Would you let you DC go to tea at a friends house who was on the child protection register?

[Fruitina]

I am really struggling over this.

DS is 9 and has a friend of the same age. The friend is often round at our house playing with DS. He is a lovely boy and I have no problem with the friendship at all.

The friend has now invited DS to go to his house for tea on Thursday and DS really wants to go.

The problem I have is that the friend is on the Child protection register and there is a lot of SS involvement due to issues of neglect.

So do I let DS go? I am really worried about it but don't want to hurt the friends feelings because he really a lovely child.

Yes I did - mind you, I probably would have thrown them away regardless of who purchased them as I am very particular about my chocolate and find those little tree decoration chocolates inedible. I never threw away the rest of the package - just the edible things. I do throw food away fairly regularly; nothing unusual in that surely?

I regularly shop at Poundland - I don't consider it an indicator of anything in particular that I would mention it within my OP. Maybe because I don't have the massive class complex that others may

Thanks Tom, I thought it would be like that.

In that case OP yabvu for mentioning it on here and asking for people's opinions.
I think Bucharest was spot on with here 08:30:07 post.

Oh well, my turn for a MN bashing I suppose. I don't agree that I should keep, eat or possibly preserve and frame it just because it came from a family with problems - they neither know nor care what I did with it. We gave them a lovely present back - they may well have binned that - so what?

all the teachers at my girls school know they are on the register

they all have to know so they can keep an eye on the children

MrsBaldwin
'BUt I would like to know what we can all do to help neglected children in our own communities, like the one mentioned on this thread. Not abstract neglected children helped by abstract social workers or charities, but real ones, who our own children come into contact with.'

Help their mothers, if possible. Ensure that social services know. Other than that I really don't know.

Excellent, practical, non-judgemental suggesions from Coldtitz and Toughasoldboots.

I have done exactly as Toughas suggested in a very similar situation, even down to the nit lotion.

Encouraged Allowed DS and his friend to get absolutely filthy playing down the brook. Phoned mum and asked if he could have a mid-week sleepover (she nearly bit my arm off with joy ). De-nitted friend in bath. Laundered his uniform, (which was filthy and in rags) and took him to school in DS's outgrown uniform the next day, including a pair of shoes he'd only worn twice. The child wasn't even wearing socks when he came round to us. Turned up at school pick-up time with old unform in bag for mum and was HUGELY apologetic about allowing him to get messy and wrecking his clothes. Insisted she keep DS's outgrown uniform to make up for it.

I wasn't able to give the mum much practical assostance. All the agencies were involved in this case. But I did what I could by offering her occasional childcare and giving her DS a break from their awful home situation (DV and father with MH and drug abuse problems) once in a while. The wee lad eventually went into care a few months later and moved schools, so I lost touch with the family.

That was incredibly kind, Mrs Flittersnoop.

I honestly believe most mums would do the same. It was a spontaneous playdate - DS asked if his mate could come back for tea. This child normally went home by himself, aged 8. Rang mum who was fine with it (we were acquainted via the school gate).

DS has Aspergers and had very few friends at school, and he took a real shine to this boy, who was also unpopular. He was such a lovely child, living in a very difficult situation.

Not in a million years.. I'd bring them both to a playzone or continue to ask him to your house. But no way would I let my child go to the house.

^^ apologies- just read the first page, didn't see the following 11!

My friend's parents ended up fostering me after a similar play situation to yours, MrsF. :)

I was in this situation myself as a child in various ways. My mother became friends with a troubled family who had SS involvement and we ( me and my siblings) would go around there for tea without my mother being present. My parents also fostered a boy who had a very troubled background and he lived with us for a number of years.

I think it was of benefit to them and of benefit to me. I am more capable of relating to a wider number of people because of my experiences as a child and feel the problems of the world are less overwhelming because I feel we can all make a difference in small ways. I always feel uncomfortable that the world is somehow a harsher place if a group of people become the 'other,' especially if it because of factors outside of their control like who their parents are. Sorry if I sound sanctimonious.

The key factor was probably that my parents both worked with children with emotional and behavioural problems, so were experienced at judging situations. I think that is the key factor with the OP. It is really about how confident the OP feels in her judgements and the capability of her child at this point in the child's life.

Let him go for tea. If your are worried, give him a phone to call if he wants to come home early. When you drop him off, go inside and chat with the mum for a few minutes, to see if it seems cool or not. Arrive a bit early to pick him up even.

My mother was the third youngest of 12 children. Her mother died when she was a child and she and her 2 younger siblings were totally neglected. She told me they were filthy, and had lice and nobody was allowed to go to their home or play with them. Her sister gave her a birthday party and nobody came. My mother has remembered this her entire life and to this day she has low self esteem and is terrified of drunks. (her dad drank).

What a lovely thing MrsFlittersnoop, I'm glad there are people like you around.

Got to page 16 and could not believe the ignorance and stigmatising on here.
No wonder people who desperately need the support of SS refuse to accept help when it's obvious that people are going to make assumptions and ridiculous statements like I have read on here.
I have never ever read such a load of bunkum in all my life. MN tries to be the voice of mums....FFS What a joke!!!
To the opening poster , All you need to do is go with your child to the house, introduce yourself to the mum properly and make your own mind up regarding if it is an environment you want your child to be in. Surely mums do this REGARDLESS of gossip and hearsay . MAKE YOUR OWN MIND UP, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY,
Bloody hell I have seen and heard of more abuse in "nice" households in my line of work than in any lower income families.
Trouble is higher income "nice"families can pay lawyers and judges to keep names out of papers and SS away from doors

This thread has turned into a bloody farce , An eye opening one in that now it can truly be seen that MN has so many anal uptight mums that need the help of all services to stop them raising a generation of disturbed and unsociable bigoted adults.

Hobbes bless you for being a voice of reason in this ridiculous display of forum lynching