To be pissed off re wedding invitation?

[cheekyseamonkey]

Some closeish friends invited us to their wedding in April. When they first discussed the wedding, almost a year ago, they talked about how cute our dd, then a few weeks old would look etc.

The invitation arrived and said no children. We were a bit annoyed as the only family we have living locally is DH's already harrassed and put upon mother who often cares for her other gc at weekends as their mum is a nurse. I'm also too lazy unimaginative to get dd to nap/bed other than BF to sleep, so that will be an issue; friends know both these things.

We accepted the invitation but politely explained that we would come to ceremony and meal but not the ceildh, hog roast etc after. I just had the groom round telling me off, that his future Mrs is in bits as she really wants us to just enjoy ourselves and let our hair down, stay over at hotel etc In fact apparently the reason there will be no kids is that they want people to enjoy themselves.

Apparently we will spoil thinhs! Who knew we were such soarkling company!?
More mutual friends have 4 under 4 & will struggle to get childcare at all.

I get that it/s their right not to welcome kids. but AIBU to be pissed off with the bullying attitude re staying all night?

This issue comes up so many times, and I still can't believe that people can't get their head around that other people don't care about their kids as much as they do. Indeed may even see kids in general as a bit of annoyance, especially on what is supposed to be the most memorable day of their lives. And, shock horror, yes they may even prefer that you weren't there than that you turn up with kids in tow.

There should be some autoresponse to these threads

1. Get a babysitter
2. Or don't go
3. Other people don't care about your kids

Another person who hasn't bothered to read the thread.

YANBU - they are perfectly within their rights to not invite children. However, an invite is an invite, not a summons, and if they tell people that their children are not welcome they have to accept that some people will have to decline as a result of not having/being able to afford childcare.

You have found a nice compromise - i.e. you're going to the ceremony AND the breakfast but won't attend the reception. The reception is the least important part of the day (surely that you're attending the ceremony is enough, after all that's the only essential part of the day to make them married!) so it's not going to 'ruin' their wedding if you don't attend.

I would politely explain you will attend the most important part i.e. the ceremony and then the breakfast but that you will be needed at home to care for your DD and won't go to the evening part. If they get arsey again remind them they invited you, not summoned you and that how you parent your child is none of their business.

People have the right to invite whomsoever they want (not not) at their wedding but they don't have any right to dictate how long their guests must attend for. The greater the restrictions, the less likely it will be that everyone can attend for every last moment of the day and this is especially true if "no children" rules are imposed.

Personally I cannot imagine celebrating important events like a wedding without children - any more than I'd send out an invitation that said "no wrinkly old people or anyone else who won't enhance the wedding photos" but I realise that we now live in Bridezilla World where it is more important for every bride to "have UR day hun" regardless of how ridiculously it is planned.

But as I said, above, it is everyone's right to choose who to invite. However, I'm exceedingly bored with the feeble "freedom to let your hair down and enjoy yourselves" attempt to justify the banning of children. Because I know that when my dcs were small, the very last event I'd have chosen to exercise unexpected freedom at would have been a wedding.

I think the OP has been very accommodating given the age of her child and there cannot be any excuse, whatsoever, for the groom to turn up on the doorstep and harangue her! She should not be making complicated or unwelcome arrangements to obey the commands to attend and should politely stick to her guns since she is NBU.

YANBU.

My opinion remains the same as always.
The wedding invitation is nothing to be pissed off with, they are perfectly reasonable to have a child free wedding.
However then getting pissed off when people with young kids can not attend or simply don't want to attend is completely out of line.

small BF babies should be the exception to a child free wedding. they can't expect you to not care for your baby just to be at the wedding.

also why should you be forced to bottle feed?

YANBU - for the reasons already given by others

Yes, but op would have stayed to the evening do if her dd had been invited. Isn't that what she is saying? "The invitation arrived and said no children. We were a bit annoyed ...".

It strikes me that the 'close-ish' friends aren't that 'close-ish' after all. (Or else they are completely thick)
You should do what you want and they should understand - if they don't and your friendship doesn't last you really shouldn't worry.

YANBU - have taken babies to weddings and stayed for the evening when they were invited. You are willing to find a babysitter and go to the wedding just saying you want to leave early. What is wrong with that? Is Grandad expected to stay up dancing until midnight etc?

This is not the normal I am flouncing because its a child-free wedding, just a I'd like to go home early. TBH you might want to go home early because you are exhausted. And its a bit rude to suggest you should be grateful for the chance to get away from your daughter.

bibbitybobbityhat I realise that you are unwilling to give on your firm opinion. Firstly I'd like to say, ok, I get it, you disagree. I can't help but wonder what your agenda is but nevermind.

Secondly I was a bit annoyed because as I clearly stated, the initial conversations about the wedding (and there were several) clearly included children. I even said, 'phew, it'll be difficult to get someone to look after her otherwise'. There were several of these conversations. The 'no kids' element was out of the blue and came after we'd happily agreed to go and discussed the event excitedly. As finding a babysitter for DD even for the 5 or so hours in the day is an arse tbh (I WILL NOT leave her with a stranger for hours on end at this age) and for many totally 'Whole other thread' reasons our very limited family are not readily available. Yes even this far in advance as SIL knows her shift patterns well in advance and her ex is a total c**t. But we've managed to sort that for the day.

Regardless of whether or not she were invited we would have sloped off home before the drunkenarsedness started, given that I don't think it's the right place for a baby.

believe or not, some peoples' idea of letting their hair down or having a good time doesn't include getting drunk at a wedding.

Yep have lost shed fulls of creditability and friends for being unable to drop everything in order to attend various functions due to a lack of childcare and / or willingness to cause myself a lot of hassle for a night out.

Don't ever expect them to understand either.

My parents were paying for wedding, and didnt want me to invite any friends children.

Dad didnt want babies crying in church or children running around causing mayhem at reception.

I just addressed the invite to my friends, and did not mention children. I decided that if friends asked to bring their children along I would agree. This was my compromise to parents. In the end everyone sorted childcare, and nobody asked. I think everyone enjoyed letting their hair down.

Frosty, I think you have taken up where the groom left off - bullying the OP - if she doesn't want to leave her little one, and has no family to look after, and doesn't want to hire a babysitter, why should she, because the groom or you say so! Her issue is not with the no children wedding, but the groom's attitude afterwards.

YANBU

I assumed you would be until I saw how you'd accepted the important bits of the day and politely declined the party. You've respected their wishes, they should respect yours.

YANBU

We've been invited to a close relatives wedding and were informed it was adult only. Fine, their choice. We mentioned politely it's highly unlikely we can attend due to childcare probs. Now we're getting so much pressure to go, inlaws suggesting elaborate (often expensive) plans to make it work, implying that we're being difficult . No, we probably can't come, that's all. Accept it.

My children are much older so there seems to be the assumption that it'll be easy to farm them out. My 10 year is easy to home, he has lots of sleepovers and is easy going. But my 4 year old hasn't been to sleepovers with friends and is very shy. We have no relatives (who aren't going to the wedding) close by to take him.

It's been suggested that we could pay an agency. This would be for 2 days and a night of care!!! Or of course my Mum should travel 300 miles to take care of them both for the weekend. Lots of talk about how we should want a child free night away at a posh hotel. Yes, yes, I would. But to tell you all the truth the next time my Mum comes to look after the kids for the weekend, and I have a few hundred quid to spare, I'd like to go away with my husband somewhere very different.

So thank you very much for the invitation relatives, the venue looks amazing, your plans sound fun. I do honestly hope you have a wonderful day. But it looks like we'll have to decline. I'm not being difficult, I'm not trying to railroad you into letting my kids come. We can't come, that's it.

Children should never attend weddings as it is all too easy - particularly when the parents are pushy types - for the day to become about darling little Timmy and not the couple about to be married.

You're being completely unreasonable.

Children should never attend weddings as it is all too easy - particularly when the parents are pushy types - for the day to become about darling little Timmy and not the couple about to be married.

You're being completely unreasonable.

YANBU - it is indeed their right to choose no children but it is IN NO WAY their right to force you to come to bits you don't want to. It's an invitation, not a bloody court summons!

I would probably have done the same as you to start with but after the bullyboy "you WILL enjoy yourself, you are RUINING our day by refusing to aquiesce to OUR CHOICES" tactic, I'd tell them to stick the whole thing.

No YANBU about the bullying. You're trying to work around the invitation limits and your child's needs. That's fair enough.

YANBU. You obviously have no issue with no children at the wedding at all and accept it is their perogative. You have offered a very fair compromise and they should respect that as much as you respect their 'no child' rule.

YANBU, we are in a similar situation atm.
Been invited to a relatives wedding in April, no children. We would leave 4 out of the 5 DC's at home but DD3 (under a year) is BF and has major food intollerances. Wedding is a good 4hrs drive away so would have to be an overnighter. Was hoping to leave DD with the brides babysitter (nursery nurse) and pop back a few times to feed her.
Babysitter arrangements have changed so we can't go, which means that my mum can't go either as we were driving her up too. She's upset, but really there's nothing we can do. Another relative has a younger baby than ours so they won't be going either.
Shame really, but that's what the bride wants.
Obviously a posh child free venue means more than sharing the day with family.