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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to turf out DH's family?

373 replies

squarebobspongepants · 18/01/2011 05:23

I had DD three weeks ago and DH's family are staying with us (we live abroad so they've come to see our baby and turned it into a two week holiday, grr.) This morning BIL said to me "Can you find a way to keep that baby quiet at night? It woke me up and I found it impossible to drift off again." Arsehole.

Then MIL said "Haha, you better throw those jeans out now 'cause you're never going to get your pre-baby body back." Even bigger arsehole.

And I've had MIL and SIL hanging over my shoulder 24/7 telling me I'm doing everything wrong.

After having a good cry in the bathroom I told DH that they would have to go and stay in a nearby hotel as I just can't cope with them. We have not had any time to be alone with DD because MIL is always grabbing her off me "to give her a cuddle" and then won't give her back when I ask/beg/plead. Anyway, DH says we can't possibly chuck 'em out and that I'll just have to "get over it and fast."
I just feel so sad/lonely and I really don't want to feel like that considering I have a beautiful, healthy baby.

Sorry, haha, rant over.

OP posts:

pigletmania · 25/01/2011 21:58

meant dd sorry typo

alexpolismum · 26/01/2011 09:06

So sorry to read your last post. It does seem that your DH is behaving childishly - walking out, coming back, walking out again. It's probably true that he doesn't know what it's like for you, and with his relatives in his ears all day he probably doesn't know what to think. However, it's not your job to bring him up to maturity and you do need to put your foot down. If he really doesn't want to see his DD then is there really any point continuing with him? Or is he just bluffing?

So sorry for you, squarebob, I hope you get things worked out, and at least with your mum there now you have some real life support.

missmehalia · 26/01/2011 09:21

You clever girl. You've performed a miracle in making and birthing a little girl, and the world is all the richer for the work you have done. Congratulations!

YANBU. They should be doing the jobs around the house and feeding you, so that you can have these precious early times with DD.

Ask them to leave. (And I'm sad for you that your 'D'H isn't defending you.) You don't have to explain yourself, just tell them it's for the baby that you are doing it. Babies don't know who comes to see them and who doesn't in those early days. All they know is if YOU are not feeling right. And if you're not feeling right, the baby will pick up on that and it's not fair on her.

They are not supporting your new little family, so they should go and stay nearby. It is particularly outrageous about MIL being territorial about this baby, it will make every one of your alarm bells ring. What a shower of unfeeling bastards. MIL in particular. She is a mother herself, so should have more sympathy. Maybe her DH's family did this to her back in the day, so she is subconsciously getting her own back. Tell her to fuck off if you want to!

missmehalia · 26/01/2011 09:27

And sorry, OP, have only just read some of the further details on here (the curse of avoiding thoroughly reading a 14 page thread!) I was on my own with my 1st DD at the beginning. It was hard, but I had good friends, and lousy in laws who kept away in the end when they realised I wasn't a pushover.

Do your best to keep the door open to people who love you. Because that's what DD and you deserve. I don't expect DH had any idea what this new event would mean to/for you. He has been very silly and will have a lot of work to do in the future.

Let others do the work they need to to realise what they should have offered you. Your needs and your job are very simple at the moment.. self nurturing, and nurturing your baby. If you feel it helps, write down all your feelings about recent events and just hang onto it. When others are ready to listen, you can just hand it over. (I recommend hanging onto it for at least a week first, in case you want to amend anything.) This is a very emotional time for everyone concerned, but particularly for you. If you can get any support from your own family, call them in to help. If not, then close friends. It's OK to have boundaries!

JaxTellersOldLady · 26/01/2011 09:27

OMFG! I have just (skim) read the past 15 pages and still cannot believe what an utter, selfish bastard your husband has been.

Please tell me that he has 'previous' form? Otherwise I am dumbfounded by his actions. You are being so strong, I totally agree with the others on here. Leave him, and his vile, pathetic family to bitch and behave like idiots.

You and your daughter will be just fine on your own back in the UK. So glad you have your mum out there with you now.

It isnt often that I am stuck for words, but this just beggars belief.

IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp · 26/01/2011 10:46

Trifle

She has a newborn baby, her husband has walked out, her mum and brother have come over to help her.

Why should she be on here all the time - I certainly wouldn't have had time to be when DD was age and I had a DP to help.

Sorry I think your post had mean implications.

Aggiebag · 26/01/2011 11:02

Pack their bags when they are asleep, put them by the front door and tell that insensitive caveman you married that if he doesn't like it he can fuck off too!!! You need calm and love around you right now not a bunch of pointless, selfish halfwits.
Stand your ground sweetie, remember, no one with any sense should get between a bear and her cub. Start snarling!!!

TastesLikePanda · 26/01/2011 11:05

Shall we stop calling SBSPs H her DH - doesn't seem to be much 'D' about him!

KaraStarbuckThrace · 26/01/2011 11:14

Sponge - so glad your mum and brother are there to advise you.

Please goes to the British Consulate and get some advice.

You deserve a much better husband than this man, and your daughter definitely deserves a better father.

And no the mum and brother should definitely stay put - espcially when the SIL has been leaving threatening message - she's the bitch

monkeyflippers · 26/01/2011 11:30

So glad you have your mum and brother their to support you.

snapshot · 26/01/2011 20:47

How are things today sponge?

As others have said, I'm so glad your mum and brother have come over to provide support to you and your dd.

MsKLo · 28/01/2011 14:03

Bump

Any updates sponge? X

gillybean2 · 31/01/2011 16:52

Bump
Hoping that no posting means you are well on your way back home with your mum and brother...

RedHeels · 31/01/2011 20:36

I've seen squarebob post somewhere else. Maybe she doesn't want to update?

MsKLo · 31/01/2011 21:30

Cmon girl...

mayorofwhoville · 31/01/2011 22:29

Hopefully Sponge and babysponge are doing fine having been rescued by mamasponge and spongebro.

shakey1500 · 31/01/2011 22:37

YANBU

That's awful for you :(

I had an awful traumatic birth and was a complete mess when I got home. I was, in shock (had 4th degree tear), in pain and a gibbering wreck. Add to that, I hadn't a clue what i was supossed to be doing. In her infinate wisdom, my mother (strained relationship) decided she was going to video me giving ds his first bath at home. I couldn't remember anything they'd shown me in hospital and the whole thing was dreadful. There was my mum, stepdad, sister, niece and dh all stood there watching me fumble my way through it. At the time i was so nervous and unstable I didn't say anything but I was dying inside.

I have watched the video since (3 years on) and don;t recognise myself. I want to give myself a bloody great big hug.

Tell your dh to get them to bugger off asap, nicely but assertively. As others have said, it's an important time for you and one that cannot be replaced.

Hugs to you

detachandtrustyourself · 01/02/2011 20:28

Trifle, the Op has a newborn, very time consuming, hopefully been rescued and is back in uk. Op posted for advice, there is not a condition that to get support she has to "contribute to her own thread". Probably barely has time to go to the toilet, have a bath, eat, sleep, with a few weeks old baby. I would love it if she comes back to let us know how she is, but it should not be about us wanting to know the ending of the story. I just hope no news is good news.

stuffandthings · 05/02/2011 07:38

How's it going op? Have you changed your name to spongebobsquareknickers? In which case, going by posts you have made elsewhere, you seem to be fine, certainly well enough to be making fun of other peoples misfortunes (in the thread about the woman sexually assaulted by god parent).

If this is not you, I apologise.

TanteRose · 05/02/2011 07:44

stuff don't be daft, its not the same poster...

TyraG · 05/02/2011 07:46

stuffandthings Why would you even suggest something like that, especially with everything she's going through.

What a bitchy thing to say.

JeelyPiece · 05/02/2011 07:52

Stuff WTF, apart from the fact the name is different a quick search would show that from the content of the other one's posts it's clearly not the same person.

stuffandthings · 05/02/2011 08:30

Ah, thanks for clearing that up. op I apologise again.

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