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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go ballistic at my irresponsible friend?

165 replies

TheSingingNun · 08/01/2011 23:15

My friend is normally a sensible mum of two, who occasionally leaves her two children (14 and 6) home alone while she pops to the shop, which I don't have a problem with.

However, recently she has started dating a man (who I suspect is a bit of a philanderer, but that's another story), and left the children the other day to meet him and have sex in his car Hmm. She said it didn't take as long as here usual trip to the supermarket, but that's not the point, surely?

I'm afraid I went ape at her, and now she has deleted me from her facebook. I wasn't being unreasonable, was I? It is not exactly great behaviour for a responsible parent.

OP posts:
cerealqueen · 08/01/2011 23:45

Which bit are you judging her for - leaving her children or having sex in a car, just because it sounds like you'd do neither?
I have been dreadfully judgemental about friends, its my worst trait. I'd judge them by what I would not do. I'm learning not to!
Its really none of your business, apologise, bite your tongue next time. Next time it might be you in that car Grin.

Spenguin · 08/01/2011 23:45

Let's call it what it is - if she's fucking a married man, then hell yes, I feel sorry for her kids because their mother is a total whore.

Sorry. Low opinion of adultery!

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 08/01/2011 23:46

i agree silent. god forbid a child is aware that it's mother is a real person with real feelings and sexual desires. we have all heard our parents shag.

troisgarcons · 08/01/2011 23:46

TrillianAstra Sat 08-Jan-11 23:27:02
What do you think is going to happen in a half-hour's shagging that wouldn't happen in a half-hour's shopping?

Well, you dont get sticky knickers in waitrose

Original poster
TheSingingNun · 08/01/2011 23:47

She hasn't said as much, but she has been rather vague and hasn't denied it. I just know her so well, and I know she is hiding something when she says he isn't really available for a serious relationship.

I am a bit worried for her, to be honest- she hasn't got the best track record when it comes to men. Her last boyfriend was a terrible bore who just used her to whinge at and babysit his own kids. I think she does have low self-esteem, yes. I certainly think she is worth more than a bunk up in a range rover.

OP posts:
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 08/01/2011 23:47

speguin, the OP's friend wouldn't be commiting adultery. it would be the married man. she wouldn't be a whore either. Hmm

hatesponge · 08/01/2011 23:47

I don't think the fact the man is married makes it any more unreasonable (after all he's the married one not her) but it could explain why they're having to make do with a quickie in a car....

PixieOnaLeaf · 08/01/2011 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TrillianAstra · 08/01/2011 23:47

Depends how much you love your falafel and qualis' eggs troisgarcons :o

Spenguin · 08/01/2011 23:47

Pixie - but it still has a role in the OP's actual question. It makes a moral issue of what the mother did, which in turn colours the reasonability of it all. Well, to me anyway!

PolythenePam · 08/01/2011 23:48

What Silentbob just said too.

bellavita · 08/01/2011 23:48

ILoveit, that is a bit bloody harsh.

charliesmommy · 08/01/2011 23:48

Is it your husband she is shagging?

If not, then I dont see what any of it is to do with you really.

Have you thought she might actually enjoy nipping out for a quickie in the ranger rover?

RumourOfAHurricane · 08/01/2011 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mutznutz · 08/01/2011 23:48

Silent When I said that I meant as it's a new relationship I think it's more responsible not to bring a strange man (strange to the kids if they've not been introduced) home for sex and to ask the 14yr old to babysit the 6yr old whilst she took the strange man upstairs.

I think a lot of children can become 'damaged' in a way if they're not sure what stranger they're going to meet on the landing during the night if that makes sense Smile

maryz · 08/01/2011 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spenguin · 08/01/2011 23:50

But the friend is an accomplice to it. Yes, the man is worse, but she would have shown knowledge and intent. At the very best she was 'reckless' as to her behaviour - ergo, irresponsible in another vein...but that's opening a can of worms.

'Whore' was meant in the colloquial way.

saffy85 · 08/01/2011 23:50

"Let's call it what it is - if she's fucking a married man, then hell yes, I feel sorry for her kids because their mother is a total whore. "

Unless money is changing hands for the act itself the OP's friend is not a prostitute. Who knows if he's a married man- maybe he just likes casual sex in cars but if he is, he is the adulterer not this woman.

Vallhala · 08/01/2011 23:50

If he's married it's got sod all to do with you unless you're his wife - and even then it could be argued that no one person owns another.

WRT the children, I don't agree with a 14 yo looking after a 6 yo, purely because it's not the 14 yo's responsibility to. If she were being rewarded for it in some way and assuming she is capable of the task - and as a mother of a similar aged girls I can't see why the average 14 yo wouldn't be - then what the mother is doing during that time is irrelevant.

And again, nothing to do with you.

If you took the attitude with me that you have with your so-called friend, you'd be more than de-friended on FB, you'd be told to fuck off to your face!

mutznutz · 08/01/2011 23:51

Well, you dont get sticky knickers in waitrose

I beg to differ...they had two for the price of one on PG Tips last week Blush

cerealqueen · 08/01/2011 23:52

Maybe they both just enjoy sex in a car.

mutznutz · 08/01/2011 23:53

I love sex in the car Grin

Spenguin · 08/01/2011 23:53

mutznutz - LOL! BOGOF on frozen yoghurt today!

mutznutz · 08/01/2011 23:53

....mind you the taxi driver can be a miserable git at times...

Vallhala · 08/01/2011 23:53

And why, oh why is a woman who is having a relationship with a married man always accused of having self esteem issues?

Sometimes it's quite the opposite.