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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be resentful of DH leaving me alone with DC'S on Saturday afternoon

122 replies

redshinyshoes · 08/01/2011 17:05

Can I just say that is not that I don't enjoy being with my DC'S (dd 5, ds 2, ds 1 month) but DS2 is 1 month old and colicky, DS has just hit terrible two's so I am finding parenting v hard work at the moment and find it hard to cope with all three DC'S on my own.
DH has joined a kickboxing class, he goes once a week for 2 hours and today has joined the saturday afternoon class too. Weeknight is fine by me but I have a problem with the Saturday afternoon class, AIBU?

OP posts:
LeninGrad · 08/01/2011 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 08/01/2011 18:12

d she doesn't get out of the house to work all week like you do, therefore getting a rest from your DD and the same 4 walls.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 08/01/2011 18:14

YANBU

He needs to be supporting you right now. Is there any chance he could look round for a second weekday night class for in a few months time though which will keep weekends free.

pointydog · 08/01/2011 18:15

Having to work is very different to pissing about kickboxing or golfing.

And having three small children including a newborn is very different to having one.

JamieLeeCurtis · 08/01/2011 18:19

deliakate - sounds rough on you

Original poster
redshinyshoes · 08/01/2011 18:21

I have just shown him this thread and he has agreed that he will only go on the week night, he admitted he thought it wouldn't really be an issue but was more than happy not to go if it was, thanks women of mumsnet!

OP posts:
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 08/01/2011 18:22

yay. happy resolution!!

JamieLeeCurtis · 08/01/2011 18:22

Good outcome OP.

deliakate · 08/01/2011 18:23

I showed my DH, and he just said "I hate mumsnet". Arrr

pointydog · 08/01/2011 18:24

Good on your dh, reading through these sort of comments Grin

JamieLeeCurtis · 08/01/2011 18:25

delia - want us to duff him up ?

deliakate · 08/01/2011 18:27

Please - you could ambush him at 7:30 tomorrow as he drives to the golf course for the "tournament and luncheon" day

undercovamutha · 08/01/2011 18:29

OP - your DH doesn't have great timing. I do think that for the first weeks with a newborn, it should be all hands on decks IYSWIM.

However, generally I think it depends on what happens for the rest of the weekend.

I personally don't see why the WHOLE of the weekend has to be family time. My DH usually spends an afternoon every weekend doing his hobby, and I spend a morning doing mine (window shopping and tea drinking!). This enables both of us to have time alone with the DCs which I think is important, allows both of us a short respite from being constantly 'on call', and still leaves more then half the weekend for family time.

JamieLeeCurtis · 08/01/2011 18:29

I'll sabotage his woods or something. Slash his plus-fours

MsKLo · 08/01/2011 18:37

You are not at all unreasonable

Selfish selfish selfish of him

He needs to spend it with you all and you need a break too or to all go out together

Original poster
redshinyshoes · 08/01/2011 18:39

deliakate Ha! My DH hates mumsnet too, usually hates it when I bring 'mumsnet' chat up, especially AIBU threads...

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 08/01/2011 18:44

Im not saying the whole weekend should be family time, but when does the woman get time to do something other than be a mother, a cleaner, a cook etc.,

Women should be able to be something on the weekend other than just a mum.

Women should still be able to maintain their identities and not lose sight of who they are/were before they had children.

You don't just drop a kid and lose your sense of self.

It's wrong, and that is why I myself worked instead of being a SAHM. Because it made me feel normal and not just someone who pushed a buggy and changed shitty nappies.

deliakate · 08/01/2011 18:50

Excellent result though rss!

Clary · 08/01/2011 18:52

expat I may have forgotten, but when I was a SAHM I had three under 4 at first and DS1 only went to school just before I went back to work.

DS1 was at nursery but then someone with a 5 and 3yo would one at school and one at nursery, probably.

I still found it a lot easier than working all day then doing housework in the evening.

JMO of course. BTW no-one in my house has ever "pulled that 'I work' crap" either; but I know how I found it.

One or two nasty posts on here Hmm

Anyway OP glad you have found a good resolution! Smile

lady007pink · 08/01/2011 19:11

Aw, OP, I'm pleased you're sorted and your husband is not the ogre we thought he was.

I was a SAHM for 2 years and I prefer working. OK, it's stressful and has me tearing my hair out sometimes but I love it, it's a doddle compared to being a SAHM!

CommanderDrool · 08/01/2011 19:22

I agree Clary.I am a SAHM at the moment buti am conscious that DP works hard through the week and has the stress if being sole breadwinner. He needs a release and frankly has always been a season ticket holder even before kids. It's time he spends with his dad and brother and although it's tough on me sometimesi think our relationship benefits.

It also means that when I want to go shopping / running/studying or even away for a week for OU summer school, he can't really say no!

OP I have three and my youngest is now 18 months. Things will improve drastically in a few months and when lo starts walking they will all play together and it's great!

foxinsocks · 08/01/2011 19:43

I don't think 2 hours on a weekend is that much for someone to ask tbh. Presumably you could have negotiated a lie in on a Sunday or something like that?

I would feel extremely resentful, having worked all week, to be told I wasn't allowed 2 measly hours. Best thing to do in these circumstances is to make sure you get a similar deal (even if it means he takes out the older ones and leaves you with the bf one!).

fallot · 08/01/2011 20:31

To OP's DH

Good for you for listening and understanding.

Things will get better ( I have 3 under 5 too and work full time!)

lots of love x

SantosLHalper · 08/01/2011 20:48

So are we really saying he shouldn't have a hobby? Seriously? Both parents should have, and support each other to have, time out away from home doing something they enjoy. Its about retaining some sense of self.

spidookly · 08/01/2011 20:57

He can have any number of hobbies. Just not one that forces his wife to do an extra day's work a week.

If your sense of self relies on doing a martial arts class on a Saturday afternoon you have psychological problems that mean you probably shouldn't be around children.