To be resentful of DH leaving me alone with DC'S on Saturday afternoon

[redshinyshoes]

Can I just say that is not that I don't enjoy being with my DC'S (dd 5, ds 2, ds 1 month) but DS2 is 1 month old and colicky, DS has just hit terrible two's so I am finding parenting v hard work at the moment and find it hard to cope with all three DC'S on my own.
DH has joined a kickboxing class, he goes once a week for 2 hours and today has joined the saturday afternoon class too. Weeknight is fine by me but I have a problem with the Saturday afternoon class, AIBU?

It's better than golf - DH is out from 8 - 2.30 every Saturday, the excuse being it's while DD2 is at dancing. She's there from 9 - 11.30

It's better now that DD3 is 3, we can at least do something (and now she's 3 if I'm really fagged off I can stick them in the crèche at the gym after dance for an hour or so while I go for a swim or use the sauna :) )

In your case, I'd ask if he could not do Saturdays unttil youngest is about 3 months, hopefully then he'll be more "predictable" and a couple of hours won't be so bad IF DH then agrees to take them out for a walk/to a park or let's you go out on s Sunday so you know you gave am equivalent time to look forward to.

Commander Drool - because he is at work for maybe 10 hours a day, whereas the OP will be on-call for maybe 24 hours a day, if she is breastfeeding.

And because when he is at work, he will be able to go for a crap on his own

Yy it is the fact that it is a new thing is annoying, the more I think about it.

Op maybe you could ask him to wait until the summer ( and find yourself something nice to do too )

commander, when he leaves work he gets to forget all about it over the weekend. OP doesn't get a break from the house or the dcs. and no, taking the baby out isn't a break, she still has to be responsible for it. when he is out kickboxing he doesn't have to worry about winding or choking or if she's too cold or hot or nappy changing etc.

YANBU.

He needs to put the hobby on hold till the baby gets old enough so you can both have equivalent time off.

CommanderDrool - I think that you are missing the point. This is not about long term, negotiating for the future. this is about pulling together when there is a one month old breast fed baby and a challenging 2 year old to deal with, not to mention (based on my own experiences) a slightly side lined older child.
Fine for hubby to sign up for Saturday stuff when the fog of new baby sleep deprivation has passed and the OP has had a say in the matter.

You are def not being unreasonable.

But I can see his side of things. If you are exclusively bf every hour then it is impossible for him to look after all three and give you a complete break. He probably figures - why not use the time whilst you have to be at home with the youngest anyway.

But it's not fair for you to have no rest time and there should be some time at the weekend when he takes out the older two for an afternoon. IME, looking after a new baby is much harder with 2 older ones at home.

I have just returned to work after maternity kleave for dd3. My DH is a SAHD and I would not dream of doing this. In fact, I feel so guilty about DH looking after the kids all week every single moment of mine spent away from work is to look after the kids.

I think you need to talk but word of caution...I found it very difficult to talk without arguing wheh I was in my first few mths postnatal as the sleep deprivation and hormones just take over. Good luch x

Show him this thread - assuming it does not get too nasty

Yes, that is another answer Lenin - friend of mine had a "mother's help" when she had three little ones. But that was during the week. Surely it shouldn't have to come to this at the weekend (although having to shell out for childcare might be a persuasive argument)

Yet another example of a man thinking they can just do whatever they like and just assuming the woman will provide 24/7 childcare.

As soon as you're able to leave baby for longer, I would start organising some activities for yourself and leave him home with the kids.

"I think there needs to be give and take. Can you negotiate a morning yo yourself op? Even if you have to take baby out in the pram?"

Er, having the baby with you is not having time to yourself. It is just a different location.

YANBU and TBH I would rip his balls off.

Yes, he is working 9-5 but if the OP is breastfeeding a newborn she is on call 24hrs a day.

Well as I said, she should ask him to put off his class for a few months and then plan for some time off fir herself.

I've been through this myself with three children under 5 and time to be yourself is incredibly important for both parents as it can be so overwhelming.

Alsoi found pushing one baby round the shops and readi g the paper in a cafe a bloody holiday compared with looking after the two year old and 4 year old!

i agree jamie. not sure OP should have to outsource weekend childcare when her DH is totally capable. he isn't losing income and he isn't giving up hi hobby completely by staying at home on a saturday afternoon. he can still do his weeknights at the class.

Aye, jamie lee, maybe it is the fact that it is a new thing at a very bad time by the sound of it.

I do think it's odd that so many people think it's unreasonable tho.

sunchild's Dh for example, either works very long hours (like, 50 a week) or has a long commute (like, an hour each way).

Compared to either of those, looking after a 5yo and a 3yo doesn't sound so bad, does it?

I have been a SAHM - I loved it but it was hardly as hard as being at work 10 hours a day.

yy Lenin - I do agree the working parent needs time off. Me and DH did have words because he'd find it hard (especially when he wasn't enjoying his job) to come home and have me practically throw the DCs at him, but I do think it's too early for him to have done this, especially without discussing it first.

I was cracking up at one point (SAHM) and told my DH I either got a few hours to myself every Saturday, or I was leaving!

Heck no YANBU, in the future you can both take up classes, but with a tiny baby? That's really unfair.

YANBU. Christ, I've been grumpy all day because I let DH have a lie-in (my turn tomorrow) and he's been decorating our house all day. A full weekend day of parenting on my own after a week of 24/7 parenting? It pissed me off even though my DH was doing perfectly reasonable activities. If he'd signed up to a class, I wouldn't be cooking pizza right now, I'd be serving his balls on a platter.

I agree with Clary.

Clary - I think it very much depends on the age of the children, the job of the WOHP, and whether they enjoy it, and complicating factors like PND.

I have been a SAHM for 10 years now, have found it relatively easy for the last few years, but very hard at other times. Baby+toddler = very hard, IME

LOL CD, I think we are lone voices here!

Sorry OP, it is hard for me to remember those days as my youngets is 7. Let me assure you there is a great gleaming light at the end of your tunnel (in about 2-3 yrs' time!)

yes i think his timing is what is off here. i don't think it at all unreasonable that he has a hobby out of the house a few times a week, but this soon after the birth of a baby, i think it is maybe unthinking of him. as i said, OP can just tell him it isn't working for her right now, but that it won't be forever. and 3 or 4 months will fly in. i don't think it is a very big ask for him to wait a few months before he does the saturday thing.