To tell my nanny she can't take days of for her wedding.

[Foreverondiet]

Have had same nanny for several years and each year she does some sort of retreat thing in June, 2 weeks. She is allowed 2 weeks holiday when she chooses and the rest when we choose (usually another 4 weeks worth).

Anyway she tells me she is getting married.... I think nothing of it until cleaner says did you know it was in September this year. I ask the nanny and she said, yes she was thinking she's take some unpaid leave. Try to push how much she needs, she wants another couple of weeks. I suggested maybe she wouldn't do the retreat this year but she was almost in tears and said she couldn't believe I wouldn't give her time of for getting married (she's going back home to eastern Europe to get married).

I asked her why she thought it would be ok, as I don't have enough holiday to cover it because we have already committed to go away with DH's parents. And yes I can take unpaid parental leave but this would be very expensive, and leave my boss being a bit annoyed with me.

The reason we have a nanny is that I have 3 DC, aged 4,7 and 9 months and its the only way I can work (full day nursery/childminder for baby plus after school would cost almost the same and this way she looks after older DC if they are ill or during school holidays).

Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?

I never call the person who looks after my children "nanny", I call her by her first name, same as the person who does some cleaning, also by her first name.

She left for a year before DS2 was born when I didn't need someone all day and the other family didn't let her do the retreat as "all holiday had to be during school holidays".

The holiday with DH's parents was booked around a year ago but was discussed with her before we booked it several months before then.

well, she should have approached you first, because the roundabout way you found out her plans set things off to a bad start.

I think you have to try to accommodate her request though, since she has given you quite a lot of notice and it's an event unlikely to recur during her employment.

Though frankly I do see your view too that she should be prioritising her own time off as well and possibly ditch the retreat.

It's not impossible to find two-week cover and maybe she could help you to do so. It's not ideal, and has costs, but you've got to be a reasonable employer.

Can't your parents come stay or something?

dont like the way DH has been let of the hook because he has commitments (yes his kids)

poor nanny and cleaner

My bosses refer to me by my name in conversation but for the purpose of this conversation I would prefer she said "my nanny" or "the nanny" as apposed to just "nanny"

Her name is not nanny presumably.

yes, it is quite odd that she has been looking after your children for "several years" and yet you don't even know what her retreat is "some sort of retreat thing"
and you don't even ask her when her wedding is when she tells you she is getting married??

weird!

you are breaking all human laws of decency and civility.
cannibalism isnt illegal in germany, not sure about here, but, that doesnt make it right.

quite frankly, I am disgusted by you op.

fake. A honeymoon is a very different kettle of fish to a wedding. honeymoons arent important in the same way.

Peering - the nanny only gets to pick two weeks of holiday a year at the time of her choosing, the rest she has to take when the op wants her to. The majority of jobs are more flexible. Not all, but presumably the op has that flexibility.

And yes, I know my employer would be that flexible because they gave me time off unpaid so my nanny could go on holiday. My employer is great but I think it's completely reasonable considering the nine months notice!

I tried to ask my parents to come and stay during the retreat but they decline.

I have said I would be ok with her finding a friend to cover but it has to be the same friend each day not whole mix of different people.

So she has four weeks leave per year. She usually gets to choose the date of two of them but this year as a wedding present to her and to reward her for several years of loyalty and reliability you allow her to choose the date of the other two weeks too.

You have oodles of time to find cover in the form of friends, family, childminder, nanny.

She is a person with feelings and a wedding to organise in another country. Her groom may have work commitments which make it hard to choose a different date. Other important family members may not be able to make different dates. There could be a million reasons why she can't book it at a better time for you.

Don't put a shadow over this poor girl's wedding just because she is inconveniencing you slightly.

You are probably within your rights to insist that she changes the date but haven't there been times when she's gone above and beyond for you and your children?

Why spoil a good working relationship with someone you can trust to care for your children in order to make a point when you aren't even sure that you are being reasonable?

I have spoken to my nanny and cleaner about this issue and they are in agreement that you are being inflexible. Pool man is undecided however.

the problem is, she gets 2 weeks off for the retreat (which could be classed a sa religious holiday, yes? her other holiday has to be taken when the OP decides it is convenient to them. she is getting married, should she get married when the OP decides that she is allowed the week off? weddings need to be booked in advance, why should she organise it according to when the OP is going on holiday with her PIL's?

You are disgraceful

Two weeks extra holiday allowance is not the same as extra unpaid leave and I everywhere I've worked, public and private sector, would grant unpaid leave for something like a wedding if required.

Frankly, in the current climate, my employer would be quite glad to give me some unpaid leave

Do you know what? Let's hope she reads MN and this thread and she just doesn't come back after she gets married - well, maybe just a text to tell you she's not coming back
probably more thought and consideration then yyou're giving her.

No it's not low at all MmeLindt; quite standard I think. My DP gets 29 days pa in the public sector, and he's been there for 7 years - it was less when he started.

The OP stated that the nanny can take unpaid leave during the school holidays, so why didn't she arrange the wedding for then rather than during term time? If there was some special reason for the wedding to be on that date, then why didn't she discuss this with the OP and explain? If she were a teacher, would she not be expected to arrange a two week absence for a wedding/honeymoon for during the holidays? I don't see the difference.

I think that the thread title was unfortunate, and that loads of the posters on here have just piled straight in to flame the posh bird who 'has staff'.

Well said Al1son!

OP just a thought, but if your not paying the nanny, will you taking parental leave (possibly with option of working from home so less days unpaid) really be a huge difference?

Your right about the principle of it, but employers get better results from employess when they treat them as fellow humans.

YABU. I have set amounts of holiday. Dh is a teacher he gets set holiday out of term time. We got married in the summer holidays and I used my normal annual leave.

That is what happens when you ar employed. WHereI used to work we were told no more than 2 days holiday between Sept and December, a colleague wanted to get married in Sept, she couldn't.

Btw, GloriaSmut are you a namechanger or have I just not noticed you posting before? 2nd thread tonight I've nodded at your sage words (t'other was the wedding one).

How much holiday per year do you get op? Has this been covered? What about your dh?

I'm guessing the OP has a nanny not just for the financial reasons but also for continuity for her DC's. If it were me, and I had no family to cover looking after then I certainly wouldn't want a replacement nanny in for 2 weeks that was a complete stranger to my DC's. The youngest would only be 18mths.

Sorry, I don't understand people's issue here. You are her employer. If you have a contract that states she gets a certain amount of holiday then you don't need to give her more. I want time off for a friend's wedding abroad, a festival and my wedding/ honeymoon as well as time off at Christmas.. I don't get enough holiday days so I'm not going to glastonbury, simple, even though I go every year. I wouldn't dream of asking for more days off. Why should she?

You employ her so you don't need to worry about these things, she shouldn't go on the retreat.

However, if it means you lose a good nanny then you need to weigh up what's more important to you..

Your nanny getting married is inconvenient for you? 9 months advance notice?

Diddums. Just fucking diddums.

you said in the op that she works for you monday, tuesday and thursday. 3 days each week, for 2 weeks is only 6 days that you need to arrange childcare for. surely between yourself, dh and any other relatives/friends that could help out you can cover 6 days.

"Her wedding is on a Saturday and she works for me Mon/Tues and Thurs so its not as if she HAS to take time off, and if it really was that important to her why does she not cancel the retreat?"

are you really expecting her to get married on the saturday and be back in the uk to work on the monday?