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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my friend to delay returning from maternity leave by 8 weeks?

189 replies

phonicspusher · 10/01/2011 22:07

I am doing maternity cover for a very good friend of mine and she is planning to return to work when her baby is 7 months old. I was pregnant at the beginning of the job and would have been 36 weeks when she returned but I miscarried this baby (she knows this but is just about the only one that does). I am now pregnant again and will be 22 weeks when she returns. I now will not be eligible for maternity pay because I need to be working during week 29(mat pay is very good where we work - worth around four months salary - which would be brilliant as I have no work and no prospect of work after this!!) . Would it be unreasonable to ask her to consider delaying her return to work for 8 weeks so I could get this pay? Presumably it would be illegal to incentivise this in some way if the delay would leave her short of cash? And how will our friendship survive if she says no - I'm so incredibly anxious about money and devastated about the previous pregnancy not working out and I sort of expect her to understand this - I keed thinking "Well, I'd do it for her..."..And although obviously the thing is, please God, to have a healthy baby I do just think its like a kick in the teeth to have worked in this place for 10 years and be out by 8 weeks for maternity pay... grrrr/arrggh!!! WWYD?

OP posts:
DooinMeCleanin · 10/01/2011 22:09

I'd ask but make it clear you understand if she cannot afford to say yes. Do you get mat pay as a temp worker?

allnightlong · 10/01/2011 22:09

YABU if she's returning it may because she needs the money, you will be putting her in an awkward position.

trixymalixy · 10/01/2011 22:10

You can only ask. But it seems a bit mean for her to forgo 2 months salary, so you can earn more. It could be she would be happy to be off anyway.....

AnyFucker · 10/01/2011 22:12

you must not ask her this

you will put her in an impossible situation

unless she is married to a millionaire you have no right

8 weeks more of no pay may be crippling for her

I am sorry for your experiences and your financial concerns, but they are yours not hers

Original poster
phonicspusher · 10/01/2011 22:12

Would I go to prison if I offered her one months salary in return for doing this?

OP posts:
jmc112 · 10/01/2011 22:12

How have you worked in the place for 10 years and yet you would be unemployed at the end of this maternity cover?
Anyway, only you know whether she is a good enough friend to ask her. Personally I think YANBU to ask, but YABU to say your friendship won't survive if she says no.

allnightlong · 10/01/2011 22:12

Just re-read the last part again you seem determind to make this your friends problem when in fact it's your own.
That sounds like a lot of presure to pass onto her:
'I sort of expect her to understand this - I keed thinking "Well, I'd do it for her...'

'And how will our friendship survive if she says no '

Thats very unfair of you, your expect her to put your family before hers.

AnyFucker · 10/01/2011 22:13

and tha was tongue-in-cheek about the millionaire...

Littlefish · 10/01/2011 22:13

I'm not quite clear - if you've worked there for 10 years, why aren't you eligible for maternity pay?

Silver1 · 10/01/2011 22:14

I agree with Anyfucker-also she may be a mum who is desperate to go back to work. Well she may be. If she wanted more time off she would have, can still request it, but it is her job, her salary and her emotional well being.

IAmReallyFabNow · 10/01/2011 22:14

You are asking her to go without money so that you can earn more. How can you possibly think that is okay?

AnyFucker · 10/01/2011 22:15

I don't get it either Confused

love, you sound desperate but I can't see why

Bumperlicious · 10/01/2011 22:16

If you've been working at that place for 10 years how will you be out of work when she returns?

annh · 10/01/2011 22:16

I am confused, if you have worked in the company for 10 years and are currently filling this role as a maternity cover, presumably you must have your original (or another) role to return to at the end of the cover? So you will be working at week 29? Yes, I think you probably are being unreasonable to ask your friend to delay her return, maybe she needs the money too? Maybe this is when she has planned her childcare to start? She may already be paying a retainer to a CM, for instance. If her baby will be 7 months, it sounds very much as if she is coming back after 6 months ML in order to guarantee return to her original job, if she pushes into additional ML she does not have the right to return to her original job and may find herself being asked to accept another role - obviously, I don't know your company so this may not be the case.

AMAZINWOMAN · 10/01/2011 22:19

It's not her fault you got pregnant, so why should she pay?

arentfanny · 10/01/2011 22:24

Of course you are.

classydiva · 10/01/2011 22:24

If you have been continuously employed with the same company for almost ten years and are just eight weeks short you are still entitled to maternity pay as per the government guidelines.

Seems a bit mean to put this on your friend and as others have said she might not be able to get her job back if she stays off longer.

If you had had your baby which you miscarried surely you would have been in the same situation?

Curiousmama · 10/01/2011 22:27
Confused
Original poster
phonicspusher · 10/01/2011 22:27

I could get maternity allowance but not occupational maternity pay. The difference is considerable. I have worked there for 10 years but if the contract ends before week 29 then you get NADA. I have previously had other contracts in the same place (back to back jobs, continuous for 10 years)but try getting a new contract when you are 5 months pregnant... not going to happen.

OP posts:
annh · 10/01/2011 22:33

I still don't understand. How can you be employed on a contract basis for 10 years? I thought there was a period after a number of years where you had to become an employee, in order to stop companies from avoiding obligations to their employees? And if you are employed on a series of contracts, how would you qualify for the occupational maternity pay anyway? Your talk of qualifying for maternity allowance makes me think that you are self-employed? So you can't be both s-e and an employee? Or am I missing something very basic?

classydiva · 10/01/2011 22:35

Phonic

But you would not have got that if you had not miscarried so what would you have done financially then?

Sorry, I do feel that you are not being fair to your friend, you could lose her her job in fact.

PatriciaHolm · 10/01/2011 22:35

Depending on when she returns, your plan may have serious implications for her - if she returns after 6 months she's entitled to her old job back, if after that then she isn't, so it's not just about money. It's a very big ask, and I can't imagine her being happy about it.

alicet · 10/01/2011 22:39

I could literally not have afforded to do what you are asking. I stayed off as long as I could afford both times (8 months andn 7 months).

If you can ask in such a way that she knows you are not expecting it and don't hold it against her if she says no then that is OK. But from you posts I would be surprised if you could pull this off.

There will be lots of reasons as well, not just financial why she may have planned what she has. YANBU to ask (proviso in paragraph above) but YABVVVVVVU if you expect this or let things change for your friendship if she declines. Her priority has to be her family now and not you and yours

alicet · 10/01/2011 22:40

Oh and to the outside you could have thought 'you have a well paid job, so does your dh etc etc why can't you help me?'

llbeanj · 10/01/2011 22:45

i don't see why you can't have an adult conversation about it, she might be dithering about having extra time anyway.
but it's not nice to put her under any pressure

i have no idea if its legal to bribe her or not, it does sound dishonest, but don't know if that would make it illegal