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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to turf out DH's family?

373 replies

squarebobspongepants · 18/01/2011 05:23

I had DD three weeks ago and DH's family are staying with us (we live abroad so they've come to see our baby and turned it into a two week holiday, grr.) This morning BIL said to me "Can you find a way to keep that baby quiet at night? It woke me up and I found it impossible to drift off again." Arsehole.

Then MIL said "Haha, you better throw those jeans out now 'cause you're never going to get your pre-baby body back." Even bigger arsehole.

And I've had MIL and SIL hanging over my shoulder 24/7 telling me I'm doing everything wrong.

After having a good cry in the bathroom I told DH that they would have to go and stay in a nearby hotel as I just can't cope with them. We have not had any time to be alone with DD because MIL is always grabbing her off me "to give her a cuddle" and then won't give her back when I ask/beg/plead. Anyway, DH says we can't possibly chuck 'em out and that I'll just have to "get over it and fast."
I just feel so sad/lonely and I really don't want to feel like that considering I have a beautiful, healthy baby.

Sorry, haha, rant over.

OP posts:
Aims80 · 18/01/2011 10:04

I'd be having SERIOUS words with my husband if I were you!

Fair enough if he's reluctant to actually ask them to go to a hotel as that could be awkward but he could at least have a word about their comments/behaviour in a non confrontational way.. that's what a supportive partner would do! Even if he just said in a breezy sort of way, "oh give her some space, I think she's a natural" to his mother/sister.. I think the BIL needs a kick up the arse if he mentions keeping the baby quiet at night though!!

warthog · 18/01/2011 10:10

your dh needs to sort them out,

he's the one who's 'got to get over it and fast'. he's got his own family now that take priority.

Silver1 · 18/01/2011 10:12

Oh my word Shock- Oh my wordy word.
You poor thing.

I would find a stinky old fish, put it on the table and say "family visiting and fish have a lot in common they should go off after three days"

kaj32 · 18/01/2011 10:38

First put baby in a sling then pack all their bags and dump them in the garden H included.

My MIL tried to bully her way in (in her passive aggressive poor little me way) when my PFB arrived and both she and DH were told in on uncertain terms that they would both be kicked out she didn't back off.

As someone said on another thread, release the inner mummy tiger and don't take their shit.

MommyMayhem · 18/01/2011 11:07

Bronze, this suggestion made my day, "Or get a mob of angry mners around. I would come round and tell them to all leave if I lived near enough for you"

Grin
MadAboutQuavers · 18/01/2011 12:10

OP, I hope you are ok and you've been able to speak to your arse of a- DH about this this morning

piprabbit · 18/01/2011 14:12

There was me thinking my bitch hat would be some gorgeous Cruella de Ville/Alexis Colby confection - turns out that it'll be more like Noddy. Very disappointed Sad.

FanellaFidge · 18/01/2011 14:14

Love the thought of a mob of MNer's turning up at spongebobs place wearing those hats piprabbit Grin

thekidsmom · 18/01/2011 14:18

Next time you get a minute - when your baby is having a nap, maybe - get on the phone and book either a hotel room for the outlaws inlaws or better still one way airtickets to send them home.

Then get their suitcases out in the lounge and start packing thier stuff.... you can have them gone by tea time today....

Poor, poor you - you've been robbed of some of your most precious moments with your baby....

Rhinestone · 18/01/2011 14:37

Squarebob - which country are you in? I am overseas too and if I'm anywhere near you then I'll come round and kick them out.

I have a very commanding voice and will have no trouble being your proxy-bitch! Grin

Seriously, show DH this thread and tell him to man the fuck up. He is letting a bunch of idiots psychologically trample on his new family. He is being an utter wuss.

As for the rest of them......

BlingLoving · 18/01/2011 14:46

I am concerned this will happen to me too but am already planning to be rude back if need be. Physically remove baby from MIL/SIL. Disappear to bedroom/nursery and close and lock door as neeeded. If they claim you are being rude/unfriendly etc , point out that as it's your baby, you want to spend time with her nd this is the only way you can.

Your DH is being a knob. At the very least, he should have told BIL to jump into a very cold, very deep lake.

Pixieonthemoor · 18/01/2011 14:51

You are totally not being unreasonable. Their behaviour is disgraceful and I am afraid that the time has come for you to LOSE IT ENTIRELY. Have a total fit - point out how vile they are all being and if they dont have the decency to look sheepish and promise to behave a little better then shout some more. The great thing about this is that, when you are feeling better about 10 years down the line, you can claim that your hormones were a little off balance!! You need this time - YOU and your husband (who incidentally needs to man up and protect his NEW family - whose side is he on??) and your darling new one. Huge congrats btw.

bronze · 18/01/2011 15:01

It just winds me up. Its not the feisty ones this happens to, it's the lovely sweet people who really don't have it in them just after having had a baby.
Normally this is where your OH steps in. Sadly in this case he hasn't so I just wish there was someone who could speak up for the poor op

Ephiny · 18/01/2011 15:20

YANBU, they're being unbelievable rude to you - comments about your weight and ordering you to 'keep your baby quiet' in your own home? Angry

Your DH needs to decide whose side he's on. You've just had a baby and need this time for recovering from the birth and bonding with your new little girl, and the people around you need to treat you with some respect and consideration - he should be the first to be enforcing that rule.

It's awful about your MIL grabbing the baby to 'cuddle' (like she's a toy not a person, this seems quite a common attitude actually) and refusing to give her back, I wouldn't dream of touching or picking up someone else's newborn baby without them specifically inviting me to or doing anything with them that the mum didn't want. I can't understand how anyone can think that's OK.

AlaskaHQ · 18/01/2011 17:24

Is there any update on how things are going?

fireblademum · 18/01/2011 17:37

Yes yanbu. Screaming meltdown required. ASAP. X x x

thighsmadeofcheddar · 18/01/2011 17:41

When that baby cries tonight (as they do) I would go and stand with it outside BIL's room. What a nobber.

Original poster
squarebobspongepants · 19/01/2011 00:16

Thank you all so much. BIL made comments again today and I snapped, donned the MN bitch hat and took DD out, telling them to be gone by the time I got back.

Came back to find some of DH's gone and an empty house so I can only assume he's gone with them. But I feel much more confident and in control now, although a bit sad that DH has clearly chosen them over us. Wanker.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 19/01/2011 00:20

Look, I don't know where you are just now, spongebob, but I'm originally from the US. And fuck him.

Oooo, he's off with them.

Don't call him. Don't text him.

Just revel in the peace.

He can't see or stand up to this bunch of buttheads?! Hello?! Shrinky dink dick and balls.

Screw it.

Get 'em gone is result.

They're taking the piss.

Stop doing shit for them if you are.

Assign them chores.

BIL = dicksmack.

Assign him loads of shit so he won't have trouble sleeping at night.

Be a bitch.

Here, here's some! I have it in spades.

:o

But my life is pretty peaceful (touch wood).

manicbmc · 19/01/2011 00:24

Good for you for turfing the ungrateful buggers out!

YeahBut · 19/01/2011 00:26

Peace, perfect peace!
Well done, squarebob. Do not cave and get in touch with your (d)h. When he comes slinking back, he will probably expect you to be some kind of weeping, apologetic mess. Tell him to get to feck. Be icy!

Strawbezza · 19/01/2011 00:34

Squarebob, I am delighted that they have gone, but your DH to have gone with them...... words fail me. Enjoy your baby and the peace though, don't call/text DH.

Eskarina · 19/01/2011 01:27

Well done Squarebob. Now think of them no more and finally enjoy the peace you have with your beautiful new baby DD.

ben5 · 19/01/2011 01:33

sounds like you have won. they are now all really missing out! glad you have piece and make the most of it!

TheSkiingGardener · 19/01/2011 03:10

Congratulations and revel in the time alone with your baby, it's just so precious.

Don't contact DH, and when he comes back act surprised and tell him you hadn't noticed he'd been gone. If he's not got flowers and a big apology for you the mans an idiot ( feeling polite tonight Grin )