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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off re wedding invitation?

160 replies

cheekyseamonkey · 24/01/2011 16:37

Some closeish friends invited us to their wedding in April. When they first discussed the wedding, almost a year ago, they talked about how cute our dd, then a few weeks old would look etc.

The invitation arrived and said no children. We were a bit annoyed as the only family we have living locally is DH's already harrassed and put upon mother who often cares for her other gc at weekends as their mum is a nurse. I'm also too lazy unimaginative to get dd to nap/bed other than BF to sleep, so that will be an issue; friends know both these things.

We accepted the invitation but politely explained that we would come to ceremony and meal but not the ceildh, hog roast etc after. I just had the groom round telling me off, that his future Mrs is in bits as she really wants us to just enjoy ourselves and let our hair down, stay over at hotel etc In fact apparently the reason there will be no kids is that they want people to enjoy themselves.

Apparently we will spoil thinhs! Who knew we were such soarkling company!?
More mutual friends have 4 under 4 & will struggle to get childcare at all.

I get that it/s their right not to welcome kids. but AIBU to be pissed off with the bullying attitude re staying all night?

OP posts:
Original poster
cheekyseamonkey · 24/01/2011 17:24

bibbitybobbityhat - will post briefly. Need to feed child. Just lots of we really wanted you to have fun and we don't think you will if you leave early. Cant you just give her a bottle for obe night etc

When i explained 'np' & reiterated that we/d come for the day bit. he stormed out!

OP posts:
supersewer · 24/01/2011 17:32

terms of the wedding are up to them, but how dare they bully you for their choices!!!!!

expatinscotland · 24/01/2011 17:33

completely ned to go round to someone like that and have a go about it, IMO.

Flisspaps · 24/01/2011 17:42

cheekyseamonkey He sounds like a bit of a twat, turning up at your house, whining about how 'you can't possibly have fun if you leave early'.

Is the wedding at the hotel? It might be that they need to have X rooms occupied to get a certain rate and they've not got enough people staying to get the rate, or that they've pre-booked rooms and need to get the money back from guests.

I wouldn't spend a night away from DD in order to attend a wedding either. I actually quite like her company.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 24/01/2011 17:48

YANBU I've no objections to child free weddings but trying to bully you to go for the full day and then throwing a tantrum when you don't is not on.

Tell the groom to go and fuck himself, he's that far up his own arse it shouldn't be a problem.

ENormaSnob · 24/01/2011 17:56

I wouldn't go at all after reading your last post about the groom.

Perhaps mention how oaps tend to spoil you fun so could they not invite grandparents or those over 65. You know, to enhance your super fun time.

QuickLookBusy · 24/01/2011 17:58

Gosh they obviously have no clue what so ever about babies/sleeping/bfing etc.

I would be biting my tongue, as I would want to tell them how you will be reminding them of this when they have a 1 year old.

MadamDeathstare · 24/01/2011 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eglu · 24/01/2011 18:15

YANBU in that you are happy to go to part of it without your DD. They ABU to say you will spoil things. It is your choice whether or not to spend time away from your DD not theirs.

Bogeyface · 24/01/2011 18:16

What he said makes me wonder if they invited say 100 people and 50 of them arent coming because of this.

The bride is probably "in bits" because no one wants to come to her precious day so the groom thinks he is helping! I wouldnt go at all after his outburst. Having a go at you and them storming out when you refuse to dump your baby on any random person willing to have her is not on at all and I would be letting them know that in no uncertain terms!

What has your DH had to say about his outburst?

ENormaSnob · 24/01/2011 18:22

Give me their email or phone number and I will tell them for you.

I can't stand this couple and I've never met them.

fatlazymummy · 24/01/2011 18:23

I agree with bogeyface. I have seen this sort of thing on 4 weddings, where the bride is so set on having a certain sort of wedding then hardly anyone turns up.

JamieLeeCurtis · 24/01/2011 18:26

Aw - I think you should try and turn down the emotional temperature a bit. Leave the gnashing to the bride and groom.

Newgolddream · 24/01/2011 18:27

bupcakesandcunting "Oh god.Not this. Again.

YABU because it's their wedding. It's not about you or you DC."

I dont think you have bothered to read the OP - its not a case of Op expecting to take her child to a child free wedding - as you have assumed but what happened next.

Original poster
cheekyseamonkey · 24/01/2011 18:27

lol! Probably re numbers/discount etc. Except that Bride's daddy is terribly posh (think drunk old man off The fast show) wealthy local businessman who will be paying. Mind you, those types often want a bargain, so perhaps. She will indeed throw a tantrum at some point. Feel a bit bad, although groom has annoyed, he is in fact normally a thoroughly nice chap who happens to be marrying a total and utter 'mare! I feel it is her putting him up to it and it is probably down to a number of refusals. I alluded to this in my previous post, but we are certainly not the only ones in this situation. many of their (our) friends were 'blessed' with unexpected twins as second or third pregnancies, so relatively speaking our childcare issues are nothing!

OP posts:
Lovetheskinurine · 24/01/2011 18:28

Child free weddings are fine if that's what the couple want. They're not really my cup of tea though, I prefer an inclusive celebration with kids running about and sliding all over the dance floor.

I couldn't have fun without my baby if I was in OP's situation. I'd be worried sick about leaving my child for that long and would be counting the minutes until I could go home. Hardly fun. Call me neurotic for that but I don't care.

OP YANBU. Just go to the bits you want to go to and slope off afterwards. They'll probably not notice.

Original poster
cheekyseamonkey · 24/01/2011 18:30

BTW DH laughed and said 'aw, poor 'groom''. He too thinks that 'groom' was put up to it by bridezilla. He'll go on the stag, have a fabulous, no doubt very stoned relaxing time, and perhaps be able to put our side reasonably if it comes up in conversation. Fact is, we won't be staying and that's it. I think the overall feeling is that I'm not being unreasonable. So, good.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 24/01/2011 18:42

YANBU, fair enough if they dont want to have kids at their wedding, but they should therefore be prepared to have people pulling out because because of lack of childcare, and be supportive of that, not making people feel bad about it. To stay overnight at a hotel, Shock. Well some people might not have the luxury of childcare on tap like that and might need to get back for later. They will soon know if they have children themselves.

prettywhiteguitar · 24/01/2011 18:48

YANBU another childless wedding thread, what is wrong with our society that its okay that children aren't invited to weddings anymore ??? And that parents are made to feel like their cildren are worthless to the event

Thoughtless 'teenage-like' adults marrying each other thats what

good god

rant over

MadamDeathstare · 24/01/2011 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 24/01/2011 18:52

'Staying overnight in a hotel with a little baby is such fun. Especially the ones who scream three hours non-stop straight into your ear every evening.'

Oh, yes. We had to stay in one last weekend, for a funeral.

We slept about 4 hours the first night whilst 2-year-old DS screamed his head off.

That was about as fun as an enema.

I can only imagine how fun it would be if you'd also had a bit to drink and had a fuzzy head, it was bad enough sober.

Also, the sitter will need a place to go in the hotel room.

I spent a couple of wonderful evenings in the bathroom, knitting and doing needlework.

pigletmania · 24/01/2011 19:00

The op meant that the couple wanted the op to find childcare so that they can stay for all of the event and overnight at a hotel witout the child, and enjoy being childfree. Well i could not do that, i would miss dd too much, and dd would be constantly on my mind.

Tikkabillajive · 24/01/2011 19:01

Sorry, it was my fault that the 5 month old crept into the conversation - no idea where that came from Blush. However, I still stand by what I said and think it's ridiculous behaviour on their part. Stick to your guns OP and don't let the bridezilla bully you!

WestYorkshirePudding · 24/01/2011 19:03

Child-free weddings are great but I know that isn't what you have a problem with OP.

I'd go back to the groom and say you've decided you'll be there for the whole thing and then just go home when you want (although this might have to be after the meal as they'll have paid for your places)

Let's face it, by then they won't even realise who's there or not by then and you won't be missed.

Bogeyface · 24/01/2011 19:07

WestYorks, I wouldnt do that if only because it will give the B&G ammunition to bully others who arent going either!

"Well Cheekyseamonkey and her DH have changed their arrangements to come to whole thing so why cant you?" etc

I think they should stick to their guns!

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