To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

[Foreverondiet]

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

What does your gardener think to it all though?

Is this serious?

I'm not sure I understand why you're getting all the biscuits either - is it just because you employ a nanny? If you had an employee working in your business who had two weeks leave to take, and suddenly announced they wanted an additional two weeks (and there was noone to cover for them), how would that be reasonable??

YANBU. She needs to either forgo the retreat in exchange for time at home for wedding and honeymoon, or arrange the wedding for the other 2 - 4 weeks that you give her paid holiday. Could you arrange a date in advance that suits both of you? Surely she should have discussed this with you before setting a date?

Why on earth is this a problem?

Surely to goodness the cleaner can mind the children?

Unless of course she is going to the wedding and has holiday at the same time.

atswimtwolengths

that depends on your job. my friend had to plan her wedding before she had booked leave. she couldn't book her leave more than 6 months in advance, so she had no choice!

however, she has very normal employers who realise that getting married is a very important thing, and were more than happy for her to take that time off

I am still interested in where the other 4 weeks that the OP says they give the nanny have gone.
2 for the retreat.. that leaves 4. I fail to see why she can't have 2 of those for her wedding?

I do agree that nanny should have asked already rather than waiting for OP to find out... but now the OP knows she needs to sort it

I am annoyed she just assumed it was ok to have unpaid leave without asking, "it never even occured to her" puts me in a hard position as now I have to take unpaid leave which will leave me out of pocket.

I will try to make other arrangements but I have a nanny as I can't rely on anyone, eg DH's parents work and my parents are abroad.

Sounds to me like you need a robot as a person with a life sounds all too inconvenient.

Well, good luck finding a replacement.

I don't get it. Why can you not ask her to take some of her leave entitlement for her wedding and you take some of yours to cover. Is literally all of your leave already spoken for? And/ or get hubby to take a week's leave too?

And finally ... must just do a Burns emoticon ... [bbear]

Is "cleaner" your cleaner? How fortuitously named!

Oh stop being such fucking inverse snobs. Those of you who work, what would your bosses say to this arrangement? Would they let you just take two weeks unpaid leave on a date of your choosing, in addition to the six weeks of paid holiday you get already?

OP - if DH's parents only asked you last year re the holiday then how can it have been in the calendar for two years?

Have you tried NANNIES R US?

They should be able to get a stand in

.

Honestly, some people!

This thread has given me a jolly belly laugh.

OP - if you're this delightful to everyone else then I'm not in the least bit surprised you don't have anyone else who will mind your kids for a few days.

Also, does your employer not have flexible family arrangements? Compassion leave?

You have 3 kids, not 13. What do you think everyone else does who doesn't have £ for a nanny? The rest of us ask other family members, friends or just take the time off ourselves.

Sorry to be rude, but I find it all a bit absurd.

Lara2...me to.

The nanny has 4 weeks per her contract.

2 are to be taken AT HER CHOICE OF DATES

The other 2 are to be taken AT OUR CHOICE OF DATES (ie when we are away with DH's parents over Easter). She also knows that if she wants to go away during school holidays we will try and accomodate and will use the opportunity to visit my parents.

Having asked around my friends with nannies this arrangement is common - some don't allow any term time holiday at all.

It is not until september so surely you can sort out 2 weeks childcare between now and then.
Use a childminder or do a nannyshare with one of your friends.

ok cross posts... so you're going on holiday for 2 weeks, and she has 2 weeks for the retreat

that still leaves 2 weeks.

I am also interested in how she is going to plan and arrange her wedding if she gets back to her home country the day before it happens.

would YOU have been happy doing that for your own wedding OP?

"Those of you who work, what would your bosses say to this arrangement? Would they let you just take two weeks unpaid leave on a date of your choosing, in addition to the six weeks of paid holiday you get already?"

Yes, pretty sure they would actually, for a once in a lifetime thing like a wedding and with 9 months advance notice.

I know a couple of people at work who've taken unpaid leave so they can go to australia, for example, for 6 weeks instead of 4 to visit family.

Dear god! I never can usually bring myself to post on a thread like this but am a bit worried that you might be for real. Its her wedding, a one off (hopefully) you are being completely unreasonable and you must know this ?

Jesus, surely this must be a troll?

Marriage and a wedding are really big deals. maybe less so in some cultures in the uk but as a generalisation, throughout the world they are a HUGE deal. and since she has been working for you for a couple of years, then quite frankly, I would assume that YOU would take the time off, and go to attend her wedding, with your kids.

two weeks unpaid leave to go back to your home country to get married is NOTHING.

Have you asked the butler and the gardener if they have holidays planned too...

dearie me....

Ok. Am trying to see it form your perspective.

She should have told you right away that she was planning the wedding in September and asked if it were ok to take two weeks leave then.

That was unreasonable of her.

Going by your reaction, she knew you would not be happy so perhaps that is why she organised it and presented you with a fait accompli.

Give her the extra two weeks, get a temp nanny for that period of time - you are not going to be paying her anyway - and put it behind you.