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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to turf out DH's family?

373 replies

squarebobspongepants · 18/01/2011 05:23

I had DD three weeks ago and DH's family are staying with us (we live abroad so they've come to see our baby and turned it into a two week holiday, grr.) This morning BIL said to me "Can you find a way to keep that baby quiet at night? It woke me up and I found it impossible to drift off again." Arsehole.

Then MIL said "Haha, you better throw those jeans out now 'cause you're never going to get your pre-baby body back." Even bigger arsehole.

And I've had MIL and SIL hanging over my shoulder 24/7 telling me I'm doing everything wrong.

After having a good cry in the bathroom I told DH that they would have to go and stay in a nearby hotel as I just can't cope with them. We have not had any time to be alone with DD because MIL is always grabbing her off me "to give her a cuddle" and then won't give her back when I ask/beg/plead. Anyway, DH says we can't possibly chuck 'em out and that I'll just have to "get over it and fast."
I just feel so sad/lonely and I really don't want to feel like that considering I have a beautiful, healthy baby.

Sorry, haha, rant over.

OP posts:
Horton · 19/01/2011 19:44

God, cannot believe your DH has upped and left you at such a vulnerable time over this. I'm so sorry. What a complete idiot he must be. If he doesn't get in touch v soon to explain himself, I think I'd be changing the locks in your position.

JamieLeeCurtis · 19/01/2011 19:49

Blu's post is very sensible

Hard not to feel very very angry on your behalf. I hope you DH pulls his socks up

Plumm · 19/01/2011 19:56

He left yesterday and he hasn't come back yet?

AnyFucker · 19/01/2011 20:02

blu...she can't "pour her heart out to him"

he has fucked off and left her to it

Lara2 · 19/01/2011 20:04

Just to say, thinking of you - what a twat your DH is being. He's missing out on a crucial time with your DD and you. Actually, would you want him to come back? If he deserts you and chooses his (frankly dreadful) family now, then he'll always do it. Will you ever be able to rely on him and trust him when push comes to shove?

I do feel for you.

Doha · 19/01/2011 20:12

He has chosen his old family over his new family. You and your DD should be the main priority in his life.

He has let you and your DD down badly at a
one of the most important time of your lives. That is totally unforgivable in my opinion.
There would be no going back. He has made his choice. I hope you make yours wisely Squarebob.

QuintessentialShadows · 19/01/2011 20:14

Squarebob, where are you, and where is your own family?

Can you just up and leave?

Your husband is a total arse.

MainlyMaynie · 19/01/2011 20:16

OMG, I am so cross on your behalf. What is your DH doing? I hope he realises how completely unreasonable he's being before it's too late.

PatPending · 19/01/2011 20:17

I've been reading this thread with utter disbelief!
I hope you are OK Sponge?
Sounds like your DH is very immature and a big spoilt brat.
Others have said it far better - you and your baby should have come first.
Well done for putting your foot down - not sure I'd have had the cojones!

QuintessentialShadows · 19/01/2011 20:18

You are much better off on your own, than with a husband who let his family walk all over you and treat you so disrespectfully.

Schnullerbacke · 19/01/2011 20:19

Turf them out or you will forever regret it. Happened to me and I still have some attachment issues with DD.

Tolalola · 19/01/2011 20:20

Shock at your husband. He'd be my ex pretty quickly after that, I think.

Hope you're having a delicious, delicious babymoon with your lovely, squashy newborn with lots of sleep and cuddles for both of you.

Schnullerbacke · 19/01/2011 20:21

Sorry, that will teach me not to read the whole thread. I'm sorry this happened to you! Hope you and the Baba will be ok.

giveitago · 19/01/2011 20:28

Your dh is the issue here. He's a father now for ffs and he should be lobbying for his baby and the mother of his child.

Sounds like he's acting the victim.

I tell you because I've been there - it doesn't get any better. He's set the tone of his parenting really hasn't he.

Enjoy your little baby.

LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 19/01/2011 20:31

I am so shocked he still hasn't contacted you, not being there when you got back is one thing but this behaviour is another

fruitful · 19/01/2011 20:34

Good grief. Are they back? If not, lock the door from the inside and don't let him in till he's grovelled.

If they are, print this thread out and hand it to them.

jenga079 · 19/01/2011 21:16

I can't stop thinking about this. Really hope you & DD are okay! I know you've not actually asked for our advice, but I've changed mine. If one of my friends was going through this I'd tell her to put her pride aside. Pick up the phone. Call him. Ask to meet (without the rest of the family!) Try to sort things out. It goes against my initial ranty instincts, but feels a bit more sensible!

Whatever you do, good luck x

Plumm · 19/01/2011 21:25

How are you, OP is he back yet?

TandB · 19/01/2011 21:40

Do you have any family or close friends nearby? Could you pack a bag and take yourself and the baby off for a few days so that they can't all come strutting back in again and expect things to go on as they did before?

collision · 19/01/2011 21:41

bump

PeeringIntoTheWintryVoid · 19/01/2011 21:55

YANBU of course. I am just Shock Angry Shock at how he's treated you - to up and leave you alone at the moment is just... Shock What a shitty situation. Sad

KangarooCaught · 19/01/2011 21:56

Hope you have some RL support, if you were near to me would love to offer some. I would be just gutted if this was my dh, am awed by your strength.

piprabbit · 19/01/2011 22:03

What is he thinking?

Simply beyond words...

AnyFucker · 19/01/2011 22:06

hope OP is ok

viewfromawindow · 19/01/2011 22:07

I never cease to be amazed how some men can treat their partners when they have just had a baby!! My EX-H managed to cover himself on glory by:
a) telling me to "get on with the job" as I was apparently the "one that wanted her". My DD was 24 hours old.
b) Going back to work the day after I came out of the hospital. I had not a single friend or family around me and had never even held a baby before. He had taken a whole single day off work. Lucky me.
c) Not coming home AT ALL one night,she was about 3 months old, and not quite realising why I was in a panic. He had even turned his phone off so I couldn't reach him.

Prick... probably why he is now my ex!

The way I looked at it was it was a bit like the honeymoon period when you fall in love. If he isn't going to look after you now then what is he going to do when times get tough??
Best of luck with your DD. Mine is simply the most joyous thing that ever happened!