To be pissed off re wedding invitation?

[cheekyseamonkey]

Some closeish friends invited us to their wedding in April. When they first discussed the wedding, almost a year ago, they talked about how cute our dd, then a few weeks old would look etc.

The invitation arrived and said no children. We were a bit annoyed as the only family we have living locally is DH's already harrassed and put upon mother who often cares for her other gc at weekends as their mum is a nurse. I'm also too lazy unimaginative to get dd to nap/bed other than BF to sleep, so that will be an issue; friends know both these things.

We accepted the invitation but politely explained that we would come to ceremony and meal but not the ceildh, hog roast etc after. I just had the groom round telling me off, that his future Mrs is in bits as she really wants us to just enjoy ourselves and let our hair down, stay over at hotel etc In fact apparently the reason there will be no kids is that they want people to enjoy themselves.

Apparently we will spoil thinhs! Who knew we were such soarkling company!?
More mutual friends have 4 under 4 & will struggle to get childcare at all.

I get that it/s their right not to welcome kids. but AIBU to be pissed off with the bullying attitude re staying all night?

spelling bad. clingy snotty baby = 1 handed typing. you get the idea.

YANBU. How often do your friends encourage you to take time off parenting? You don't have to stay all night but I'm rly surprised you're not making the most of this event - they don't come along every week yknow.

Sorry. That was obv a YABU from me.

Did wonder!

They are upset you can't enjoy the whole day with them, be flattered! But if they say no children they need to realise that they have to accept that it may be difficult for people.

I'm assuming they don't have children?

YABU

Its their wedding, they can invite who they like. Numbers soon add up and they can't invite your child without inviting everyones. I have four young kids and would rather not take them to a wedding and enjoy myself rather than spend the night making sure they are behaving and have to leave early as they have fell asleep.

Is it a far drive? Would you not rather stay the night and be able to have a few drinks?

Yanbu

I have no issues with child free weddings but would be pissed off at being railroaded into attending.

Tell them no means no, now fuck off.

No kids, but apparently can't wait to have them.

YANBU. Really bad behaviour from your friends - if you choose a childfree wedding, you need to accept the consequences - that people either can't come, can come to some of it etc. They seem to want it both ways. Just need to wait a bit until they have their hands full with their own DC. A friend of mine insisted on a totally childfree wedding and was absolutely mortified when she had her own DC and realised what she had put people with small babies through etc.

YANBU. Sounds as if you have been polite and have explained that you can come to some of the do. It's such a load of rubbish when people say that kids aren't invited because they want the parents to enjoy themselves. They should just be honest and say that they don't want to invite kids because of a lack of room or something. I'm sorry that it's caused a fuss!

No, I don't think YABU. As you say, it is their right not to want children at their wedding, but in so specifying, they should accept that this will prevent some people from coming. Bullying is not on.

In their defence, many couples who are getting married have not had enough close experience of children to understand at all what the issues are. I'm not really defending them, just trying to rationalise their behaviour as it's upsetting when close friends act in a way that you can't understand.

YANBU - if they choose not to invite children (which is perfectly reasonable), then they will have to accept that some people may have a problem with making it to the whole wedding.

I'm guessing they don't have children

Perfectly said orangepoo

YANBU - They can't force their guests to enjoy themselves! It's not totally BU of them to say no children but it is U of them not to respect your choice/circumstances. Did you explain the situation? What did they say to that?

Those of you who have said YABU - the OP's baby is breastfed to sleep - do you advocate that baby being left overnight with someone to cry himself/herself to sleep?

This winds me up!

I have no problem with child free weddings if they want one, it is their day. But to ring you up and emotionally blackmail you is not on. What if you couldnt get a baby sitter at all? Are they expecting you to just dump the baby at home alone?!

YANBU - up to them whether or not children are invited, but they need to accept that it may mean their guests can't come to the whole thing/stay overnight because of childcare arrangements - they are being unreasonable and a little bit spoiled to make any sort of fuss about you not going.

I wouldn't have been able to leave either of mine overnight at 5 months old, nor would I have wanted to, so I would probably have done the same as you, just gone to as much of the wedding as was feasible.

Apparently i should give her a bottle 'just this once'! Hmm, I've tried endless times to give ebm/cow's milk and she ain't having it!
Also, not breastfed to sleep, just breastfed before self settling in cot. I only clarify this because it's a recent development and I'm still whooping with delight every single evening! But still unable to settle without booby.

Bogeyface - not ring me up. Show up on my sodding doorstep! Also not 5 months old, she'll be [coughs] 15 months old, but still, she is my pfb, I'm allowed to feel this way!

YANBU, by deciding "no children" they have top realise not everyone will be able to do it. You are willing to go for a bit and leave early , it is more than I would have done.

They don't have a clue about children bless 'em. Not their fault but they might feel embarrassed in a couple of years time.

YANBU

I suspect it is thoughtlessness from not having their own DC yet though, rather than setting out to manipulate and bully. So try to forgive them (but don't give in and stay all night without your BF baby; enjoying yourself is the opposite of what'll end up happening!)

How have you left it with the friend/her DH?

These threads have been done to death...

My opinion is:

a) 1 year olds should be in bed by 7pm or 8pm. They get overtired and then its no fun for anyone, understand why they don't want children there. Slightly different if you have an older DC who could stay up. We are going to wedding when DS2 will be one year old, he will be invited but I will pay for babysitter (its abroad will be someone from hotel). Not fair on him to be awake after 7pm. DD and DS1 are bridesmaid and page boys (age 7 and 4) and will be up all evening.

b) Totally presumptious to expect people to stay at hotel unless they are paying, as its expensive. So in that respect YANBU.

c) Its unreasonable to expect people to pay for a babysitter all day and evening, ask if you can bring your DD to the ceremony. Then you slip out at 6pm-7pm settle her and leave her with DH's mum (or another babysitter, to be found by DH's mum).

I suspect that you are taking the rap for a whole load of people. If you were the only ones not going, then it wouldn't be such a big deal, but they've probably had a lot of people with childcare issues, and they feel that they will try to win round the most likely to change their minds - perhaps those with only one child?

If you are not there and booby isn't an option your LO will probably take a bottle if shes hungry enough.

I'm assuming from your original post that she is going to be about 1 at the time of the wedding.