bleeding as I recall. That's not to say I'd expect to have sex again so soon after another birth nor that I'd expect everyone to be at it like rabbits straight after labour. But I wouldn't say the OPs friend is automatically lying.

[valiumredhead]

I just googled and NET DOCTOR says it is oral sex that should be avoided in case of germs and air being blown into the womb and causing an embolism - he'd have to be puffing like a trombone to cause enough wind surely?! Intercourse is when the woman is ready. I am thoroughly confused now......

[CameronCook]

valiumredhead I guess the infection risk is that as the cervix is open and there is an open wound from the placenta the sperm could cause an infection to the wound site?

[maxybrown]

I hardly think you are repressed if you don't enjoy sex during period - I do remember it once with an ex and we were both a bit put off by it and didn't do it again (did lots of other things that might raise eyebrows mind you )

I just can't do gooey blood and willy's togther and DH's sex drive is quite low anyway - but yes, each to their own. I do not, in all these situations mentions on here think of any of them as abusive at all - I personally would just not like it. Going off the size of some of the blood clots, I can't imagine there would have been any room for anything else in there oh and the CONSTANT Bfeeding knackered me - though i do remember us romanticating in other ways now I am thinking about it

[valiumredhead]

cameron ah yes, that makes sense, I'd forgotten about the wound from the placenta.

[DayShiftDoris]

The mentions of postnatal sex causing death is not a horror story in fact about 12 years ago their were 2 women who died within a month of each other from postnatal intercourse.

I remember because I was doing my training at the time and there was a lot of hopeful for an excuse worried women.

In both cases the intercourse was protracted and in doggy position and in one of the cases illegal drugs were involved.

When the placenta delivered it does indeed leave a wound and the vessels raw and it seemed that these women died because air had entered the vessels and the position of the intercourse plus length of time taken was significant.

I learnt to tell couples that a bit a loving missonary was absolutely fine without blushing too much and the women usually added 'as if he's ever coming near me ever again'

The official line is when you feel ready but I think you want to wait until you have stopped blleeding and if you have stitches give it a decent healing period so not undo the sutures.
Sex is more that penetration though and there is plenty you can do that may be nicer and will help to prevent sex becoming fearful.

(you can tell I do the speech a lot!!)

Had to snigger at a nurse friend who was left speechless by a lady who had gynae procedure after - she was told 'no intercourse for 6 weeks' and she replied 'I'm a lesbian does that count?' Friend wasn't sure and the doctor was clueless!!

[sonsiexstitch]

I am most disgusted that he announced it to his colleague tbh. I would be furious if DP did that.

Personally I couldn't walk properly at 5days.

[TheEvilDead2]

He is lying and a cunt.

[figcake]

I don't think that it is abusive or anything that extreme - it just seems kind of needy I suppose which I find really unattractive in itself: 'make sure he is still satisfied just in case he goes looking for it elsewhere' or even 'ASAP make sure he still finds me attractive enough to sleep with after I have pushed out a seven-pounder' or 'make sure he does not start seeing me as being (or I don't turn into) a frigid, old frump; I've gotta prove I can keep all my balls in the air unlike X or Y

[redrollers]

Can someone explain the safety angle please.
Why is it dangerous.
I mean a medical person, not just what the useless imo hv says

[doricpatter]

figcake - so in your mind it is beyond the realms of possible that a woman could want sex within a few days of giving birth? Maybe those of us who've said otherwise on this very thread are liars too, Evil?

[figcake]

No, not "beyond the realms of possibility", though I am sure that there are many who convince themselves they are enjoying it for reasons mentioned above (and maybe even retrospectively) more so than if their bodies could speak for themselves.

[doricpatter]

Can't you read? I was GAGGING for it. I was ripped to bits (unstitched 2nd degree) so couldn't manage penetrative sex. We made do otherwise. I didn't convince myself of anything and I'm insulted by your suggestion.

[figcake]

I was ripped to bits (unstitched 2nd degree)

Euuch. It wasn't you that started that other thread about sex addiction by any chance?

[figcake]

Ok, look, truce.
Your vagina. Your rules.

[CatFlaps]

Yuck!

[CockneySparra]

Gross. Don't believe the bloke, and either way e is a cock for bragging/lying/whatever.

Can we stop talking about stitches, ripped fanjos and infected wombs now, please?

[NancyDrewHasaClue]

I find these threads so insightful.

The idea that other woman cannot just take at face value that a woman likes sex, gets pleasure and enjoyment from it, maybe even fancies the pants of her husband and (shock horror) lusts after him a little is frankly weird.

Instead if she is having sex at a time which others consider unusual she is considered as needy and trying to prove some sort of a point. I find it odd on the extreme.

DH and I don't even have a particularly wild sex life - certainly nothing that I have ever considered would raise so much as an eyebrow on MN or amongst friends so I am astonished at the judgements levelled at woman like myself who have enjoyed sex at a relatively early stage post natally.

The idea that anyone would force themselves to have sex to prove some sort of point is insane.

[Giddyup]

Figcake, I can assure you that I haven't convinced myself of anything, retrospectively or otherwise. DP and I couldn't keep our hands off each other for a few weeks after we had DD. There is nothing needy about it. She is 11 weeks and things have waned somewhat now but that is because DP is away 6 nights a week at the moment! We have just been so, so happy and in love with the world that huge amounts of intimacy are a natural progression of that.

[WoodysHat]

After having DC4, physically we could have had sex at the 5 day mark - my bleeding had stopped ( although started again a couple of days later) and my fanjo was fine, I didn't have any post-birth pain at all. However, there was no way I was up for anything of a sexual nature. I was knackered from constant bf and sleepless nights and my husband wouldn't dream of even asking at that stage!

With the other DCs we had sex anything between 3 weeks and 10 months afterwards.

[CockneySparra]

Oh FFS, who wants a dick stuffed up their fanny 5 days after pushing out a baby, and when there is a real and well documented risk of serious infection and damage to the woman?@NancyDrew.

Crazy, irresponsible people. Or compulsive liars.

[doricpatter]

LOL! Not guilty. Seriously, I was massively randy. It lasted for about a week, maybe 10 days, and hand on heart I would've been an extremely willing participant in sex if I'd been in one piece. I can understand that being hard to believe - after my first I was NOT interested. But that's how I felt.

DP was bemused, but not unhappy. Think he's a bit disappointed that it wasn't sustained - as am I!

[DayShiftDoris]

redroller

See above