To be pissed off re wedding invitation?

[cheekyseamonkey]

Some closeish friends invited us to their wedding in April. When they first discussed the wedding, almost a year ago, they talked about how cute our dd, then a few weeks old would look etc.

The invitation arrived and said no children. We were a bit annoyed as the only family we have living locally is DH's already harrassed and put upon mother who often cares for her other gc at weekends as their mum is a nurse. I'm also too lazy unimaginative to get dd to nap/bed other than BF to sleep, so that will be an issue; friends know both these things.

We accepted the invitation but politely explained that we would come to ceremony and meal but not the ceildh, hog roast etc after. I just had the groom round telling me off, that his future Mrs is in bits as she really wants us to just enjoy ourselves and let our hair down, stay over at hotel etc In fact apparently the reason there will be no kids is that they want people to enjoy themselves.

Apparently we will spoil thinhs! Who knew we were such soarkling company!?
More mutual friends have 4 under 4 & will struggle to get childcare at all.

I get that it/s their right not to welcome kids. but AIBU to be pissed off with the bullying attitude re staying all night?

cheekyseamonkey- YANBU- they are entitled to have a child free wedding but as others have wisely said, they have to expect that some parents will have logistical problems with that.

The groom bollocking you because Bridezilla Queen of the World is "in bits" would not make me more excited about attending the wedding. As soon as someone tells me to have fun, I go right off the idea.

The bride needs to learn that wearing a white frock does not make her queen of the world. Orangepoo's earlier post was right- she will be very embarrassed in a few years' time when she has a BF baby who won't sleep without her and a dusty wedding invite on her mantelpiece that she can't accept.

Bibbitybobbity- why should parents leave their kids with expensive "hired" babysitters if they don't want to?

So , you're to come to the entire wedding = massive babysitting cost AND pay to stay overnight at the hotel.

Regardless of IF you can get child care, that is asking for quite a layout of money. Assuming they'll still want a wedding gift too.

Hoping that as another poster said, they have had a lot of people decline parts or the whole of the day and are feeling upset. Might have thought they could talk some of you round.

If you still feel like attempting to go, if your MIL can take the evening, maybe bring her to stay at the hotel overnight so you could settle LO and go back down? Did a similar thing for a friends wedding as my DD would NOT take a bottle either. And no, they will hold out for boob even if hungry. She's gone 8 hrs before refusing the bottle and cried herself hoarse.

Good luck.

YABU. A couple getting married and hosting an event are NOT responsible for my descision to have babies... why should they be?

Does it really have to be such a drama??

They decide on a child-free wedding and invite you.
You say "thanks, that's lovely, but we'll have to leave at X o'clock" (actually, why did you even need to tell them what time you were leaving?)
They say "oh that's such a shame, we really wanted you to stay and party with us"
You say "oh we'd have loved that too, but it's just too tricky to arrange childcare".

There's no big deal - you go, you have a great time, you clear off early.

Runs with scissors- you are right - it is a big outlay for a wedding. However, paying for MIL to stay too after she has been looking after other gc all weekend is not only tiring for MIL but means they are paying for two rooms just to please bridezilla.

cheeky- cut your losses- explain MIL can't babysit and DC won't settle with strangers, you have arranged to come to the bits you can. Doesn't matter if it doesn't fit in with bride's fanatsy of hog roast party being best fun ever for everyone. The groom having a go would really get my back up.

YANBU BUT I am not sure why felt the need to say you would be leaving early. Surely you just accept the invitation and then leave when you have to (as long as you go to ceremony and meal). I can understand the bride feeling a bit sad that you are quite so keen to get away you've said so this far in advance. If on the night you said your DD couldn't get to sleep without a breastfeed and you need to go the bride wouldn't be miffed at all. You could even come back afterwards if MIL is close to venue.

Let's face it before you have kids of your own the practicalities of childcare don't really hit home. So she probably just thinks you're being a bit mean.

FGS, by one year plus (by the maths you child will be about 16m at least by the time the wedding happens) it is a bit much to still be claiming that you cannot be separated from your child. You have 3 months to sport out childcare and sleep / feeding issues, and to give your MIL plenty of warning.

If you can't make it you can't, but to be crying off and blaming the bride and groo withouy even trying is unreasonable.

How far does the world have to go to accommodate people with toddlers?

BF Babes in arms, different matter.

YANBU at all. A wedding invitation is just that - an invitation, not a summons.

You have told the bride and groom that you will be able to attend what should be the most important part of the day, the ceremony, but will be unable to attend the evening entertainment. What the hell is wrong with that? For the groom to come and dictate to you why you should attend and have the temerity to say you can only have fun if you leave your child at home is rude and obnoxious. If I were you I'd just forget about going to any of it.

at people posting on a quite old thread without even having read the OP properly.
What's the point in that?!

They are not being unreasonable saying no children but they shouldn't make you feel bad if you can't make it because they've said no children.
I gave my guests the choice whther they wanted a child free evening are not,, letting them know they would be welcome if they wanted to bring them along but would also understand if they fancied a childfree night.I had kids when I got married though so could emphathise with the stresses of childcare etc.