To be pissed off re wedding invitation?

[cheekyseamonkey]

Some closeish friends invited us to their wedding in April. When they first discussed the wedding, almost a year ago, they talked about how cute our dd, then a few weeks old would look etc.

The invitation arrived and said no children. We were a bit annoyed as the only family we have living locally is DH's already harrassed and put upon mother who often cares for her other gc at weekends as their mum is a nurse. I'm also too lazy unimaginative to get dd to nap/bed other than BF to sleep, so that will be an issue; friends know both these things.

We accepted the invitation but politely explained that we would come to ceremony and meal but not the ceildh, hog roast etc after. I just had the groom round telling me off, that his future Mrs is in bits as she really wants us to just enjoy ourselves and let our hair down, stay over at hotel etc In fact apparently the reason there will be no kids is that they want people to enjoy themselves.

Apparently we will spoil thinhs! Who knew we were such soarkling company!?
More mutual friends have 4 under 4 & will struggle to get childcare at all.

I get that it/s their right not to welcome kids. but AIBU to be pissed off with the bullying attitude re staying all night?

It's their day so if they don't want children there then that is their decision. We didn't at ours and nobody complained (to our faces anyway!!)

However they are being unreasonable by complaning that you can't stay and party. They can't have it both ways!!

Is the wedding a long distance away?

I expect they just don't understand why one 15/16 month old couldn't be left for an evening, or overnight with a grandparent.

Tbh, you are not making a huge amount of effort to go are you?

switchtvoffdosomelessboring I don't debate their right to keep it child free, but I object to the Stazi themed fun order we've received!

She's only 5 months? Then it's very naive of them to expect you to be able to leave her.

It's fine for them not to invite your child

it's not fine to come round and advise you to just give a bottle etc

Fucking irritates me when they say oh we want you to enjoy yourself so leave the dc at home.

Enjoying myself doesn't involve being stuck at a shitty wedding with other peoples family, in one venue with overpriced drinks.

I will make my own plans when I want to let my hair down.

Don't go.

The groom has a lot of cheek, too.

YANBU.

It's one thing saying, yes, they can do as they please.

It's another their coming round to bully you about it.

I'd tell them to step right off and then if that didn't work, it'd be more like fuck right off.

FGS can't you spend one night away from your child!? You have till April to sort some of childcare. It can't be that hard can it?

(Astonished at number of people who don't read ops properly).

And what ENorma said.

Obviously they've never faced a hangover with a small child, either.

You said you'd go to the ceremony and meal, explained why you can't hang out all night.

Should just accept that and deal.

*some sort of childcare

'FGS can't you spend one night away from your child!? You have till April to sort some of childcare. It can't be that hard can it'

For some people, it really is.

It would have been impossible for us as my family live thousands of miles away and DH's family is too infirm to look after kids overnight.

And you know, some people don't want to spend one night away just for someone's dumb fucking wedding.

YANBU. What's with the forcing people to have fun by leaving their kids against when they don't want to . Have a child-free wedding by all means, but be prepared for the fact that some people will not be able to go along with the whole thing. You are being a good friend and attending their wedding, just not doing everything they're dictating.

YANBU.

If a couple decide to have a childfree wedding then they have to accept that some people may not be able to, or may not want, to come.

It is their choice to restrict invites. They must be prepared that some guests will not come. They are unreasonable to try and bully and persuade people to come.

Don't feel guilty.

So frostytits, what do you suggest? No available family? Random neighbour perhaps? WE just moved, so once I find out all their names, I could just dump her right? Ooh I/ll really have fun & let my hair down!

What expat said
and spend the next two montgs weaning on to a bottle just for your precious wedding , at which they'll probably talk to op for all of ten minutes

Yeah the bullying isn't fair! If you don't have the childcare what are you supposed to do?!

'If you are not there and booby isn't an option your LO will probably take a bottle if shes hungry enough.'

Not necessarily true.

My DS was a bottle refusnik. DH and I had a very rare night out when my mum came to visit when he was about 4mo (she lives nearly 4 hours away from us), and he woke up and wanted booby.

He refused the bottle of EBM that mum offered him. Fortunately we got home about 30mins later!

Hire a babysitter?

YANBU about being bullied about it.

They've decided no kids, you've decided that you'd rather be with your DD than them.

(I would be doing the reception but going home at the end if it were me, it's only one night, and I like weddings. You've got time t sort out the childcare, and really with this much warning you should be able to sort something. BUT IT IS YOUR CHOICE)

It might not be a case of is it that hard? It might be they'd rather not. Especially if childcare is hard to come by - some people may prefer to use limited childcare for something they chose to do, rather than something they are railroaded into.

What a babysitter will cosleep and breast feed all night frostytits? Wow!

And do you know how much overnight babysitters cost ??

LOL at "FGS can't you spend one night away from your child!?". I think some people wouldn't want to leave their children overnight just to attend someone's wedding.

YANBU

The groom coming over and having a go would have made my mind up. What a bell end.