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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you let you DC go to tea at a friends house who was on the child protection register?

292 replies

Fruitina · 18/01/2011 20:17

I am really struggling over this.

DS is 9 and has a friend of the same age. The friend is often round at our house playing with DS. He is a lovely boy and I have no problem with the friendship at all.

The friend has now invited DS to go to his house for tea on Thursday and DS really wants to go.

The problem I have is that the friend is on the Child protection register and there is a lot of SS involvement due to issues of neglect.

So do I let DS go? I am really worried about it but don't want to hurt the friends feelings because he really a lovely child.

OP posts:
MumNWLondon · 18/01/2011 20:37

Hard one, but your child is 9 (ie quite big), and its only tea, so I would probably let him go, for maybe an hour and a half.

Rhinestone · 18/01/2011 20:37

I woudn't, sorry. It's not your DS's job to create normality in the other boy's life.

Keep encouraging the friendship etc etc but on your turf.

unhappyshopper · 18/01/2011 20:38

No, I wouldnt.

Especially if there is a possibility that some drugged up waste of space is there, or there is the possibility of drug paraphanalia lying around.

Not a chance in hell. You dont know who is likely to be round that house.

Nanny0gg · 18/01/2011 20:39

Nope.
Have him round to yours.
But if he doesn't come to school with mum, you'll have to double-check he's cleared it with her.

Smithagain · 18/01/2011 20:42

Just seen that boyfriend may be there and you don't see the mum much. In that case, no. Make another arrangement to take her son out on neutral ground.

LaWeaselMys · 18/01/2011 20:44

Yes, changed my mind too. If he lives there, no.

Ring and arrange to have him round at yours. Maybe you could invite her for tea too? Sounds like she could do with some support.

Original poster
Fruitina · 18/01/2011 20:44

Right decision made. I am going to invite the friend here instead. Thank for all the imput, it has been really helpful.

OP posts:
MegBusset · 18/01/2011 20:46

I've changed my mind too - would not let my child into a house where a junkie lived. They tend to keep company with some pretty unpleasant people. Have the friend round to yours instead. Poor boy :(

QueenGigantaurofMnet · 18/01/2011 20:48

The drug will be Heroin. A child wouldn't be on the register for anything else tbh.

For that reaso alone i would say no. purely because if you haven't seen teh house already there is no way of knowing if the house is safe (ie no needles etc strewn around)

inviting to your house and then taking the little boy home would be my advice. that way when you return him you can have a breif nosey around teh house.

if it is clean and tidy then you will feel more comfortable about any future invites.

Strictly · 18/01/2011 20:55

Not in a million years. Sorry but my child is my priority.

macdoodle · 18/01/2011 20:56

Nope no way on this planet, you must be mad to even consider it. do you really want your child at a highly impressionable age be in close unsupervised contact with a drug user. In a household that is felt to be at risk to another child ?

Original poster
Fruitina · 18/01/2011 20:56

Yes I think I will take the friend home, give me chance to weigh things up for any future invites. You know they must be doing something right because the boy is so lovely and polite. Sits in ds's room playing with Lego and is never any trouble

OP posts:
Original poster
Fruitina · 18/01/2011 20:59

Maybe I am mad to consider it but if you saw this boy, his little face all excited because he was asking ds for tea! Sad

OP posts:
ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 18/01/2011 21:05

Poor kid Sad

nameymacnamechanger · 18/01/2011 21:05

It sounds like his friendship with your DS is really important to him and it's great he can come to yours and play but I do think you need to decline the invite for your DS to go there.

jezebelle · 18/01/2011 21:07

Queeng how presumptuous are you !!!! And talking a load of rubbish !!!!
That is absolute bollocks that a child wouldn't be on a PLAN for any other drug !!!

Frutina- only you can make the decision, which is hard if you don't know the facts, so maybe him coming to you is easier xx

Harecare · 18/01/2011 21:09

No. Not unless I knew the Mum and boyfriend and trusted them. On paper they don't look good, let him come to yours and think of an amazing unbreakable excuse why he can't go there.

ENormaSnob · 18/01/2011 21:15

No I wouldn't

I would invite the other child to ours though

QueenGigantaurofMnet · 18/01/2011 21:15

jezebelle - i am a social worker so not presumptuos at all actually.
It is highly unlikely that drug use other than heroin would mean the child would be on the register.

there are a great number of reasons but i can't be bothered educating you with them

jezebelle · 18/01/2011 21:19

So am i,In a safeguarding team, so get off ya high horse !!!
Plenty of drugs other than heroin could be an issue, even prescription drugs if abused. Can't be bothered to discuss with such a pretentious ignorant person such as yourself !!!

QueenGigantaurofMnet · 18/01/2011 21:20

alright love.

if you could leave the ! alone now, or until you learn to use it properly.

jezebelle · 18/01/2011 21:21

Maybe you should update your knowledge if you think children should only be subject to PLANS because of heroin use, oh and while on the subject why did you say REGISTER when it should be PLAN ???

jezebelle · 18/01/2011 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

itsohsoquiet · 18/01/2011 21:23

I can't believe so many people have said that they would allow their DC to go Confused
ss dont get involved for no reason and op doesn't even say how well she knows the boys family (or not)
I would have deep concerns even if there are no allegations of abuse, neglect is very serious in itself.
How do you know your DC would be safe?

QueenGigantaurofMnet · 18/01/2011 21:27

because i am on a layman forum where i use the terms the majority would follow.

I am fully aware of the reasons a child could/would/should but given the small details the op has i would suggest that it is far more likely that it would be heroin than a painkiller addiction.

but i have better things to do with my time than argue over semantics with you.