to turf out DH's family?

[squarebobspongepants]

I had DD three weeks ago and DH's family are staying with us (we live abroad so they've come to see our baby and turned it into a two week holiday, grr.) This morning BIL said to me "Can you find a way to keep that baby quiet at night? It woke me up and I found it impossible to drift off again." Arsehole.

Then MIL said "Haha, you better throw those jeans out now 'cause you're never going to get your pre-baby body back." Even bigger arsehole.

And I've had MIL and SIL hanging over my shoulder 24/7 telling me I'm doing everything wrong.

After having a good cry in the bathroom I told DH that they would have to go and stay in a nearby hotel as I just can't cope with them. We have not had any time to be alone with DD because MIL is always grabbing her off me "to give her a cuddle" and then won't give her back when I ask/beg/plead. Anyway, DH says we can't possibly chuck 'em out and that I'll just have to "get over it and fast."
I just feel so sad/lonely and I really don't want to feel like that considering I have a beautiful, healthy baby.

Sorry, haha, rant over.

You poor thing. This sounds rotten.

Are they all doing anything to help by the way .... who is doing the cooking, cleaning, etc.

You should be focusing on the baby. If they really have to be in the house, they should be focussing on being as helpful as possible on chores, etc. And helping you get as much sleep as you can.

And they should be being as supportive emotionally as they can. Helping you feel like you are a great mum, even though you have only been doing the job a few weeks.

Is this happening at all?

I love TheEvilDead's note - fantastic.

OP is this your first child? If so would be tempted to say to your DH something like "Wow, I thought that now you were a father you wouldnt be scared of your family any more - sorry love, I realise how hard this must be for you" all with a simpering smile...

If he then retorts that he isn't scared of them you get to say "Then I dont understand darling, why on earth would you put them ahead of your wife and child? - such strange behaviour"

With MIL and SIL maybe push the "Did your mother bully you like this when you had your first child?, how sad"

As for BIL - just fucking punch him.

Also, I can understand why MIL & FIL are around - new grandparents are always keen to see a new grandchild, but why BIL too?

I can't imagine either my Brother or my BIL wanted to spend two weeks hanging out in a house with a new baby.

Kick the fuckers out.

Including your useless dh.

This is shocking. Where do people like that come from?! I insisted my own mother came few days (never mind any other family) after the birth so I had time to bond with the baby and adjust to the new situation and see if I'm able to take her of her by myself. But then again no one would suggest such stupidity as the one happening in your case because I'm a mad cow and they wouldn't dare--they're all rather considerate and sensible.

This is not the first thread like this I don't get why you people put yourself in such situation. My family can't afford to come and stay here, so they fucking don't. I'm so angry on your behalf OP. Since it got to this stage, I don't see any other option other then telling them: "You have made this special time a nightmare for me and the baby and you have to go." I'm sorry it will upset you DP, but he needs to spends his sulking time looking for his marbles as he seems to completely have lost them.

they wouldn't dare

''As for BIL - just fucking punch him''

I think it's the least he deserves!

Don't you dare go to a hotel. You stay there in your own home. The selfish bastards can clear off and visit for an hour or so a day at prearranged tmes.
Remember, you won't get this time again. Fuck em.

op is your husband normally a bully cos the comment he made sounds very bullying to me.
When the baby is awake at night open your door or wander about the house so everyone can hear it screaming.Yes isolate yourswelf in your roomes,with baby,ask a proffessional to speak to dh,or you could go into a massivr melt down and whilst holding you head in your hands scream "get out ive had enough" remember to have the mad stare in your eyes,good luck.

Or get a mob of angry mners around. I would come round and tell them to all leave if I lived near enough for you

Liking Bronze's idea. I'm up for a crowd of angry mums morning out!

I hope the OP is ok.

At this point in time I don't think I have ever wanted to hug someone as much as this :(

bet you London to a brick she's also running about after them, cooking and cleaning.

Your DH needs to grow a pair.

Of course they are all treating you badly if they know they have his permission.

Just don't let MIL grab her. Hide in the bedroom.

With BIL? Tell him that it is your home and your baby's home - if he isn't happy to stay there he is welcome to leave and stay in a hotel.

In short - you need to start being rude back at them.

expat - unfortunately you are probably right :(

Grr, makes me so fucking angry I want to kick the lot of them and I don't even know them.

Hopefully she is turfing them out. Like someone said - they are so rude, no need to worry about upsetting bastards.

Are your parents still around? Bung DD's stuff in the car, strap her in the car seat and go and stay with them. Tell DH if he wants to join you, he can...

Very true expat. Post baby, there are two sorts of visitors. Tea-bringers, and tea-expecters. This lot definitely in the second category...

I think we should be issued with a bitch hat when we join MN.

The massive meltdown sounds good.

As does asking HV to have a quiet word with DH about their behaviour putting you at increased risk of PND.

OP lives abroad so probably no HV and no own parents over there.

Oh yes, good point piprabbit.

Talk to the Health Visitor - can you phone them for a chat? They are concerned about your wellbeing as much as about the baby, only 3 weeks after the birth.

Which country are you living in? I was in USA for 2nd baby, and they didn't have HVs there, but did have a very friendly Midwife team at my ObGyn office who helped with post-birth stuff as well. Most countries I guess have something similar.

I had no qualms about chucking out my FIL after several incidents involving his attitude towards my children & family life in general.

Some people need a hammer to the head rather than a small hint. When they have spent their lives trampling all over others with no recourse they have no idea what they are doing.

Read them the riot act. A 'fuck off' is sometimes the only thing that works.

im thinking she is probably on a different time zone o us thats why not heard.It makes me mad as they can only do this stuff to a mild mannered quiet woman.They wouldnt do it me,rest assured.When pil visited us every day of our romantic hot tub log cabin break i took action.On the 3rd day they rang dh to say they were coming (yes its him too) i opened some wine,lit a fag and hopped into the tub in my pants!Dh then rang them to tell them not to come

If MIL & SIL want to help with the baby, can you get a rota of help going for middle of the night?

If you are breast feeding then clearly only you can do that, but help settling the baby again afterwards, etc.... If they want to help cuddle the baby, doing so at 3am might be really helpful.

MIL & SIL might be trying to help, but just not really thinking, and not going about it in the right way. BIL still sounds like an idiot though.

In this busy a household, with this many potential 'helping hands', it certainly shouldn't be just you up & awake trying to deal with the baby in the middle of the night.