To ask my 14 and 12 year old sons to help with the household chores?

[BevMidge]

It seems to me that most kids these days dont feel they should help out at home. Am I the only mum who feels guilty for putting my foot down? I have taken away their x boxes and other tech stuff to try to get them to understand. The way they leave their rooms is really not for here but I can say it is really minging !!!

'To this day DP knows never to praise anything I cook as I take offence. I consider that he is emphasising traditional feminine values that I don't hold with. See, I told you, bit mad.' It really is mad because in devaluing your work in the house, you devalue 'women's work' generally. All work, including that mostly done by women, is worthy of the utmost respect.

They should help out, my 16 year old started doing the ironing 2 years ago as she wanted a job but was too young to work, so we paid her to do that. We have never had to nag her to do it as no ironing means no money. my 6 year old clears the table and wipes it any my 3 year old tries to help in her own way, but she is learning by seeing her older siblings helping out. It does make them understanfd that everyone has to pull their weight, and they should continue into their lives. my 16 year old at one point had 3 jobs and is now searching for another one, I believe that as she has earned he money from us, she realises that the more she works the more she can earn. She tells me of her friends who just put their hands out to their parents for cash, and it gets handed over. these parents are now saying no and telling their kids to get a job, and the kids just lay in bed at weekends because they cannot be bothered. You are doing them no favours by not getting them to help out and expecting something from them, because in then real world you don't get something for nothing. X

theres nothing wrong with that i used to do chores around the house when i was 15yrs old didnt do me any harm.smile

The earlier they start, the better! I'm a student like LDNmummy and recently, one of my flatmates asked me to put a lightbulb in for them.

This person also has prepared food sent with them from home (another continent). They don't cook at all...

Do your kids a favour and teach them how to look after themselves! Basic cleaning and cooking is so very important...

DS (2 yo) helps with the washing up. Well OK, it's more playing with bubbles while I wash up but he thinks it's really exciting. I'm hoping to keep this going until he is actually capable of washing up.

Oh and he likes sweeping, but I put that down to a future career in curling. (He's Scottish, it's in his genes ).

Back to the OP. No, they don't get it. Not sure what you do, but they need training! I don't think taking away their stuff will make them understand. Do you give them any kind of pocket money? Perhaps they should be earning it through doing chores?

My kids r 5 yr old boy and 2 yr old girl and they both pitch in. My lil boy helps in the mornings like getting all the shoes out from unstairs ready and taking lil sis stuff downstairs etc
And 2 yr old girl loves helping to load the washing machine or putting things in the bin.
The other day i gave them a duster each and they enjoyed going round the skirting boards, making it playful.

My DS has been taught how to iron a shirt and can do it - very slowly. He can also make an omolette, do pasta and sauce, put a pizza in the oven, cheese on toast, make brownies, etc., ie the basics. He - now - has his own laundry basket and is using it. He has to put his own laundry away. DD can do similar - they are 16 and 12.

They both also leave the house at 8am. DD get home at 4.20 and has an hour of homework every day and singing practice twice a week. She is a chorister and sings every Sunday, starting at 8am. DS gets home at about 5 - two evenings at about 7 if he has sports matches/practices and has played a match almost every Saturday for school since September and every Sunday for a club. He has 3 GCSE's already (A*), and will take 10 more this summer.

I think the DC work bloody hard, and juggle a huge amount. I don't expect them to do more than keep the place tidy, set the table occasionally, help bring in the shopping and organise their own kit.

They live in a very orderly home just as I did. I didn't have to do more than keep my things and the rest of the house tidy before I left home at 18. I left able to or ready to learn to iron, cook, sew, clean and earn my own money. I can do all of those things because my mother was a good role model and ensured I knew they had to be done. At the same time I was allowed a childhood and to respect the property of my family.

All of my kids pitch in. They all know how to use the washing machine, dishwasher etc and I expect them to. My eldest lad is 18 and the triplets are nearly 12. I expect them all to cook occasionally, all to put their own clothes away, all to iron occasionally, all to hoover, dust, clean. We are a team in our household and we all make a mess, therefore we're all responsible for clearing it up. It does kids absolutely no harm at all to help out and they can still have a good childhood whilst doing this.

Agree absolutely it's important for children to learn the basics of looking after themselves, and start as early as you can. My DS is 6 and already has (not too taxing) chores - clearing away his plate after dinner, putting dirty laundry in the basket, rubbish in the bin, tidying away toys etc.

Anyone who thinks kids shouldn't be doing this stuff is making a rod for their own backs..and their childrens. How embarrassing for an adult not being able to look after themselves on a basic level - it also makes them overly dependent on others.

My dds were the laziest slobbiest teenagers in the world ...now they both have their own homes and their houses are much tidier than mine

dd (6) has no specific chores but I do expect her to take dishes through, tidy her toys etc. She changes the loo roll without asking which is more than dh does! She enjoys dusting and helping so enjoying whilst I can - once she's a teenager i imagine she'll be less willing!

Another one who thinks chores are to be introduced as early as possible.

I have 3 children, ages 6,5 and 3.

5 and 6yr olds - Make beds, washing in laundry basket, puts all of their own clothes away, dusts and both ask to hoover (let them have a go, but always do it again properly!) Both also clears their own plates and leaves them on the worktop.

DS is just 3yrs old, he too puts all his clothes in the washing basket, will help sort darks from lights, put clothes into the washing machine, he clears his plate, helps load and unload the dishwasher and carries his clothes upstairs to be put away by us.

All 3 of them tidy their toys away in their rooms daily, and 3yr old will ATTEMPT to make his bed.

I didnt actually realise how much they do until I wrote it down, but Im proud of them, and none of them do it for a reward. I have stated weekly, if not more often to my kids, that we are a family and families help each other get the jobs done! If one of them kicks off about chores (usually 6yr old) we just ask her if she would like us to stop cooking her meals or washing her clothes or taking her to school each day! She soon changes her tune!

No YANBU they should most definitely help out.

My 14 yr old twins are both capable of ironing their own laundry, cooking a meal for the family, and generally helping out with chores as and when they arise. Infact in the week running up to Christmas they were at home DH and I were having to work, one did ALL the laundry ( washing, drying, ironing and put away) while the other cleaned the bathrooms, lounge and hallway and they weren't asked they simply realise that families pull together and that's what needed to be done so we could all relax and enjoy Christmas.

They have been expected to contribute with chores from an early age. Youngest ds has been able to set the table for mealtimes from 3 yrs, help clear up afterwards, tidied his toys away before bedtime and now aged 5 LOVES to take the recycling out, put his own laundry away etc etc.

They don't get paid for doing these things but they get treats that they enjoy/choose - trips to the cinema, take away at weekends, beauty treatments for dd etc and know that it's appreciated.

My siblings and I were all brought up to be able to care for ourselves and DH is THE best ironer I have ever seen We want our children to be the same and I want any future daughters in law to appreciate that our boys were taught well

my dd 5 and ds 3 wake up in morning and make own bed. come back from school take uniform off and fold clean clothes and put dirty clothes in laundry hamper they have in their rooms. they are allowed to take all their toys out of toy box and play to hearts content but they know they have to tidy up afterwards to the point where we count all the pieces to the jigsaw puzzles etc to make sure we have cleared everything away. Ive tried to encourage them to take plates in to kitchen after they have eaten but they tend to drop them en route. but basically I need them to learn early that I need them to help. oh and at this age kids love hoovering so that cant be bad.

I was expected as a child to keep my bedroom tidy, but I must admit that as a child I really wasnt interested, i remember my mum telling me as a teenager to go and tidy it up once a week as she used to tell me it looked like a bomb had hit it. It was just clothes and paper which I had been been writing on that always got in a muddle. She used to give me a black sack and tell me to put any rubbish in it and that if anything was left on the floor it would be thrown away by her the next day. i did get me moving a bit fast I can tell you. I was not expected to do anything else but as I got to about 11 years old I offered to help out a bit off of my own back. My daughter was taught from a young age to put her own toys away. once a teenager, given her ironed clothes and asked to put them away. Asked to put the recycle box out every week.makes he own bed, changes her bed covers, either washed up or dries up the dishes every other night after tea. is responsible for her own bedroom which often looks like a muddle.but I think thats normal for a teenager. i don't think its wrong to get kids to do some chores which benefits them in learning how to care of themselves later in life but I do disagree with expecting them to take over jobs that are your responsibilty when they are young.
our teenage local community website: www.brenzettyouth.webs.com

"DS (2 yo) helps with the washing up. Well OK, it's more playing with bubbles while I wash up grin but he thinks it's really exciting. I'm hoping to keep this going until he is actually capable of washing up."

My DD, also 2, is exactly the same. A sink full of bubbles and a few plastic plates and she'll be happy for ages- and so proud of herself for 'helping'.

I get her involved in as much as I can- loading the washing machine, general tidying up, 'helping' to make the beds. She loves it. I keep wondering at what age she'll start to consider it a job rather than a fun game.

My DS age 3yrs 4 months helps to dry dishes and he puts away he doesn't always dry but often puts away! The more he wants to do the more I encourage!

My sister claims to make the kids do things but she gives her DS a pile of ironed clothes (he is fast approaching 13) and he stuffs them "somewhere" out of the way til she finds them all creased up and goes ballistic.........then irons them again If he were mine, (and he was lucky enough to have them ironed by me ) he would be wearing creased clothes!

My 18 year old ds is quite happy to wear creased clothes

yeah well in my opinion, my nephew should be too

DS 10y and DD 7 are expected to tidy up after themselves and also pitch in ad hoc if I ask nicely! Toddler DS also tries to help but with mixed results.

Basic requirements are that they put towels back on radiators, sort out their light/dark laundry, replace toilet roll, scrape their dinner plates and put them in sink, shoes in the cupboard SHOES IN THE CUPBOARD NOW! etc etc.
They put their clean washing away if I've left it on their beds, but sometimes I have just done it anyway.
I also grab one of them to help lay the table or clear away most mealtimes and everyone pitches in for the rare 'big tidy up'.
As long as their rooms are clean and have some visible floorspace I don't mind how much bright plastic stuff accumulates, though they have to tidy it up when I hoover (not often enough to be a 'chore' for them!)
We do occasionally offer payment for extras e.g. cleaning the car, but the routine jobs are just part and parcel of living in a family home, surely?

My DS and DD are 12 & 10. They put dirty washing in utility rm, set & clear the table at meal times, attempt to make their beds! And open blinds/curtains. Wash up & Hoover occasionally. Empty dishwasher. Take dog for walk....these are very simple, easy things and should do more.

My DS is 5 and he has chores. He has to set the table for tea, clear everyones plates etc away. He also has to tidy his toys away each day and keep his room tidy. By the time he is a teenager I wil ensure he is ironing most of his own clothes and he can shop and cook some basic meals.

I am adamant that I am not going to cause any probelms for him or future wife/girlfriend. If and when he leaves home he will be able to cook, clean and iron and he wil be brought up to understand that all these things are joint jobs and not 'womens work'.

Most of the blokes I meet or have met have had terrible Mothers who have done everything for them. YOU are not doing your sons any favours by doing this.