Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you let you DC go to tea at a friends house who was on the child protection register?

292 replies

Fruitina · 18/01/2011 20:17

I am really struggling over this.

DS is 9 and has a friend of the same age. The friend is often round at our house playing with DS. He is a lovely boy and I have no problem with the friendship at all.

The friend has now invited DS to go to his house for tea on Thursday and DS really wants to go.

The problem I have is that the friend is on the Child protection register and there is a lot of SS involvement due to issues of neglect.

So do I let DS go? I am really worried about it but don't want to hurt the friends feelings because he really a lovely child.

OP posts:
Secretwishescometrue · 18/01/2011 22:54

Blush that should say bring them to the cinema or for a burger Blush

Secretwishescometrue · 18/01/2011 22:55

Blush that should say bring them to the cinema or for a burger Blush

Morloth · 18/01/2011 22:59

Abuse of information to talk about it on the internet perhaps but not to use that information to decide that you will not be sending your kid to their home.

WhyHavePets · 18/01/2011 23:02

Can I jsut add, to all of you who are saying that SS do not get involved for no reason - you are quite right, however SS can stay involved for a very long time after the reasons have been straightened out so, for example a drug user, would have to be clean for a very long time before a child is no longer felt to be at risk, they would be subjected to blood testing and interviews and assessments and so on before a child is removed from the at risk category - and even then SS don't just melt away. Basically this child could well have had parents who were drug free for a couple of years and still be labeled "at risk". The mother could be doing everything in her power to give this child a normal life - for all any of you know that is!

McHobbes · 18/01/2011 23:03

Indeed WHP. Indeed.

findingthepath · 18/01/2011 23:05

This thread has made me very sad. How can you jedge people you dont even know?

I would of thout that for the child to still be living there that SS are helping the user to come clean or that he is clean and they are checking he is. It could even be one event that no longer pose a risk.

Why would you treat this playdate as any other. Check with the mum that your son is invite and drop him off, the same as any other.

I would do this no matter the family situation. You have to check that they house is safe before youallow your child to go.

I also agree with wannaby you are using confidential information to your own advantage as you said the boy is clean, clothed and nice. There is no sign of neglect on him so how do you know the mum does not keep the house clean, her child clean, feed and looked after and it is just the boyfriend recovering?

I also think you are saying that all children on the at risk list should not have playdates,which just sucks big time of ignorance and judgement.

I didn't relise there were so meny stuck up judgemental people on here Sad

Original poster
Fruitina · 18/01/2011 23:05

How is it abuse of information?

OP posts:
tomhardyismydh · 18/01/2011 23:07

I think we've already established that tomhardy, if you'd read the other posts before replying

urmmm sorry but established what exactly?

sorry did I steal your lime light there jez Confused

BoobyMcLeaky · 18/01/2011 23:11

FTP - I've been to houses where there is ss involvement and the children haven't been removed. I wouldn't let my cat in some of them, let alone my child.

I would be quite happy, as a lot of other posters have said, to have the child over. But there is no way I would let my DD there without checking it out thoroughly myself first. I'd rather be stuck up and judgey and have a safe DD at the end of the day.

Original poster
Fruitina · 18/01/2011 23:12

Where did I say there was no sign of neglect? I said he is a lovely boy but there are signs, what do you want a bloody list?

OP posts:
McHobbes · 18/01/2011 23:12

Findingthepath - I agree with you.

It must be lovely to live in a self satisfied bubble where everything is black and white. For them.

Personally I'm glad I don't.

findingthepath · 18/01/2011 23:13

It is abuse because you do not know all the information and you have had no contact with the boys family yet you are using a snapshot to make accutations and post them on an internet fourm.

Original poster
Fruitina · 18/01/2011 23:13

What accusations have I made?

OP posts:
findingthepath · 18/01/2011 23:16

This is my point - You do not know if the home is tidy or not.

Are you saying that all children on the at risk plan live in homes not fit for animals or just ttheones you personaly know?

altinkum · 18/01/2011 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jezebelle · 18/01/2011 23:17

tomhardy, no not my lime light, you just repeated what many others said Hmm

CaptainNancy · 18/01/2011 23:20

altinkum- OP said she changed all the details- what breach of data protection is this? (genuine question)

Original poster
Fruitina · 18/01/2011 23:22

Get sacked for what? I have changed all the details.

Findingmypath. I think you will find it was other posters who said that the childs house might be in a state, not me!! I was just expressing concern at putting my child in the care of somebody whos onw child is "at risk"

FFS I am actually trying to help this child and I am getting stick for it. And fwiw I could reel of a very long list of things I have witnessed directly that are signs of neglect

OP posts:
BoobyMcLeaky · 18/01/2011 23:23

I said 'there is no way I would let my DD there without checking it out thoroughly myself first'. e.g. I would want to meet the mother and probably go with my DD to the house the first time to make sure I was happy that she would be safe.

I also said that 'I wouldn't let my cat in some of them'.

Believe me, tidiness is the least of the problems Sad

findingthepath · 18/01/2011 23:23

there is a lot of SS involvement due to issues of neglect.

How do you know this? Do you read SS reports or check how often the visit?

issues arise from the fact that mums boyfriend is a drug user

Which one is it neglect or drugs? I do not know how a school would have this information!

I don't know what drug but I know boyfriends wife is in prison for drug related offences.

So she is not present at the house your child or in fact this child lives at, so how do you know its drugs?

tomhardyismydh · 18/01/2011 23:24

tomhardy, no not my lime light, you just repeated what many others said

so I was purely backing up what they said, if you looks alot of the posts where with in a few mins of each other so shoot me if I missed one or 2.

I think you are just being a twat as you came on here all hollier than now spouting off your SW shite and was upset that either people have thier own experinces which did not make you look the all knowing.

you have been very agressive on this thread FWIW.

Morloth · 18/01/2011 23:26

I don't mind being thought of as snobby and judgemental over this.

It is sad for the little boy, but that sadness is his parent's doing not mine.

I don't knowingly put my DSs into unnecessary danger.

There is a problem in this home that the OP knows about, it shouldn't be put on her DS to normalise this little boy's life, his parents are responsible for that.

Original poster
Fruitina · 18/01/2011 23:27

The child is crawling with headlice, I have seen them just from glancing at his hair.

His clothes don't fit him and are always dirty.

He is always starving when he is at my house, he once got through a whole loaf of toast.

I have seen him walking to school eating a plain slice of bread

He told me once that he had to go out and play in the garden when it was dark because xxxx was pulling mummys hair

I could go on and on, But what do you think??? nice stable home or neglect??

OP posts:
BoobyMcLeaky · 18/01/2011 23:28

Fruitina - there is no way my DD would be going there. It is so sad for the little boy though Sad

findingthepath · 18/01/2011 23:29

Also the family could have aske ss for help with getting the boyfriend clean.

There are load of threads on here where highly paid people take drugs and have children in the house the same as acholh [sp? sorry i'm dyslexic] but you would think it ok for them to have playdates? How would you even know?

Its all very judgemental - next time the boy is at your take him home and find out for yourself but dont judge until you have all the information.

Swipe left for the next trending thread