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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to want to never, ever see my step-daughter again as long as I live?

260 replies

IrisMurdoch · 24/01/2011 16:02

The worst thing is...my dp says he doesn't want kids with me because it would be 'too complicated' eg I've had my two kids so I'm OK and my daughter has also told me not to have any more kids! So instead of having a family of my own, I have to put up with his awful children for the rest of time. Anyone been in a similar plight and found a way through? Thanks so much, Iris. Sorry that I sound like a child-hating cow.

OP posts:
monkeyfacegrace · 24/01/2011 16:03
Hmm
gingermess · 24/01/2011 16:03

If you find his daughters so awful you shouldn't be in a family together.

AlwaysbeOpralFruitstome · 24/01/2011 16:05

You do know your about to get a pasting don't you?

MrSpoc · 24/01/2011 16:05

why you with him?

YeahBut · 24/01/2011 16:05

If you and your DP can't agree on whether or not to have children and you dislike and resent his children, why on earth are you together?
And really, she is his daughter and always will be so no matter how angry you are, YABU.

Ormirian · 24/01/2011 16:05

Well don't put up with them then Hmm Dump him for a childless man.

prettyfly1 · 24/01/2011 16:05

Irish get thee to step parents now - I assure you AIBU is a mistake to be in with this stuff.

ENormaSnob · 24/01/2011 16:06

WTF Confused

been at the lambrini op?

Tortington · 24/01/2011 16:07

erm...why? whats the background

Original poster
IrisMurdoch · 24/01/2011 16:07

We're not in a family together, we don't live together. I love him, not his children.
I find his daughter awful and his son perfectly OK.
Should you split up with someone you love because you don't like their children?

OP posts:
MinnieBar · 24/01/2011 16:08

Can't even understand the post. Could you possibly punctuate it?

EightiesChick · 24/01/2011 16:08

Disagreeing on whether to have kids or not is a deal breaker for many people. From what you've said it sounds like this will be a big challenge and starting again in a different relationship might well be the best thing for all of you. Think about it carefully.

diddl · 24/01/2011 16:08

Good on him for saying it!

Find someone who does want children with you.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 24/01/2011 16:08

Oh, of course YANBU. It's incredibly selfish of the child to have had the bad manners to be born. How very fucking dare she Hmm If you want children and your partner doesn't, get a new partner. And if you hate his 'awful' children, you really do need to be out of their lives.

diddl · 24/01/2011 16:10

"Should you split up with someone you love because you don't like their children?"

If you love him, how can you not love his children?

Lulumaam · 24/01/2011 16:10

how old are your DC and how old are his?

i think it would be a huge mistake to try to blend your families and have more hcildren when can't stand his daughter?

you knew he had hcildren when you met him, so you can hardly expect him to pretend they don't exist now

PhishFoodAddiction · 24/01/2011 16:11

Confused you sound so callous!

The man you love comes with children, they are part of the package, and if you can't accept them both then don't be with him.

You don't have to be best friends with your SD, just try and be polite and respectful and include her.

If you want children with this man, and he doesn't want more children, again you should probably split up. It's a big deal. If you are desperate for your own children, then find a man who can give you them. Don't rely on your boyfriend changing his mind.

Bogeyface · 24/01/2011 16:11

  1. Why dont you like her? It does make a difference on whether YABU or not! A axe weilding maniac for a SD would not be popular anywhere!

  2. If you dont like having step children then why did you get with a man who has his own kids?

  3. Why are you saying that instead of having your own DC you have to put up with them? He wouldnt (or shouldnt) just drop them if you got pg, they would still be in your life if you had 10 babies with him!

  4. Why did you post on AIBU because, assuming you are a regular, you must know that you will get a right pasting?

  5. Why is he still with you if you hate his kids so much and presumably have made no secret of it?

My knee jerk reaction to this is to finish your relationship and give him and his kids a chance to find someone nice!

Ormirian · 24/01/2011 16:11

"Should you split up with someone you love because you don't like their children?"

Well what is the other alternative? He isn't going to stop seeing or loving them, so either you put up with them, learn to like them or leave him.

MrSpoc · 24/01/2011 16:12

Sorry but you should not be together. You need to accept his children. If you want your own kids and he does not want anymore, then find someone who does.

mathanxiety · 24/01/2011 16:13

If they're a package, YES. There's no way around it imo.

And if you want children of your own and he doesn't want any more, then he is still very much seeing himself in his old family situation and has not mentally become part of You And Him with a future together. Do not stay with him in hopes of changing his mind some day, while your biological clock is ticking.

Wishing he was different, wishing his DCs away, wishing he would change his mind and wanting something fundamental that he does not want are very corrosive to a relationship.

He is not available to you as a family man prospect because he is still completely immersed in his first family.

redrollers · 24/01/2011 16:13

has the step-daughter done something particularly horrible?

suzikettles · 24/01/2011 16:14

"Should you split up with someone you love because you don't like their children?"

If it's so bad that you never, ever want to see her again as long as you live, then yes, I think you probably should split up with him. Easier all round.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 24/01/2011 16:14

'Should you split up with someone you love because you don't like their children?'

Err yes, because parents should put their children FIRST! They don't have a choice in who is their father - but you have a choice about what man you want to be with.

Does your DP know how you feel about his kids? If he does I am surprised he hasn't given you your walking papers already!

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 24/01/2011 16:14

Digs out barbecue and marshmallows, a light toasting should suffice

Heats pan for popcorn