To ask my 14 and 12 year old sons to help with the household chores?

[BevMidge]

It seems to me that most kids these days dont feel they should help out at home. Am I the only mum who feels guilty for putting my foot down? I have taken away their x boxes and other tech stuff to try to get them to understand. The way they leave their rooms is really not for here but I can say it is really minging !!!

:o, pag.

Is it enforcing gender stereotypes when you teach boys how to feed themselves decent food, clean their own bathroom, wash their own clothes?

Life is full of tedious jobs that have to get done.

Even most jobs contain a level of tedium.

You don't do people any favours to keep them in the dark about this because it's a big conspiracy by Da Man to enslave them.

Um! Is it me hving too dry a sense of humour.

Can I draw you back to my second post by way of proof that I'm on the side of getting kids to pitch in and learn:

MarniesMummy Tue 18-Jan-11 16:56:58
"I wouldnt expect them to be doing the ironing or washing"

I would, when said children leave home, who's going to do their washing and ironing? The faeries?

Surely we're neglecting our duties as parents if our DC's are unable to look after themselves when they become adults.

Right at the start of the thread!

'I still think having a clean house/able to cook is vastly overrated and just a form of oppression.'

Wow, you must be rich. If we didn't cook our own food around here we could not afford to eat.

It's a survival skill, especially now as VAT has gone up on all ready-prepared food.

I'd rather my kids didn't grow up in a shit tip because I was too fucking lazy to keep things clean or teach them to do it but used the pretext that basic life tasks are 'oppressive'.

Is there any correlation between what's expected of the kids and whether there is a parent at home..? In my experience the kids with a parent not working don't have to help as it is the 'job' of the person at home to do this. If both parents work then the kids are taught more about how everyone has to muck in and help to run the house.

Let me know if your experience differs from this.

I am a SAHM.

I think I've made my point regarding what I expect of my DC's.

Bang goes the theory!

'In my experience the kids with a parent not working don't have to help as it is the 'job' of the person at home to do this. If both parents work then the kids are taught more about how everyone has to muck in and help to run the house.'

Let me know if your experience differs from this.

My mother never worked outside the home and we all had chores to do.

It's about learning to look after oneself.

Oh and no, YANBU. It would be unreasonable if you allowed your 2 sons to grow up beleiving that it's mums job to wait hand and foot on them and (presumably, although I have no idea) their father.

It's unlikely they'll ever find a woman to measure up to their expectation as most girls(thankfully) are being taught these days that there is much more to life than picking up after a man.

marniesmummy I'm glad you cleared that up as I was sitting here thinking "OMG is she REALLY crying?!"

I am a SAHM and my kids do chores!!! Housework is not just my job!!!!!

hmm... fair enough.

My 3 yr old Ds obviously has OCD.

He cleans everything all the time.

He won't put dirty socks on, he unloads the washing machine with me and insists on sponging it down as we go.

He puts his spoon and plastic bowl in the sink (throwing them and sometimes missing admittedly) after breakfast.

He looks in the bin a LOT and says 'yuk, dirty in there'

He tidies toys into a neat line before putting them away.

He tells me off sometimes for having a stain on my apron!

He watches oodles of telly and still often wants me to spoon feed him his tea though.

Where am I going wrong?

I have created a monster

Nothing makes me cry Valium (except the start of Up and Darth Vader going to heaven) cos I'm a double 'ard ba$&*rd!

Lady Tremaine, the reason those of us who let our DC's do chores, do so is to prepare them for adult life, not, because we can't be bothered, because it's quicker or because one parent is at home all day.

'I still think having a clean house/able to cook is vastly overrated and just a form of oppression.' REALLY

personally I find a DIRTY MESSY house kind of oppressive ....& I speak from experience, as I'm not always well enough not to have one......I find it really LIBERATING when its all clean shiny & lovely though

& yes another SAHM (occasional WAHM) whose DC does chores here too...its not about what we COULD do for them now, its about what we do for their FUTURE & equipping them well to live in the REAL world, so that its second nature, not something suddenly thrown at them as they prepare to fly the nest, like they haven't suddenly got enough to cope with IMO is a VERY important responsibility of Parenthood....NOT doing it for them

marniesmummy you are making me snort a lot today - keep up the good work!

^My 3 yr old Ds obviously has OCD.

He cleans everything all the time. confused

He won't put dirty socks on, he unloads the washing machine with me and insists on sponging it down as we go.

He puts his spoon and plastic bowl in the sink (throwing them and sometimes missing admittedly) after breakfast.

He looks in the bin a LOT and says 'yuk, dirty in there'

He tidies toys into a neat line before putting them away.

He tells me off sometimes for having a stain on my apron! shock blush

He watches oodles of telly and still often wants me to spoon feed him his tea though. blush

Where am I going wrong?

I have created a monster^

Lol,,,,not doing anything wrong, but don't hold your breath for it to last :)....my DD used to be exactly the same...even to the extent of tidying shelves & rails whenever we went into shops....roll forward 5 years & its a battle to get her to do anything....one she always loses though

YANBU, I agree with previous posts that these are basic life skills. Not being able to cook a simple meal or use a washing machine is nothing to be proud of - it will only make them dependent on others as adults.
In a house things need to get done and if they don't help then that only leaves you and your partner - it's not fair that you have to do everything, and your boys are old enough to understand.
That said I would try it on if I were them

By the time I went to boarding school aged 11 I had already be taught how to do the washing up, iron, hang up laundry, hoover, mop, change the bed clothes, do a bit of gardening and even cook a few things (though more like cakes and biscuits as fun stuff I'd done with my parents than making a meal). I can't remember hating any of these tasks or really kicking up a fuss about it, except maybe the washing up. Seeing as this was in Kenya where all the expats had domestic servants (my best friend there had a cook, a maid and two gardeners) I hold this as pretty progressive of my parents to teach me these valuable skills.

I don't feel they robbed me of my free time or my childhood; I think it's great they taught me these things. I think it also meant I didn't and still don't take my parents for granted - having helped from an early age (and let's face it, my sister and I probably did less than 5% of the housework) I appreciated even more all they did for us. My Dad was a really good model - the kitchen was very much his, and these days it tends to be me that does most of the cooking (so no gender stereotyping in our household!) In fact I wish they'd taught me more - my Dad's an engineer but I always moaned when he asked me to help him with something car or DIY-related. Now I wish I'd said yes and paid attention - I'm so unconfident when it comes to cars or machinery.

Luckily the boarding school I went to also made you do a few menial chores, like sweeping and hoovering, and we had to do our own laundry and change our own bedding, so I didn't forget everything!

Weirdly though both DW and I are steadfast anti-ironers; we can't see the point and don't even own one!

fabbychic
"I would never expect children to do housework that a mother should do.

i.e washing/ironing/cooking family dinner."

why should a mother do these things? why not a father?

I remember feeling really proud the first time I cooked a meal for the whole family (I was 14, it was just pasta with a tomato sauce). Doing chores needn't be slavery, it can be boost to self-esteem and enjoyable to

Sooooo with you on the ironing front MrIC.

Not in my home I tell ya, not in my home!

That's weird my post disappeared....... I'll try again

MrIC - ds is SO proud when he makes something - grins from ear to ear and is all puffed up with pride! My favourite to date was mother's day breakfast in bed which consisted of toast and marmalade, sliced cucumber and olives! Olives at 8am take some eating I can tell you!

i remember my best friend teaching her toddler son to put his cup/plate (plastic) in the sink when he finished with them, and thinking 'what a good idea!'

my two dc have things they are responsible for:

tidying their toys away
putting dirty clothes in the washing machine
helping unload the washing machine
helping put their own clothes away
helping carry out bits of recycling
putting things in the trolley when shopping
bringing their plates/cups to the kitchen after meals

there are a few other things, but i will sound like i am taking the mick if i list them all!

i want them to be able to take care of themselves, be independent, not expect anyone else to do it for them

they may of course choose to live like slobs later

i probably do more than when i worked everyday Lady Tremaine. i probably see things more so i want to tidy up.

My ED said shewould do her own washing but it is easier if i do it as she is trying to do a levels/work part time etc plus it would be uneconomical IMO.

i probably do more than when i worked everyday Lady Tremaine. i probably see things more so i want to tidy up.

My ED said shewould do her own washing but it is easier if i do it as she is trying to do a levels/work part time etc plus it would be uneconomical IMO.

That's great to hear! The SAHMs I know do it all and don't get the kids to do anything. I always thought it was A,To justify them being at home and B, out of laziness as we all know that getting a 5 year old to 'help' is actually more of a hindrance but sets them up well for life hence why we persist with it no matter how much or little time we have on our hands.

The SAHMs I know must just be crap ones! It's funny how when you know a few people from a certain group it's easy to assume that's the norm.

YANBU.

Ooh, goody more anti-ironing allies! (I like to get this point in on as many threads as possible, AIB boring?

I am sure I have seen one of those cutesy fridge magnets or little book of....quotations which says something like 'Children's willingness to help in the home is in directly opposite proportion to their ability'. So true in my family. Little ones love to 'help' and bigger ones avoid any chores at all costs.

Re: clean/tidy bedrooms, I think I could tolerate general untidiness, but my dd (nearly 11) goes the whole hog with dirty underwear flung in every direction (pairs of socks usually in different directions), gerbil poo, food and bedding scattered liberally across the floor with the clean clothes I folded and left on a chair the day before and have somehow slid off and got mixed up with the other detritus....I am coming to the end of my tether on this front!
She does a mean cheese omelette though.