To be pissed off re wedding invitation?

[cheekyseamonkey]

Some closeish friends invited us to their wedding in April. When they first discussed the wedding, almost a year ago, they talked about how cute our dd, then a few weeks old would look etc.

The invitation arrived and said no children. We were a bit annoyed as the only family we have living locally is DH's already harrassed and put upon mother who often cares for her other gc at weekends as their mum is a nurse. I'm also too lazy unimaginative to get dd to nap/bed other than BF to sleep, so that will be an issue; friends know both these things.

We accepted the invitation but politely explained that we would come to ceremony and meal but not the ceildh, hog roast etc after. I just had the groom round telling me off, that his future Mrs is in bits as she really wants us to just enjoy ourselves and let our hair down, stay over at hotel etc In fact apparently the reason there will be no kids is that they want people to enjoy themselves.

Apparently we will spoil thinhs! Who knew we were such soarkling company!?
More mutual friends have 4 under 4 & will struggle to get childcare at all.

I get that it/s their right not to welcome kids. but AIBU to be pissed off with the bullying attitude re staying all night?

'Hire a babysitter?'

Who are all these people with dosh enough for an overnight babysitter, hotel, frock, gift, etc.?

Cuz they ain't me, that's for sure.

'Hire a babysitter?'

Why?? more costs, baby may not settle with a stranger. It sounds like an awful lot of stress for the OP and her DP.

Why, when you have a small baby should you feel that you HAVE to go out to these sort of events? Especially if you cannot bring said small baby? The bride and groom in this case are NBU to not want children on their special day but they are VVVVVVVU to railroad their friends in this way. They have already said they can come to part of of it (and IMO the most important part, the actual wedding itself). So it is not as if they aren't trying to help their friends celebrate!

I'm sorry but I do think its a bit limp to not go out for an evening because you can't or won't find a babysitter when you have one child who is well over a year old. Especially if it is for a big event for close friends.

But, there.

We had a child free wedding and I now cringe with embarassment at how thoughtless we were.

So when do people think it is reasonable to start going out again for big events? When your child is 3?, 5?, 12?

bibbity it is not for an evening, they want her to stay overnight with them at the hotel.

She wants them to stay overnight at the hotel.

Babysitter to hire for all that would be well beyond the means of a lot of people just for someone's wedding.

YANBU - we have had this, friends thoughtfully excluding children so we can have a good time

Actually not close friends, closeish, ie one partner is a friend of a friend who we got to know and the other is his missus! Can't believe people suggest that the first time I leave my baby overnight it should be with a complete stranger! Don't you have any bond with your kids? Also, just 15 months is not 'well over 1' and at the minute she is just 1 so hard to imagine how I'll feel in 3 months anyway, but I have to assume no different to now.

'So when do people think it is reasonable to start going out again for big events? When your child is 3?, 5?, 12?'
I despise 'going out' other than the occassional ceilidh (quite informal around here) or pub.

Some people just don't give a toss about 'going out' and 'big' events'.

Just send along a nice card and gift and be done with it, OP.

Oh god.Not this. Again.

YABU because it's their wedding. It's not about you or you DC.

"I think some people wouldn't want to leave their children overnight just to attend someone's wedding."

Would you definitely have to stay overnight? I haven't seen where you said how far away the venue is.

How exactly did the groom "tell you off"?

expatinscotland, perhaps we should go out for a wee drink. Think we'd have a lot to chat about, except that I can't be arsed! lol

Sounds good to me! :)

Around here, cheeky, a ceilidh is usually a very informal piss up.

In fact, the DD's school is having one.

On the letter detailing the event, it states that drinks will be available for the adults to buy.

Duh.

A dry ceilidh? Eh?

bupcakes - another person who can't be bothered to read the OP properly I see

Well, obviously the groom has got a sense of the fact that you just can't be arsed and they are hurt and he has come over to have his say. Its not that outrageous, really.

Some people don't want to leave their kids overnight. DD is 5, almost 6 and I've done it once. She's never been with a babysitter and has been left with family (for an evening) a max of 10 times from what I recall, probably less.

Personal choice, and not a decision others might make, but valid in any case.

Pretty outrageous to throw your teddy out the pram because someone's not doing exactly what you want, yeah.

That'd be the end of it for me, actually.

Big ghetto/ned-ish thing to do, IMO.

I personally think that people who expect their guest to stay at a hotel are taking the piss full stop!
We have been invited to a wedding in a few weeks by some very good friends which will involve an overnight stay. They DO have kids and the day do is childfree, So we will have to either go and get our kids then bring them back and pay for us all to stay all night, or have them looked after.
This cost is on top of the gift, the outfits, and lets not forget to discuss the bloody hen and stag do's that we are both expected to go on. hen do in london costing a bomb, an stag do in newcastle, also costing a bomb. My DH will have to book off 2 weekends so that loses us out on overtime. I have worked out that their wedding is going to cost near on a grand to our finances.

YANBU. I've no problem with child free weddings,but if you're hosting one then you don't get to whinge when parents won't or can't go.

Weddings are generally ghastly anyway imho.

YANBU.

If they've made the decision not to invite children they must be prepared to have people not being able/wanting to attend their wedding

yanbu

I'm sure they would like to just erase DCs from everyones minds for the wedding day. But as a parent you can't just do that.

Have a child free wedding by all means. But accept that it might be difficult for some to attend the whole thing plus overnight.

I'd love to hear what groom actually said.

If your guests don't live within driving distance of you then, yes, they probably are going to have to stay in a hotel. Or a B&B.

Re. hen and stag dos and weddings abroad - I completely agree.

Wormshuffler, good point. Stag do in 4 weeks, hubby going. Amsterdam, not cheap, but he's going because groom came to his. Hen do has been arranged and cancelled more times than I can count to the point that I now can't be arsed anyway, so that'll be cheaper.

I really do want to go to the wedding and reception. I even concede that it will be nice to be a couple rather than parents for an afternoon. But it stops there. I was planning on having fun, but then call me weird but I've had immense amounts of fun with my baby around. Mind you I'm not such a simple soul that the only fun I can have involves copious amounts of booze.

As you have your MIL close by, and three months advance notice, would it not be possible for her to have your child for the night?