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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my friend to delay returning from maternity leave by 8 weeks?

189 replies

phonicspusher · 10/01/2011 22:07

I am doing maternity cover for a very good friend of mine and she is planning to return to work when her baby is 7 months old. I was pregnant at the beginning of the job and would have been 36 weeks when she returned but I miscarried this baby (she knows this but is just about the only one that does). I am now pregnant again and will be 22 weeks when she returns. I now will not be eligible for maternity pay because I need to be working during week 29(mat pay is very good where we work - worth around four months salary - which would be brilliant as I have no work and no prospect of work after this!!) . Would it be unreasonable to ask her to consider delaying her return to work for 8 weeks so I could get this pay? Presumably it would be illegal to incentivise this in some way if the delay would leave her short of cash? And how will our friendship survive if she says no - I'm so incredibly anxious about money and devastated about the previous pregnancy not working out and I sort of expect her to understand this - I keed thinking "Well, I'd do it for her..."..And although obviously the thing is, please God, to have a healthy baby I do just think its like a kick in the teeth to have worked in this place for 10 years and be out by 8 weeks for maternity pay... grrrr/arrggh!!! WWYD?

OP posts:
hatwoman · 10/01/2011 23:28

"Your employer must not treat fixed-term employees less favourably than permanent employees doing the same, or largely the same, job unless there is good reason to do so."

here

allnightlong · 10/01/2011 23:28

I'm not being nasty I'm pointing out a fact she has been there 10 years she knew the score but instead of dealing with the issue she is trying to make it her friends problem.

AnyFucker · 10/01/2011 23:29

thanks tsc, I was a trifle taken aback to be lumped in with classydiva's post since I pulled her up sharply on it myself

was going to ask Op to review my posts but my feelings are not important here

good luck with the baby, phonics x (and it wouldn't do any harm to get some independent advice, honestly)

repeated short term contracts are supposed to have been phased out of the NHS...your employer may be acting outside of their remit, truly

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 10/01/2011 23:34

she may know TSC but she hasn't mentioned it which is why i pointed out that it may not be the case that the woman still has 2 months of paid leave.

Original poster
phonicspusher · 10/01/2011 23:34

AnyFucker, I have reviewed your posts and you have said some helpfula nd kind things. I was upset by the "you're not listening/do you get that" as I am paying full attention and agonising.

OP posts:
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 10/01/2011 23:36

OP at what point of her mat leave will this woman be returning?

TheSecondComing · 10/01/2011 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
phonicspusher · 10/01/2011 23:37

7 months. she had holiday up til the day the baby was born.

OP posts:
nappydays · 10/01/2011 23:37

I don't think you are being unreasonable. You are not making it your friends problem as some suggest. You are not weeping on her and telling her to help you out. You are suggesting that you broach the subject and make it clear that you do not mind at all if she says no. Perhaps she is thinking that she doesn't quite want to go back yet, has not arranged childcare etc. many women do find they need extra time to get on their feet before returning to work. Or perhaps she is desperate to get back to earning. Either way, I don't know. Sitting down and giving her the option and not getting emotional or making a big deal about it seems reasonable. No, I cannot see how you will go to prison for giving your friend some money, either. The prisons are pretty full and why would they want to put a pregnant mother in one who has done nothing wrong?

AnyFucker · 10/01/2011 23:38

yes, phonics, that was blunt (typical of me, ges me into trouble all the time) but I did say I understood you were feeling desperate

however, I apologise for the tone I used at that point

hairyfairylights · 10/01/2011 23:40

This is a really really selfish thing to ask.

lovelyopaque · 10/01/2011 23:41

Unfortunately it's not just the money. Wild horses and extra cash could not have dragged me back sooner than I had planned - just could not face it. Your friend may be finding it hard to even think of returning. I would still take advice even if you think it is worthless. It's a big deal for you, and employment laws and things change all the time. Good luck.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 10/01/2011 23:42

i agree hairy. aside from teh financial aspect of it, this woman may feel under pressure from OP to cut short her time with her baby, especially as OP is a friend. i could never ask that of a friend and then enjoy my own full 9 months of mat leave.

wukter · 10/01/2011 23:46

No, OP wants her friend to delay returning to work.
I don't know about asking. Depends on what kind of woman the friend is, she may be perfectly happy to decide without the pressure of friendship swaying her.

I still say seek advice phonics. It's a complicated area there may be something you can do.

annh · 10/01/2011 23:46

Are the last few posters not getting confused? The Op is asking her friend to EXTEND her maternity leave, not cut it short and come back early?

lovelyopaque · 10/01/2011 23:47

Yes, I was sorry!

Northernlurker · 10/01/2011 23:47

If this woman wasn't your friend you wouldn't even be thinking about this. It wouldn't be an option. I think you have to take that view. Your contract finishes when it finishes and you will get maternity allowance and that's your situation. Your friend isn't obligated to change her circumstances - and going from ordinary mat leave to additional mat leave is a big change - just becuase you will be hard up. Better to spend your energy looking forward to your baby.

Original poster
phonicspusher · 10/01/2011 23:47

Thanks for all the thoughts, lots to mull over. It helps to see it from all points of view. Thank you for especially to those who have tried to see why this is sodifficult, esp lovely nappydays just there. And thanks TSC your cutting cloth comment puts things in the right perspective. Not so much to allnightlong, but I suppose you don't come on AIBU to get a neutral viewpoint...!And I do appreciate that some may feel that in considering doing this I am morally reprehensible, and to think this through is of course why I asked. I hope I will do the right thing, if there is one. Above all I desperately hope the baby is OK. I think/hope/trust it will all work out. Suppose I am just frustrated cos it could have all worked out just that little bit more comfortable.. but thems the breaks, lots worde off.

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 10/01/2011 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 10/01/2011 23:48

how did i get so confused between the start and end of thsi thread Confused

don't know what i was thinking there sorry.

usernamechanged345 · 10/01/2011 23:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

llareggub · 10/01/2011 23:52

Phonics, you are asking the wrong question. You should be seeking advice regarding your employment status. Have you been employed on successive, temporary contracts for 10 years with no breaks in service? It is your continuous service that gives you employment rights.

Come on, quit being so flippant and let us get your employment status clarified so that you can arm yourself with the facts to approach your Trust.

ilovecrisps · 10/01/2011 23:52

Thanks

The link to a case isn't suitable it is for contractors although interestingly if they are entitled to employment rights do they have to pay all the tax back Hmm

I did ask on here at the time flowery I think thought I did have some rights I decided I couldn't fight it without the support of my union and they refused (it was also hinted that I would never get another job with my employer again if I did Shock)

I will do some more digging

FWIW OP only you know your friend in my place I could do nothing more than moan that I wont get mat pay!!

Have you tried Unison? is that your union?

classydiva · 10/01/2011 23:54

It actually is not legal, you are no longer and have not been allowed to employ sub-contractors i.e contract workers within your employ continuously for more than three months for over 8 years.

If someone works exclusively for you and no one else, comes in when you say, leaves when you say you are deemed an employee with all the usual employee benefits of holiday pay etc.,

I would suggest the OP rings ACAS they will advise but am sure she falls within the above remit.

WhyHavePets · 10/01/2011 23:58

Phonics, I don't know you or your friend so i can only speak from the experience of my own relationships - for what help that can be.

If you are certain that your friend can get 9 months and she has only taken 7 then I don't think YABU to speak to her about your situation. You say that it is not a full pay situation so you need to keep in mind that she may well be struggling with the shortfall and need to return (i.e. make it very clear that you understand and accept this) but I am confident that, with my good friends, I could have this conversation openly and honestly and they would be confident that they could say "no" without the need to justify or feel awkward. If you enjoy this kind of relationship then I would say go for it.

Plan what you want to say and how you want to come across carefully with the knowledge you already have about her and your relationship with each other.

To those of you who are saying this is morally wrong, in principle I do agree however this is a place that has employed her constantly for 10 years on contract - thereby avoiding giving the benefits of an employed person. This is illegal and can only have been achieved through a loophole (as it is NHS I would guess this is a loophole that was designed into the legislation). The employers actions are far more morally reprehensable than what the op is proposing and I do see that a certain amoount of self preservation is required when faced with situations like this.