to think that having sex 5 days after childbirth is plain bloody strange?

[GetOrfMoiLand]

DP's friend's wife has just had a baby last Thursday. All fine and dandy, but she had a long birth (24 hours or so).

DP saw his mate yesterday, asked how the baby was etc, said 'yep she's fine and so is X (his wife), we had a good shag as well last night, so all back to normal'

DP thought 'wtf' and so did I.

[legalmums]

I didn't have heavy bleeding, in fact no bleeding during any of the births. All were natural and all were assisted by my 'big baby' only.

Time after birth to sex varied. 1st child it was 'desperate for the same day' but was about 3 days later, but very cautious.

After 2nd child it was a few days, 3rd child a few days and last child, I can't remember.

My 'big baby' I guess has always adored me and very much during each pregnancy, so although I felt 'fat and ugly' I was made to feel wanted, desired and highly appreciated for the previous 9 months hard work.

Big Baby also did most of the 1st three months nappies and 'between feed' adoring of baby, so it was pretty good.

[redrollers]

Bibbety, no health professional ever told me when it was ok to have sex. At 6 week check gp was not surprised at all that I had already had sex. Not quite 5 days, but 3 weeks after very traumatic birth. But no bleeding and all healed and no pain.
Obviously you think the risk of infection is there if you have stitches but never heard of embolism possibility before.

[LisamumtoJake]

ewww can't imagine it! I was about 8 weeks after i had DS, i had him be EMCS, and bled for 5-6wks, never had a vag birth but i bled a fair bit, infact at the beginning it was em...running down my leg when i first got up for a shower on labour ward

[doricpatter]

Glad to hear your judgey pants are off, figgy.

And now, to bed.

This was me tonight

[bibbitybobbityhat]

Am really surprised that people seem unaware of the dangers of this.

[figcake]

I am sorry to hear about your loss Nancy. Thank you for sharing.

[figcake]

Doric - I was not being judgemental; that's what my experience basically was, that's all.

I didn't find pregnancy a "horrible slog" either and I had several people offering me support besides DH (infact some more than DH).

[NancyDrewHasaClue]

thanks Doric

I'm still stunned that of all the risqué sexual practises that get discussed on MN post natal sex is attracting so much comment.

[doricpatter]

Nancy :( I'm sorry for your loss. It's true that sex can be a way of communicating, and after the arrival of a child, particularly your DC3, your partner as the person who was by your side is the only one know knows what you've been through. I'm glad that you found a little comfort.

[NancyDrewHasaClue]

figcake with dc1 I had a vaginal delivery and did it after 9/10 days. I was BFing but not yet exhausted. I think it was a case of first baby andbeing totally, utterly in love with my life and the world.

With dc2 (another vaginal delivery) we waited more like 3/4 weeks. Had a 14mth gap so maybe not quite so in love with world

DC3 was a preterm delivery which sadly he didn't survive. DH had sex within days but it was a very strange time and I think we both needed each other and it was a way of reaching each other and understanding without really having to discuss what we couldn't yet face. It was comforting.

Sorry if that rather changes the tone of the thread but it's something I try to be honest about as the issue of postnatal sex after losing achild comes up regularly on these boards and is almost always surrounded by guilt.

[doricpatter]

I'm sorry figcake, I've just reread your post and this: "Otherwise they were skin to skin. I think I barely left their side or stopped looking at them." has got me pissed right off again.

How very dare we express some affection for the person who has been our unwavering support through a (fucking horrible) 9 month slog of pregnancy and then been there for us through labour, when we should be paying attention to the baby? Not only am I a victim of abuse/a man pleaser/deluded/lying but now I'm a bad mother too!

[WidowWadman]

Had sex about a week after EMCS. Have not been advised against it, or to wait a set period of time, but midwives in the postnatal ward said to use a condom as long as there's lochia.

The air embolism thing strikes me as bobbins, certainly from normal penetrative sex, otherwise it'd be banned throughout pregnancy, surely.

[figcake]

You bleed much less after a section - they do a lot of cleaning up while they're in there.

doric - Thanks, I learnt something today.

[NancyDrewHasaClue]

cockney as dayshiftdoris has carefully explained the risks appear to relate to prolonged, (and presumably not particularly gentle) intercourse in a certain position. Doesn't seem to be any risk associated with a little gentle lovemaking (Christ I am 33 and cannot say that phrase without a little - maybe I do have an issue!)

giddyup I can really relate to your comments about just feeling so happy and in love with the world. And having just shared the joy of producing a baby together everything was a little bit magical and amazing.

Feelings did wear off though - so maybe just down to hormones

[doricpatter]

You bleed much less after a section - they do a lot of cleaning up while they're in there.

And both my babies have slept solidly for the first couple of weeks, having to be woken for feeds in order to establish BFing in one case. What with being on maternity leave I didn't know what to do with myself

[figcake]

So, just to clarify, do you maybe bleed less after a section? Did any of you have a vaginal delivery and still do the deed within a few days? Were you bf ?(I found that DCs were clamped onto breast seemingly permanently in those first days in order to establish their milk supply. Otherwise they were skin to skin. I think I barely left their side or stopped looking at them.)

[Giddyup]

DD was born by c section, my bleeding had stopped (temporarily), the midwife said it was fine. DD was asleep for about 3 weeks after she was born so we weren't even tired (then!)

[doricpatter]

Cockney, I should add that nobody ever told me, with either of my kids, not to have sex. I'm not saying it's safe to have sex that early - just that I had no idea it was risky til I read this thread.

[Pumpster]

We did it about a week after my cs with dd2. My bleeding stops and starts after a section and we felt like it. So what?

[DayShiftDoris]

redroller

See above

[doricpatter]

LOL! Not guilty. Seriously, I was massively randy. It lasted for about a week, maybe 10 days, and hand on heart I would've been an extremely willing participant in sex if I'd been in one piece. I can understand that being hard to believe - after my first I was NOT interested. But that's how I felt.

DP was bemused, but not unhappy. Think he's a bit disappointed that it wasn't sustained - as am I!

[CockneySparra]

Oh FFS, who wants a dick stuffed up their fanny 5 days after pushing out a baby, and when there is a real and well documented risk of serious infection and damage to the woman?@NancyDrew.

Crazy, irresponsible people. Or compulsive liars.

[WoodysHat]

After having DC4, physically we could have had sex at the 5 day mark - my bleeding had stopped ( although started again a couple of days later) and my fanjo was fine, I didn't have any post-birth pain at all. However, there was no way I was up for anything of a sexual nature. I was knackered from constant bf and sleepless nights and my husband wouldn't dream of even asking at that stage!

With the other DCs we had sex anything between 3 weeks and 10 months afterwards.

[Giddyup]

Figcake, I can assure you that I haven't convinced myself of anything, retrospectively or otherwise. DP and I couldn't keep our hands off each other for a few weeks after we had DD. There is nothing needy about it. She is 11 weeks and things have waned somewhat now but that is because DP is away 6 nights a week at the moment! We have just been so, so happy and in love with the world that huge amounts of intimacy are a natural progression of that.