To ask my 14 and 12 year old sons to help with the household chores?

[BevMidge]

It seems to me that most kids these days dont feel they should help out at home. Am I the only mum who feels guilty for putting my foot down? I have taken away their x boxes and other tech stuff to try to get them to understand. The way they leave their rooms is really not for here but I can say it is really minging !!!

My friend had a lot of success with her similar-aged boys (having never expected them to do anything before) by making them "earn" time on the Xbox. The boys love it! They feel more nurtured somehow, more involved in family life. It's been a win-win for them all.

We all share jobs in this house ..no one has chores as such

I don't worry about messy bedrooms though

My 3 and 5 year old are now asked to put their plates etc in the dishwasher when they have finished their meals. They are also expected to pitch in with toy tidying up etc. am determined to train them from an early age!

(disclaimer, house still totally chaotic, am not a control freak, but do NOT want to end up doing it all and becoming bitter ranty mother.....)

My lot don't have set chores but the mantra here is "we are a team so help if you are able" I find that way they do more than the minimum without any bad feeling and I am always pleasantly surprised to return to a clean and tidy home if I go out and leave a bit of mess

I think it sounds perfectly reasonable.

I am years behind you, but at aged 4 & 2, I expect:

1. DS (4) and DD (2) to help clean up toys before bedtime or end of playdate.

1. DS (4) to help carry in shopping from the car .... usually the cereal boxes or something else light.

1. Both to help if we are doing a group (family) chore, like weeding the garden, or tidying the living room.

Why don't people think kids should help with the laundry. I would be a bit cautious on what age to start ironing at. (NB Years ago, one of my sisters' friends age 15 wasn't allowed to iron at home, and so used to iron all the bits for my Mum whenever she came to visit ... she thought it was a great treat.) But laundry should definitely be helped with.

My 13 yo has just cooked dinner for herself iand younger siblings.

She has to put laundrty away, make the sandwiches for their packed lunches, clean out the rabbits and occasionally hoovers up.

She does not complain either, because she has always been encouraged to help around the house, as are the little ones now.

I can pack her off to uni safe in the knowledge that she can feed herself properly and keep a clean, healthy environment.

As a mum it is my jib and responsibility to raise my kids to be self sufficient and independent.

Yanbu to ask...however, if they are anything like my lot at around the ages you mention, getting them to do it might be a bit tricky.

i must admit i have become more lapse about this. My new years resolution was to stay calm and i have let it go.

My teenagers have messy rooms but i will not clean them as i am so sick of nagging, they will strip their beds.

they do a bit of washing up after a meal.

I have given up because i seem to be the only one who cares. The dd's used to clean shower room as they used it but i seem to do this as well.

i do work part time so i have a bit more time than when i worked every day.

i cannot bear the 'what is xx doing' 'why am i doing this' 'no one else has to help or do anything'.

my son occasionally hoovers up but my yd's room is an absolute tip and i won't go in there.

Perhaps i am a mug but i can't stand the constant battles and at least it will get done if i do it.

the trick is a family meeting and negotiation.

all sit at the dinner table and then say " right we all have chores, so suggest which ones you want to do and lets discuss it"

that has worked for me.

also - when its agreed for fucks sake write it up and stick it on a wall or fridge or something becuase somehow either teenagers minds truly believe you're as thick as a donkeys dick, or they truly delude themselves that they only suggesting washing one sock

oh and i don't stress about their rooms...usually - i let it get to a dispicable state of disgustingness and then insist on a clean - like the poster who commented before me, i cant be arsed to shout all the time nag nag nag nag.

I have boys the same age and they have been doing basic chores since they were little. It's much easier when they are around 6 or 7 as they are so keen to please at that stage.

I find though that as they get older they get more untidy and their repertoire of chores does not grow much. They both know how to clean the toilets, iron etc. but I don't often make them do it.

It's partly because when I was 14 I had to do too much IMO. I had to hoover, get tea ready every day and do all my own laundry etc. All because both my parents were at work.

I am lucky enough not to work full time and I have far more free time than the children so tend to do most of it.

Growing up the bulk of the housework fell to me and my brother inc babysitting of younger siblings. I used to have to squeeze homework in early mornings or at lunch.

I dont want anything like that for DS, he'll be expected to keep his room tidy but thats about it. Children should be allowed to be children as they only get one childhood yet will be adults with jobs for a very long time. Showing him how to cook, iron etc can still be done without it becoming their responsibility.

YANBU ours always helped out, you are not some kind of demestic slave you know.

It completely astounds me that kids are not expected to help out around the house - even when they are tiny tots!

All children (especially boys) should be encouraged to put their toys away from the start, and leading up to knowing they must help around the house (within reason).

I'd expect a twelve year old to do their own washing, and putting away of clothes, the washing up several times a week (on a rota), laying and clearing the table etc.

I wouldn't expect a 12 year old to do their own washing ...its easy to bung everyones washing in all together

Wouldn't let mine do their own washing. If they break the washing machine they can't afford to repair/replace it.

They are responsible for putting away their own clean clothes. However, this sometimes means that they get dropped on the bedroom floor and end up back in the wash when a 'tidy up' is done - having never been worn.

poppettops why especially boys? I agree that all children should be encouraged but not sure why especially boys.

Oh and if mine did their own washing I would dread the size of the bills. I can just see a single t-shirt going in on its own for a full wash because 'I need it for tonight'

They have to do their own washing at 18 so they might as well learn how to use a washing machine at 14yrs, it doesn't mean they have to do itall the time.
I don't stress about rooms, just close the door.
They live in the house so therefore they should do their share.

My 12 year old can do the vacuuming, tidy his room, make his packed lunch, set the table, wash up the dishes and clean his shoes.

We're going down the team route too. DS is told he is helping when we take washing down together or stir something together.

He is asked to hold things in the supermarket too.

He is 7 months

:o @ TheSkiingGardener

Sheesh, 12 and 14? I expect my 2 and 4 year olds to help! And they are perfectly capable of willingly doing jobs appropriate to their age. Tidying their toys, clothes in the laundry basket, loading/unloading dishwasher & washing mashine, helping unpack shopping, gardening, setting & clearing the table etc. Anything else is just asking for trouble when you get to the teenage years, as you're finding out