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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go ballistic at my irresponsible friend?

165 replies

TheSingingNun · 08/01/2011 23:15

My friend is normally a sensible mum of two, who occasionally leaves her two children (14 and 6) home alone while she pops to the shop, which I don't have a problem with.

However, recently she has started dating a man (who I suspect is a bit of a philanderer, but that's another story), and left the children the other day to meet him and have sex in his car Hmm. She said it didn't take as long as here usual trip to the supermarket, but that's not the point, surely?

I'm afraid I went ape at her, and now she has deleted me from her facebook. I wasn't being unreasonable, was I? It is not exactly great behaviour for a responsible parent.

OP posts:
Chynah · 08/01/2011 23:38

There is no legal age to leave children alone (DirectGov) or to Babysit although the NSPCC recommends not under 16.

StewieGriffinsMom · 08/01/2011 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PolythenePam · 08/01/2011 23:38

Is she looking for your approval like?

You need to apologise and refrain from commenting any further mate.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 08/01/2011 23:39

and is it always emergency shopping and why can't she take the dcs if they aren't really safe in your opinion?

mutznutz · 08/01/2011 23:39

So you all think I'm being unreasonable then? What do I do now? I am prepared to apologise, but I can't say that I approve of how she is behaviour, because I just don't

Stay out of her life and stop being so judgemental. She doesn't need so called 'friends' like you imo.

FabbyChic · 08/01/2011 23:39

Im sure I read somewhere and not on a forum sitters have to be 16 and no child under 16 should be left responsible for a 6year old, no matter what the circumstances, shagging or shopping!

hatesponge · 08/01/2011 23:39

YAB a little U.

In principle, if it's ok to leave the elder child in charge of the younger for a couple of hours, then that's the case irrespective of what your friend is doing in those two hours.

You are entitled to an opinion, and clearly you don't approve of what she was doing - and that of itself is not unreasonable - but going off the deep end with her was. She probably felt attacked and deleted you as a knee-jerk response.

FWIW as a single parent myself, I wouldn't be leaving my children at home to go and shag some bloke in his car, all seems a bit teenage and icky. Would rather leave it to the weekend and take my time, but that's just me :)

Original poster
TheSingingNun · 08/01/2011 23:39

I find it hard to believe that so many of you are being so blasé about a mother seeing a married man (which I am almost sure he is btw). It is not what I've seen on mumsnet normally.

OP posts:
saffy85 · 08/01/2011 23:39

She's only getting half an hour a time? In the back of a car? Rough deal. And you reckon the guy is married? If you were a good friend maybe you should have discussed whether your friend has self esteem issues. Nothing wrong with a fuck buddy but she doesn't sound like she's getting a great deal imo.

StewieGriffinsMom · 08/01/2011 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabbyChic · 08/01/2011 23:40

Id rather a friend who told me when I was being ridiculous as opposed to one who kissed my ass just because that is what mnetters thought she should do.

maryz · 08/01/2011 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chynah · 08/01/2011 23:40

Don't think she needs your approval and real friends accept that their may be some things their FRIENDS may do which they don't always like.

PixieOnaLeaf · 08/01/2011 23:41

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LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake · 08/01/2011 23:41

How about you have a real think about WHY you don't approve ?

If you accept that it's the same half hour whatever she is doing then have a think what your irrational judgement is about.

I think your desire to apologise is great but it would be better to work out why you're reacting so strongly.

Then at least you can have a meaningful conversation with her about it.

mutznutz · 08/01/2011 23:41

Being almost sure he's married isn't quite the same thing is it? Wink

StewieGriffinsMom · 08/01/2011 23:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hatesponge · 08/01/2011 23:42

I think if you want to remain friends, you can apologise for how you reacted - you don't always have to agree with how friends live their lives (I know I don'yt always with mine) but at the same time you have to respect their choices, if that makes sense.

She may of course not want to accept your apology. If thats the case then you'll need to let it go I'm afraid.

Spenguin · 08/01/2011 23:42

Saffy85 - great post!

Not to stir, but it would be interesting to see if/how the responses differed if the situation was transplanted into real life i.e. Respondent X said YANBU and 'so what if he's married' but then it turned out that X was the wife...

hatesponge · 08/01/2011 23:43

don't

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 08/01/2011 23:43

what exactly don't you approve of?

if it is the fact you think this man is married then you are stil BU because you are only guessing. you need to have facts before you can even judge her for that.

RumourOfAHurricane · 08/01/2011 23:44

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PixieOnaLeaf · 08/01/2011 23:44

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SilentBob · 08/01/2011 23:44

I agree with Trillian.

As an aside, IMO sex is not something dirty or shameful or wrong. Other people who have opined that they think the friend having sex in the same house as the children would be more irresponsible than her at least having the decency to do the smutty deed away from them have made me smile in amazement almost as much as the OP. It's sex, people, just sex.

mutznutz · 08/01/2011 23:45

Even if he's married (and believe me I have strong views on adultry) he is the one who made the vows to his wife.