To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

[Foreverondiet]

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

Do you realise how much of a knob you sound when you insist on referring to your cleaner as "cleaner".

Bet you call of your nanny by shouting "nanny" as well.

cant believe the cleaner had to tell you when she was getting married
cant believe you didnt ask

she is the person you leave your children with all day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i do hope she has a wonderful wedding in september and her new husband can afford to keep her over there and sack her job off

And there was me getting all cross and it's a joke..[bgrin]

I don't understand why the OP is horrible. The nanny gets weeks off a year.

I didn't get extra time off when I got married. I put in for annual leave, same as everyone else.

I don't think that getting married is something that you deserve special leave for, sorry, I really don't. It's something you plan - you choose the date - you sort it out around your annual leave entitlement. Surely?

I'm not breaking the law. She gets the bank holidays plus 4 weeks. 2 weeks of her choosing and 2 weeks of ours. Additionally she generally gets more as I get 4 weeks and I generally let her go away when I am away.

For all those stable boys type comments, I'm really offended. I have 3 DC aged 4, 7 and 9 months. It would cost EXACTLY the same to have the baby with a childminder all day and after school and holiday cover for the older 2.

Yes, of course I have to give her time off but trying to work out how much is reasonable.

In terms of the weddding, she's having a very small intimate wedding in eastern europe with her eastern european friends, I wouldn't expect to be invited, I wouldn't be able to speak to any of the other guests.

Sorry called her nanny in way I call my son DS1, could call her "M" if thats better.

OP, I think you've been unfairly flamed here.

Your nanny was being presumptious for booking the wedding wihout checking thaat the dates would be fine with you, made worse by her reluctance to show any flexibility over her other holiday. She equally could have taken the 2 week holiday of her choice to have her wedding.

Who in their right minds organises to be away on leave without checking with their boss that it's fine

However. She's otherwise been a good nanny so you need to accomodate her and find a solution that works for you both. Luckily you've found out early enough to arrange suitable cover.

How did the cleaner tell you the nanny was getting married when the cleaner doesn't speak any English?

sack the bitch. She is probably sleeping with your husband anyway.

If the cleaner doesn't speak any English how did she manage to grass the nanny up?

you call her 'the nanny'. Have you seen the Scarlett Johannsen film where she plays a nanny?? Was the mother from hell based on you??

I've just been discussing this with my valet and he thinks YABU. The cook's on your side however.

She is giving you 9 months notice, how much more do you want?! Your analogy with teachers is stupid - they know when their holidays are and plan accordingly. You don't have this arrangement so she can hardly do likewise.

I can think of very few employers who would not manage to give an employee 2 weeks off with 9 months notice for such a special occasion.

YABU and, as someone else has said, who do you think will come first if you refuse - an employer who thinks so little of you or the man you are planning on spending the rest of your life with. I think you might fin yourself nanny-less if you are not a little kinder.

Bollocks
x post with purepurple

YABVU and I don't actually believe this is real (can't believe I'm heading down the troll route) ...
I got married last year and had no holidays left .. my manager didn't bat an eyelid when I asked for a few extra days off after the wedding (our holiday/honeymoon was a month later).

So how did "the cleaner" communicate to you about the wedding of she speaks no English?

Also, how are her (inconsistent???) religious practices any business of yours?

Finally, she has given you plenty of notice. It is a shame that she didn't feel able to discuss her plans with you sooner, but I can see why that might be. Use the money saved from not paying her for that time and hire a temporary nanny.

When I got married I was self employed and still working with curlers in my hair at 10am when we had to be at the church for 2pm.
She doesn't need to land her employer in the lurch to get married and is being inconsiderate, nanny's know the score.

So

she contractually gets 4 weeks paid leave?

So when can she take the other 2 weeks?

It's January and she wants time off in September, so you have over 8 months notice and your telling us you can't get someone else to mind your kids between now and then. Really??

YABU

"Oh, and I can't speak for your nanny , but I fucking hate being called "the nanny""

What do you prefer Milk? Genuine question, I also hate saying "the nanny" in conversation, I say "my nanny" most of the time but it still doesn't sound right

is this normal then - nannies have to take their holidays to suit their employer
How could you not know when she was getting married anyway? Don't you talk to her?

June presumably for the retreat?

I'll bet she has some Eastern European friends who would get the coach over England for two weeks to cover for you... they might even work out cheaper than nanny.

I don't get why you are getting all this hassle, do other posters have jobs where they are entitled to take extra 2 weeks off work when they get married? I've never worked anywhere where you get extra 2 weeks holiday allowance when you get married. I had to use my holiday allowance for my honeymoon, don't most people use their normal annual leave for honeymoon?

As I understand it, she gets 6 weeks paid leave, only 2 weeks of which she can choose the dates of her leave, so she should use that for her honeymoon if her wedding date isn't round her other leave. you aren't refusing her time off for her honeymoon, you will give her those days off, but that would mean she's used her leave for the year so can't go away in the summer as well.

Leave op alone
Domestics nowerdays have to many rights
She should be thankfull for a job
The world is going to hell in a handcart