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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go ballistic at my irresponsible friend?

165 replies

TheSingingNun · 08/01/2011 23:15

My friend is normally a sensible mum of two, who occasionally leaves her two children (14 and 6) home alone while she pops to the shop, which I don't have a problem with.

However, recently she has started dating a man (who I suspect is a bit of a philanderer, but that's another story), and left the children the other day to meet him and have sex in his car Hmm. She said it didn't take as long as here usual trip to the supermarket, but that's not the point, surely?

I'm afraid I went ape at her, and now she has deleted me from her facebook. I wasn't being unreasonable, was I? It is not exactly great behaviour for a responsible parent.

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 08/01/2011 23:18

If the 14 yr old is sensible enough to look after the 6 year old, then she is sensible enough to look after the 6 year old.

If they are not ok to be left then they are not ok to be left, no matter how esential (or not) the errand.

pjmama · 08/01/2011 23:18

Lucky cow.

StewieGriffinsMom · 08/01/2011 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mutznutz · 08/01/2011 23:20

Is your problem with the fact she left her 6yr old in her 14yr old's care, or what she was doing during that time?

How long roughly did she leave the 14yr old to babysit?

Spenguin · 08/01/2011 23:20

Tough call.

On one hand, what's the difference between her popping out for a rough and tumble in the hay and her e.g. having it off with a hypothetical husband upstairs?

Then again, choosing a new guy over your kids is reeeeeeeeeee-dic.

However, I was left alone with my siblings at those ages and I only accidentally phoned the police the once. Grin

Also, what kind of a friend is she for pathetically deleting you on FB over you showing concern for her flesh and blood? Sod it. Her problem. She's probably got the hump because she feels ashamed of her own actions - and so she should.

In sum, I would have thought the same as you. Yet, it's always the classic thing of 'her kids, her life' blah blah blah. Unless the kids were probable to hurt themselves, you probably shouldn't have gone ape...cheeky comment, covered, loosely, with a joke may have been better?

Pesha · 08/01/2011 23:20

YABU - Either her 14 yo is capable of looking after her 6 yo or they're not. The reason for her leaving them shouldn't be relevant. If her children are safe then why shouldn't she go get laid if thats what she wants to do?!

Don't think its unusual for 14yos to be left to babysit is it?

Original poster
TheSingingNun · 08/01/2011 23:20

It's hardly a necessary errand though, is it?

OP posts:
Chynah · 08/01/2011 23:21

YABU it's her business what she does in her private life (however unsavoury you may find it). She left her 14 & 6 year old alone is another matter but as you said you don't have a problem with that as long as it is for a reason you feel is acceptable (ie shops).

PonceyMcPonce · 08/01/2011 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PolythenePam · 08/01/2011 23:21

YAB totally U!!

Not only is the 14 year old well old enough to look after the 6 year old, but it's none of your damn business!

Janos · 08/01/2011 23:21

Bloody hell, no YANBU.

QueenOfFlamingEverything · 08/01/2011 23:21

14 is plenty old enough to look after a 6yr old for a couple of hours IMO. So YABU for thinking she is irresponsible for leaving them.

But I suspect that's not actually the issue and your real beef is what she was doing in those couple of hours.

So I also think YABU for making moral judgements on her sex life.

LoopyLoopsIsNoLongerFestive · 08/01/2011 23:22

YABU.

Original poster
TheSingingNun · 08/01/2011 23:22

It is tacky, yes. Unedifying is another word for it.

OP posts:
mutznutz · 08/01/2011 23:22

Why should she feel ashamed of having sex with her BF?

And why should it be a 'necessary errand'? If the 14yr old is responsible enough to babysit...then that's that no?

QueenOfFlamingEverything · 08/01/2011 23:22

Going out for a couple of hours to have a shag is hardly 'choosing your new bloke over your kids' though, is it.

Jeez.

InaraSerra · 08/01/2011 23:23

A responsible 14yr old is quite capable of looking after a 6 yr old. My 15yr old DD babysits our 4 yr old DS, including for several hours in the evening. Would you have gone ape with her if she'd left her 14yr old babysitting to go to the supermarket? YABU

StewieGriffinsMom · 08/01/2011 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueenOfFlamingEverything · 08/01/2011 23:23

PMSL @ 'unedifying'

So?

bellavita · 08/01/2011 23:23

I think it is just the fact she is popping out for sex rather than a pint of milk...

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 08/01/2011 23:23

YABU

if it is safe to leave them for the supermarket it is safe to leave them to have sex.

are you jealous?

Casmama · 08/01/2011 23:23

I agree with Trillian, it is either ok to leave the kids or it is not. Your personal view of having sex in a car is not relevant and "to go ballistic" when it actually has nothing to do with you is out of order - you have the right to an opinion but not to force it on her. I think you should apologise for being judgemental and rude and presumptious enough to think that you have the right to tell her off.
(I have to say I find the idea of sex in the car a bit nasty myself though.)

coldtits · 08/01/2011 23:24

YABU.

14 is plenty old enough to care for a 6 year old for a couple of hours and whether she was debating hoummous over taramasalata or taking it hard from an illiterate builder is NOT RELEVANT to the outcome of her children.

mutznutz · 08/01/2011 23:24

Irresponsible in my opinion would be taking the man to her bedroom and having noisy sex with him whilst the children sat downstairs Hmm

PolythenePam · 08/01/2011 23:24

Sorry I have to say it again.
Keep your beak out! it's her life, her kids, and you don't get a say ok?

How rude you are.

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