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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be resentful of DH leaving me alone with DC'S on Saturday afternoon

122 replies

redshinyshoes · 08/01/2011 17:05

Can I just say that is not that I don't enjoy being with my DC'S (dd 5, ds 2, ds 1 month) but DS2 is 1 month old and colicky, DS has just hit terrible two's so I am finding parenting v hard work at the moment and find it hard to cope with all three DC'S on my own.
DH has joined a kickboxing class, he goes once a week for 2 hours and today has joined the saturday afternoon class too. Weeknight is fine by me but I have a problem with the Saturday afternoon class, AIBU?

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 08/01/2011 17:07

I think if he works then he should be spending some quality time at home with his family, or at least giving you some time off from being just a Mum 24/7.

FabbyChic · 08/01/2011 17:07

When do YOU get to go out of the house without children?

jamaisjedors · 08/01/2011 17:07

Find yourself an equivalent class.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 08/01/2011 17:07

i think with a 1 month old baby it was a bit unreasonable of him to be taking up new hobbies. but did you tell him that you weren't happy with it?, although TBH i think he should really know that it's a bit selfish.

yama · 08/01/2011 17:07

YANBU

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 08/01/2011 17:08

jamais, with a 1 month old baby, i imagine OP just about has the energy to get dressed everyday, how about he stayed at home and let her sleep?

Original poster

redshinyshoes · 08/01/2011 17:08

I don't get out the house, I guess that is part of the reason I'm resentful!

OP posts:

PussinJimmyChoos · 08/01/2011 17:10

This is what makes me laugh with some men - they are not happy to just get out of the house for some 'me' time for a couple of hours a week, they always seem to want to add to it

I'd bloody love two hours doing something just for me every two weeks, let alone every week!

Original poster

redshinyshoes · 08/01/2011 17:10

and breastfeeding on the hour, can't really take anything up at the moment!

OP posts:

mutznutz · 08/01/2011 17:11

You're not being unreasonable. If he commits to this class, that's all your Saturdays out the window really isn't it?

Sassybeast · 08/01/2011 17:11

He is being completely selfish and if you show him this thread, perhaps he might get the message ? Weeknights fine - Saturday afternoons with a new baby and a 2 year old are not. I hope he shpaes up to give you a bit of support/sleep/help.

Original poster

redshinyshoes · 08/01/2011 17:12

Exactly!

OP posts:

sunchild77 · 08/01/2011 17:12

YANBU

Mine are 5 and 3 and I get resentful if DH wants to do anything on his own at the weekend!! (ok I might be a bit unreasonable) But Im at home full time with both of them, He works full time mon-fri 8am-7pm inc commute, and I hardly ever get a break to do something on my own

I suggest you ask him what he is going to do to give you some free time on a regular basis.

Good luck!

IAmReallyFabNow · 08/01/2011 17:12

YANBU.

Do you get the same amount of free time?

JamieLeeCurtis · 08/01/2011 17:12

I don't blame you for feeling this is not fair. It's very hard when you have had the (young) children all week to then have sole care at the weekend, even for a few hours. I know I felt like this.

Do you get any time completely to yourself at the weekend? If not - take some.

Does your DH do his fair share of parenting and household stuff, during the week and at weekends? I really hope so.

If you are really struggling you need to tell your DH this, and negotiate what you need to make things easier

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 08/01/2011 17:13

redshinyshoes, i think you need to talk to him this evening. after dinner when older dcs are in bed, just tell him the saturday afternoon isn't working for you, he is already getting out of the house during the week for his class so he needs to compromise and make think of what you need right now. tell him it isn't forever, but that just right now, you need him at home on a saturday afternoon, either so you can sleep or so that you can get a bit of a break out of the house yourself.

CommanderDrool · 08/01/2011 17:15

I am a football widow.

I firmly believe that parents should have interests outside the home. Dp watches and plays football one afternoon at the weekend and two weeknights when a game is on.

I retaliated by doing an exercise class Sat morning and once a weeknight.

Your baby is very young andi know there were times wheni had three under 5, I made him stay at home asi badly needed help.

Maybe some give and take is in order - make him agree that if you are struggling he won't go, but also make him agree that you have some time out as soon as you are able.

CommanderDrool · 08/01/2011 17:17

I really don't think it is unreasonable. I'm surprised so many of you think it is.!

FabbyChic · 08/01/2011 17:17

I think he is selfish, you should have you time at the weekends, you are still you, you are not just a mother. YOu should be able to go out Saturday afternoons shopping alone, to the gym, hairdressers, whatever you choose.

He should not be out classing it when you been doing all the child care all week. It is real selfish.

Orissiah · 08/01/2011 17:19

When my DD was a small baby, my DH basically put his own free time on hold so that we could be a family together in the weekends and that he could give me time off at weekends. I thought this perfectly reasonable. As DD got older we both have more leisure time now (since DD passed 12 months).

Your DH is being unreasonable and unsupportive. He should put his Saturday class on hold until you no longer need him so much.

Clary · 08/01/2011 17:19

I am a footie widow too, DH goes every Saturday in season to watch his team and some Tuesday pms too.

Maybe it's a bit different from the Op's situation tho as this was so when I met him and tbh I wouldn't want to change it. He has always been super hands-on otherwise with the kids even when they were little (went down to 4 days a week when DS1 was born etc).

Means I get Saturday to do what I want with them so it's fine. And I am out often and often in the week now at meetings, evening classes etc (sorry OP my DCs are a lot older than yours - you have my sympathy with a 1mo and a 2yo).

I thin interests outside the home a a very good thing for parents - OP now you have a strong negotiating position to sort sthg out for yourself in a few months' time.

JamieLeeCurtis · 08/01/2011 17:21

But she needs help now - it shouldn't be about "negotiating positions".

JamieLeeCurtis · 08/01/2011 17:22

Clary - I think you've hit on something. I think it's the fact that this a new thing that he has started, without thinking about the implications for his DW

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 08/01/2011 17:22

orissiah, i am starting to think your DH is the perfect man following this and the other thread you mentioned him on

CommanderDrool · 08/01/2011 17:23

He is at work all week (I assume) why does being at home with kids trump that?

I think there needs to be give and take. Can you negotiate a morning yo yourself op? Even if you have to take baby out in the pram?

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