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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to turf out DH's family?

373 replies

squarebobspongepants · 18/01/2011 05:23

I had DD three weeks ago and DH's family are staying with us (we live abroad so they've come to see our baby and turned it into a two week holiday, grr.) This morning BIL said to me "Can you find a way to keep that baby quiet at night? It woke me up and I found it impossible to drift off again." Arsehole.

Then MIL said "Haha, you better throw those jeans out now 'cause you're never going to get your pre-baby body back." Even bigger arsehole.

And I've had MIL and SIL hanging over my shoulder 24/7 telling me I'm doing everything wrong.

After having a good cry in the bathroom I told DH that they would have to go and stay in a nearby hotel as I just can't cope with them. We have not had any time to be alone with DD because MIL is always grabbing her off me "to give her a cuddle" and then won't give her back when I ask/beg/plead. Anyway, DH says we can't possibly chuck 'em out and that I'll just have to "get over it and fast."
I just feel so sad/lonely and I really don't want to feel like that considering I have a beautiful, healthy baby.

Sorry, haha, rant over.

OP posts:
pommedeterre · 19/01/2011 18:27

If he's not back can your mum come over to see you? Enjoy the time just you and your dd but some lovely thoughtful help is always great and if it can't be dh is there someone else it can be?

Original poster
squarebobspongepants · 19/01/2011 18:30

Nope - still not back. DD had to go for a doctors app. this morning and DH didn't show (and he knew all about it as he was one who made the app.)

Friend saw him out in the town with MIL so he's still alive, haha, but I've had no calls/texts. But I don't care because I'm having a great time bonding with DD and he's missing out [smug] x

OP posts:
mummytime · 19/01/2011 18:33

Here is a hug. Have a lovely time with your daughter.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 19/01/2011 18:33

I cannot believe he has gone! Shock

Very glad you told them all to sod off, bunch of useless bastards they sounded.

Enjoy your time with DD, and I do hope your DH comes home soon so that you can chop his (non-existant) bollocks off and feed them to him.

Deciduousblonde · 19/01/2011 18:35

Bloody hell he hasn't even contacted you? he isn't exactly redeeming himself is he?

Glad you are having a peaceful bonding time with bubba though :)

Longtalljosie · 19/01/2011 18:36
Shock Shock

You're being very brave but this is just unforgivable.

What do you think he'll say when he does come back?

Slugontoast · 19/01/2011 18:41

Your DH has got his priorities wrong - the IL's comfort and entertainment on "their" holiday is of greater importance than you and your DD, obviously. Is he so under the thumb that he's waiting for YOUR apology??

What a knobber of the highest order.

Great to hear that you are having a great time bonding.

expatinscotland · 19/01/2011 18:43

What a prick excuse for a man.

That'd be the end of it for me.

Because he's made it clear to you he has FA respect for you.

Thelastnameleft · 19/01/2011 18:44

Im shocked your DH left like that, and no contact either?

Id want to punch his face in, sorry

Hope you are ok OP and enjoying the peace and quiet

Dylthan · 19/01/2011 18:44

wow i can't believe this. Your being so calm about it.

I'm so Angry for you.

If it was my dh he wouldn't be allowed back without a huge groveling apology

curlymama · 19/01/2011 18:45

I can't believe he hasn't come back or contacted you. You seem like you are being very brave, are you really ok?

TheCrackFox · 19/01/2011 18:46

He sounds like a complete tool.

Fuck him and his awful family.

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 19/01/2011 18:46

Disgaceful behaviour from H. I'm afraid unless he appologised that would be a deal breaker and the end of my marriage.

expatinscotland · 19/01/2011 18:48

He's made it clear to you that his family is more important than you and your child together.

So ask yourself this, 'Do you want to put up with this for the rest of your life?'

FourArms · 19/01/2011 18:54

That's really terrible. I think even if he thinks YABU then new mums should be forgiven almost anything due to the hormones floating around. For him to walk out on you would be almost unforgiveable in my house. Hope he turns up with abject apologies ASAP!

DuelingFanjo · 19/01/2011 18:55

yanbu to have snapped. I hope your husband stops being such a dick :(

AnyFucker · 19/01/2011 18:56

Any man who did that to me would no longer be my husband.

MadamDeathstare · 19/01/2011 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FairhairedandFrustrated · 19/01/2011 18:59

Is it usual for Dh to up & go like that? It's just your reaction isn't one of shock, or even anger...

I'd be so fucking angry with him, I'd have the locks changed quicker than he could change his underwear!!

SandStorm · 19/01/2011 19:00

It would be a long time before I could forgive a man for doing that to me. I hope you're alright and that you've got some decent support round you.

HelenaCC · 19/01/2011 19:02

Hi OP I don't usually post but really want to wish you well and tell you how brave you are being standing up to your ILs & now coping alone. Don't let it spoil this time for you.

I am so saddened that any man would treat his wife & newborn child like this. You really are doing the right thing. I have a 4m.o ds & only now can I appreciate how amazing the first days and weeks of life are. IME I was almost too shellshocked to take it in & they change so quickly. My advice to you would be to soak up the wonder & joy at your baby. After that 9 months and labour you have now been rewarded.

jenga079 · 19/01/2011 19:10

I'm sure you've worked this out by now, but YANBU!!!!! I'm sending you a massive hug and am ready to join the MN bitch mob if needed (especially if I get a hat!)

I really hope you're okay and are enjoying getting lots of cuddles with DD (do not look at phone; do not call or text!!!)

OhCobblers · 19/01/2011 19:22

i'm so so sorry for you.

having just had a baby a few weeks ago i'm sure your hormones are still raging about so this is v v upsetting for you.

don't doubt that won't want to hear this but your husband is a prick of the highest order.

is this really how a husband behaves when his wife has so very recently had his baby??!! really????

foul, disgusting, selfish, hideous behaviour from the man who is supposed to love you and his DC more than anything.
i'm not sure i could forgive my DH for behaving like that.

hope you're having a lovely time with your daughter. hope things get so so much better

Lonnie · 19/01/2011 19:25

OP have a lovely time bonding with your baby daughter and spend hours in bed with her just the two of you .. YANBU your dh should have helped you not hindered

Blu · 19/01/2011 19:30

How was it that they came to stay so soon after the birth? MN is full of threads emphasising how important peace and privacy is to new mothers. Has your DH ever understood this? Have you explained to him how vulnerable, tired and sensitive you feel? That is isn;'t that you don't like hi family (insufferable though they sound) but that you wouldn't feel relaxed with any extended visitors at this time.

How is comumnication about things like this between you, usually?

He may not know all this. He may have always believed, in good faith that a birth is a time fo family gatherings and visits.

But whatever, he should be supporting you, protecting you, and now that you and your baby are his first family, putting you first.

Pour your heart out to him. Let him know how badly he has let you down.