To ask my 14 and 12 year old sons to help with the household chores?

[BevMidge]

It seems to me that most kids these days dont feel they should help out at home. Am I the only mum who feels guilty for putting my foot down? I have taken away their x boxes and other tech stuff to try to get them to understand. The way they leave their rooms is really not for here but I can say it is really minging !!!

I want to teach them to spend as little time doing housework and chores as possible.

oh for the sake of humanity make them help out. you wouldn't want them to have that sense of entitlement to being waited on hand foot and finger when they grow up like my h .

ds(2) and dd(4) help out with washing and laundry and shopping and cleaning. They are able to take dry clothes off the airer and put them in the basket smear clean windows and clean the bathroom basin caking it in soap and then I rinse clean it.

dcs help get things off the shelves at the supermarket and drop put them in the trolley and load up the conveyor belt at the end. It is a lot more time consuming but they are learning to do stuff and the principle of helping out.

who would you rther have around, the person who stands next to the mess on the floor and doesn't know they have to find the wet wipes let alone where they are or the person who gets the stool, carries it to the cupboard, climbs up, gets the wet wipe packet and goes and wipes up the mess?

the noon helper was 40 and the helper was just turned 2.

My kids help out, and have since they were about 6. Sometimes I have to re - do the work, but the older they get the better they get.
It's good for them to realise the amount of work that goes into running a house and still getting work /school work completed.
Keep pushing on - it's an uphill battle all the way, but the people they marry will be grateful!

I remember a bloke on that 'would like to meet' programme who, when his mum died, had to phone his aunty to ask her how many sugars he had in tea.

I wonder why he struggled to get a girlfriend?

I'm a SAHM with 3 boys and all 3 of them (aged 19, 11 and 8) know how to cook, clean and look after themselves...the 8yr old a little less obviously.

It's all part of life training...same as teaching them to walk, talk, read and write. I really dont want to be adding 3 males to future Mumsnet conversations that start "My husband is useless"

I have 5 dc. The all have one turn each to wash up and one turn each to dry up each week. In addition the eldest aged 20 does his own washing. The next younger puts the bins and recycling out each week and washes windows once a month. Of the other 3, two help out with hoovering, collecting all the washing and bringing it to the washer for me and the remaining dc (who has learning difficulties) does jobs for me such as matching the socks, as this helps me but also her matching skills etc without her even realising.

I think they all need to know the house doesn't just run itself.

Often some (not all) of them ask for extra jobs for money and thats fine, they are learning work pays.

It's a family, all members should help out according to their abilities.

Parents are not working horses or servants to little precious (teenage) darlings either (who most of the time claim that they are adults and should be treated as such). At least I'm not.

I was gobsmacked at two threads on here last week.

One was a woman saying she felt better having 'bitten the bullet and finally cleaned her son's bedroom after putting it off for ages'...the son was in his twenties

The other was a woman saying her 15yr old daughter wanted to become a veggie. She said her daughter was 'lazy about feeding herself' so some people suggested buying her pre-sliced mushrooms and pre-grated cheese

God forbid either of them should have got off their lazy arses

My dc are 7&4, they are responsible for tidying their own rooms, setting and helping clear table and putting laundry in laundry basket. ds also helps with laundry, sorting clean stuff into piles and carrying shopping (because he's at home when I do it). DD helps cook sometimes.

It does seem a bit old, my dts are 9 and they know what chores they have to do to earn pocket money and they know I appreciate any other help they give me.

Ok so their room isn't as tidy as I'd like but it is good enough for 9 year old standards and I always made a rule that I was going to raise sons that could be self reliant. That means able to cook, clean, launder their clothes - basically run a place of their own when they leave me.

Obviously children need to help. It's not just about household chores either; it's a life skill.

We run a business and employ a few young school leavers. We recently took on one young lad who had no idea how to generally keep things clean and tidy.

He also looked at me blankly when I said it was their turn to make the tea and said "Oh, I don't do that". Of course we said "You do now sunshine", but we had to teach him how to do it, apparently his mum had always made his for him. He was a nice kid and keen, but had no idea how to go about simple tasks. Needless to say he didn't last long in the job.

YANBU. I think you're actually neglecting children if you don't get them roped in and learning how to take care of themselves and their possessions and clothes, and how to feed themselves. If you're not teaching them to be independent of you ultimately, then what are you doing?

My uncle down on the farm said to me once that you have to get children doing chores around age 8 or you'll lose them. I started with dinner prep and table setting for the younger ones and moved up to vacuuming and polishing, laundry and unassisted meal preparation for the older ones. With the exception of DD1 who would have lived on fresh air if I had let her, they have all learned a lot. They'll never be able to wrap their minds around the concept or chores and self organisation/ responsibility unless you make an effort to train them early, and it will be an uphill struggle for you to shift them every time.

Plus there are five of them and only one of me - I am seriously outnumbered and I would run myself ragged without lots of delegation.

A couple of things from my last post have been picked up on. When I said that I looked on other kids as living like servants to their parents it is important to stress that is how it seemed to me as a child. I don't feel like that now if I see kids helping out. But, as a child, I actually thought their parents didn't love them as much as my Mum did me - I felt really special. I know I was spoiled rotten - but I really appreciated it.

As to my admittedly pompous comment about showing DD how to cook reinforcing gender stereotyping - I know that's a bit mad - it is just that was how I was brought up. To this day DP knows never to praise anything I cook as I take offence. I consider that he is emphasising traditional feminine values that I don't hold with. See, I told you, bit mad.

expat you thought I "must be rich" not to do much cooking. Well I once lived in a flat without a kitchen for 5 years and until I had my DD (at 41) I did mostly eat out or takeaways/ready made meals. I never considered myself well off but I could have saved money if I hadn't gone out so much. Both you and rockinhippy also took issue with me living in a "shit tip" because I was too lazy personally to either tidy myself nor teach my DC. Guilty as charged. I am v v lucky that I have a cleaner who keeps things mostly under control but until we found her (again when DD was born) I did indeed live in a shit tip. I considered it a bohemian look though to be fair it was probably more like a squat. I have just never found these things to be important. I'm happy to live like that, as is my DP. I have a wide circle of friends who I entertain a lot at my house and it is just not an issue with anyone I know. You will be relieved to know though that when I am in a shared environment eg at a friend 40th birthday weekend retreat, I make sure that I do as much as possible re: tidying/washing up etc and don't take my slovenly ways with me.

My 5 and 3 year old have regular chores. They both get paid $20 HKD, (about $1.30 GBP) a week. Laying the table, taking dishes back to the kitchen once meals are finished. Emptying the dishwasher. Sorting laundry and loading into the machine, unloading the washing machine and hanging out the smaller light items. Using the toilet brush around the toilet when they've made a mess. Packing and unpacking their own school bags. I'm a Chinese Mum.

Ladytremaine,

I know you have already had replies on this but have to add mine. I am a sahm and have a cleaner twice a week. My dcs still help and tidy after themselves.

It is about developing good habits, forming basic skills for life and treating the people who share a space with some respect. It isn't about my work load, it is about attitude.

When I first left home it was easy to spot the lazy fuckers who left cups by the sink etc because some one else should do it.

Equally I spend huge amounts of time teaching ds2 with sn some basic life skills, self help skills. Independence is a huge gift , easy to underestimate until you are denied it through circumstance

all my dc have chores (15,14,12,7),we have rotas and lists.have done from the start,so we dont get any attitude as they dont know any different.

LeQueen - was MrQ brought up just by his Mum? If he also had a Dad/StepDad in the picture shouldn't he also be held in contempt?

"I would never expect children to do housework that a mother should do."

Christ.

Me, DP and DD share the chores. I am not bloody well doing the lot.

DD is 15 and has been cooking for years (she likes cooking, boy have I capitalised on that piece of good fortune). Last night I came in to a curry whcih she cooked on getting in from school.

DD also does all the ironing. She also cleans the bathroom a couple of times a week, takes her turn in doing the dishes, hoovers and mops etc.

She doesn't do the washing (I do all the washing only because it is madness to have seperate washes going on, it would drive me mad) but dd and dp are perfectly able to put a wash on, and if I give them a bsket of towesl and say 'put this wash on' they are perfectly able to do so.

This is normal to me. Bollocks to waiting on my family hand and foot. We are all in it (domestically) together and share the load.

DD does all her ironing I mean. We iron our own clothes.

My kids all do chores, what depends upon age. Sweeping, bed, some laundry, folding clothes, sorting clothes, insides of windows, hoovering, dusting etc etc. They get pocket money if they do chores, and I give extra chores as a consequence for bad behavior.

The job of a parent is to prepare their child to br an adult, among other things. Doing chores for them is counterproductive

LeQ - ah, so at least he's handy when the plumbing goes wrong then? I always hoped I'd have a boyfriend who could put up a shelf. Have now given up and one of my resolutions for 2011 is to put up some shelves and decorate a room myself. Still not doing any cleaning or cooking mind you....