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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that having sex 5 days after childbirth is plain bloody strange?

195 replies

GetOrfMoiLand · 26/01/2011 12:25

DP's friend's wife has just had a baby last Thursday. All fine and dandy, but she had a long birth (24 hours or so).

DP saw his mate yesterday, asked how the baby was etc, said 'yep she's fine and so is X (his wife), we had a good shag as well last night, so all back to normal'

DP thought 'wtf' and so did I.

OP posts:
GMajor7 · 26/01/2011 16:46

LMAO @ 'bloodsports'

twopeople · 26/01/2011 16:50

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naughtymummy · 26/01/2011 16:52

We waited 2 weeks the first time. I think we both wanted to know that it was still working ok. Of corse it wasn't the most earthshattering experience, but things slowley got back to normal.

I think that if you wait until you both feel 100% up for it, then by that time it has this huge significance and so much riding on it (sorry couldn't help it) that if it is not as good as you were hoping or expecting the let down is that much bigger.

For those of you that waited for months rather than weeks, did you go back imeadiately to the sort of sex and sexlife you had experienced pre-birth or did it still take time ?

NancyDrewHasaClue · 26/01/2011 16:53

Re the pain/not feeling thing I think you can have localised discomfort and/or a sense of not feeling penetration to the degree that you usually would but as a whole still really enjoy the experience.

Sex isn't simply the physical act of pentration, some parts of it are more enjoyable than others and after childbirth I guess you just need to spend a little time working out what works for you and what doesn't. It can also be an incredibly emotional, intimate experience between two people who have just gone through an exceptional personal experience together.

naughtymummy · 26/01/2011 16:58

Inebriate and lubricate Smile

Mrswhiskerson · 26/01/2011 16:59

Aaaaaargh my vajajay has clamped shut at the very thought of it , five days I think I would have gone for himif he went anywhere near in the Vincinity of it .

twopeople · 26/01/2011 17:00

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Mrswhiskerson · 26/01/2011 17:03

Naughtymummy I waited three months and it was actually better still is now , well it was better once I got over the my belly looks like blamange mindset.

ambarth · 26/01/2011 17:06

Talk about painting the town red...

naughtymummy · 26/01/2011 17:07

Second time round we waited longer, as I knew it could be as good again (or indeed better). I think if we ever had another I might wait longer still.3 months does seem a looong time tho

PatTheHammer · 26/01/2011 17:10

twopeople- I think this very much is the key. In a relationship there are many ways to share intimacy and handle strong rushes of love etc without actual sex. Whereas for some people, the sex is the way in which they show affection.

Naughtymummy- we didn't wait months but waited about 8 weeks with DD and 4 weeks after DS. I really did want to feel 100% before embarking as such. I am glad I did as yes, it was back to normal straight away and felt nothing but right. We did do other stuff in the meantime, I think everyone does as this is part of a healthy relationship but also a good way of testing 'rediness' both physicallya nd emotionally.

doricpatter · 26/01/2011 17:11

I'm actually a little bit annoyed now. Just because some people find the idea of sex (in their opinions) too soon after giving birth repulsive, there are cries of abuse, lying and coercion. Because YOU didn't want to do it means nothing. You can't judge others and their relationships by your rules. As some of us have pointed out, we were very much up for it. Surely the most likely explanation for the OP's friend to have been having sex is that she wanted to?

notapizzaeater · 26/01/2011 17:12

Omg - Id have killed him ...

Though have a friend who has convinced hubby that she cant have sex for a month after a smear and apparently she has annual smears Wink

BettyCash · 26/01/2011 17:13

Dunno if anyone's said this yet but maybe the bravado was to counter negative feelings - e.g. an out and out fib bc he was scared, sad, spaced out, turned off etc...

MrsMooo · 26/01/2011 17:17

If it was consentual and enjoyed then fair play to them. I know several women who had sex during labour (google orgasmic birth) and a few who don't see their period as a turn off/reason not to enjoy sex

Personally I wouldn't have been up for it at that stage, so YANBU to think WTF.

and some people talk freely about their sex lives. meh, each to their own on all counts I think

doricpatter · 26/01/2011 17:17

In fact, those who call this man a liar - how is that different to a person who gave birth without pain relief calling women who get distressed by the pain wimps? I hate this idea that because someone's experience of something is different then it isn't valid Angry

NancyDrewHasaClue · 26/01/2011 17:19

doric I agree. I really don't like the tone of some on this thread or the implication that because I enjoyed sex soon after the birth of my DC's my relationship is in someway lacking.

Having said that given the horror expressed by some at the idea of sex during your period I suspect that some people are a little...ahem...repressed Grin

naughtymummy · 26/01/2011 17:20

PTH I think of weeks as "normal" or average , but only because that was what felt right for me. ( five days would have felt too soon and five months too long) doesnt this thread demonstrate that we are all different in what feels right for us.

NancyDrewHasaClue · 26/01/2011 17:22

mrsmoo I have to say sex during labour would be one step too far for me (although I am not averse to plenty in an attempt to get this baby out!) but I have seen the orgasmic birth DVD and it is amazing

PatTheHammer · 26/01/2011 17:26

naughty- Yes I think that is the point that most people are making, these experiences effect everybody differently and hormones/birth experiences are different for everyone.

I don't think anyone is coming across as 'repressed', most are saying.....it isn't for me but each to their own. Or maybe I am reading it wrong

HollyBollyBooBoo · 26/01/2011 17:39

My old boss' wife told him they weren't allowed to have sex for 6 months after childbirth as it might kill her Confused

The look on his face when we told him it was recommended not to have sex for 6 weeks not months was priceless. Would love to have been a fly on the wall when he went home that night!

NancyDrewHasaClue · 26/01/2011 17:41

pat I think that is what you are saying (i.e. it is not for you but to each their own)

I think a lot of people are saying Sick/vomit/boak. He is a liar/she is being abused or is a man pleaser....etc etc.

I think there are a lot of fairly derogatory comments towards a woman who lets face it has hardly done anything outrageous.

midori1999 · 26/01/2011 17:49

I have had sex within 2 weeks of having all my DC and several days after my last birth. I didn't tear/have any sticthes and bleeding was light/minimal by then and most of all, I wanted to.

I have actually been told by a midwife and an consultant that 'if you want to make love before your six week check, don't forget to use effective contraception' and asked each time I left the hospital after giving birth whether I had considered contraception. No mention of waiting six weeks at all.

Obviously it hasn't killed me.

susiedaisy · 26/01/2011 17:50

he is talking crap i should think! anyway after 5 days the neck of the cervix is still slightly open so there is a big infection risk!

valiumredhead · 26/01/2011 17:59

I am probably being very thick here but when you have a period isn't the cervix open? How is having sex on your period different to post birth? Blush Is it the amount it's open?