to be pissed off that DH told me infront of inlaws to go back to work?

[kanchan]

Spent New Years with inlaws.....conversation turned to work and DH started going on about how I should get back to work now the kids are all at school. I stated the obvious.....kids are all under 9, who would take/pick up from school, what about when they're ill and also I don't want the stress of it all now. He suggested I could do some work from home seeing as I must have so much free time on my hands....anyone else feel so unappreciated?

Love it 1234 - although cannot wait to see what replies your post is going to get.

The point is that the op's dh wants her to work. Time for discussion methinks.

I think I am giving my children a good message in life. My DH and I are playing to our strengths, in order to provide all the things that our children need. He can earn more money than me in his chosen career and he doesn't want to be a SAHD, therefore he goes out to work. When he is not at work he is with me and our DC .

I want to be at home with my DC and believe it benefits them, therefore I am a SAHM.

I don't think anything is perfect. All our choices have their ups and downs. I don't see it as necessary for DH and I to be doing exactly the same thing. So long as the money gets earned and the DC get looked after, how we do that is not really important

Violethill - are you a headmistress by any chance?

Sorry I realise the ops sitation is different, but I guess it makes me cross that some people are so judgemental about Sahm's. The minute your youngest starts school people start asking you when your going to start work. You are made to feel that you're taking the piss. In the ops case I see why she's fed up, aside from the obvious point ofmnot discussing it in front of the pils.

Should op return to work if she doesn't want to?
Will her dh take on 50% of the childcare?
Will her dh take on 50% of the organization ofnthe dc's, packed lunches, play dates, sports kits on certain days, arranging holiday clubs etc?
Will the OP's job be compromised more than her dh's?
Will the Op be expected to take a job lower in status/pay etc than she had pre dc's.?

It works both ways. Working mums have had it implied they aren't thinking whats best for their children, not 'bringing their kids up' missing out etc.
But yes OP why SHOULD you work? Equally why SHOULD your DH? When you discussed kids did you both agree thats it he would be the sole provider forever more? People manage with childcare, after school clubs etc or jobs that have shifts available. You may not need the money but I really cant help but think SAHMs with no kids to stay at home with (in school) are bloody lazy buggers sorry!

To the OP:

Tell your husband to be careful for what he wish and here is a cautionary tale for him.

Your scenerio happened to me during Christmas Lunch in 2008, with my MIL adding, "any job will do, even road sweeping." My MIL did get the 'shut-up' look from my SIL and FIL so I let it be.

Well, I did get a job in 2009 and have done well out of it - I certainly don't want to stop.

On Boxing Day 2010, someone asked my husband (in a more or less drunken way) "what's your biggest regret?"

My husband - who was completely sober -replied, "asking new2cm to go back to work. Life was better when she was at home."

What I suspect my husband meant was that he prefered (and misses) the days when I did all the childcare and housework, cooking and cleaning, and was basically at his beck and call. Unfortunately for him, I rather like my paid work and everytime he hints at me to give it up, I remind him of his comment at Christmas Lunch 2008.

Rofl

If men could push dcs out of such a small hole, then I think we could have the discussion about 'why should the dh work?'

Lol - animation . Think she's a workaholic! have kids then dare to ever be at home with them. I dare you ?
Karma- you talk sense ! Real sense!

I think why does it matter whether your working mum or staying at home. Whatever peoples choices are and what works for the family is best for them. I see benefits in staying at home or working for children . No need to come on here being self righteous about what you choose and telling others there way is wrong ! If working works for you great if it doesn't great. No right or wrong way to bring up your family as long as they always have the love and support.

Oh purrrlease- stretching your foof to the size of a melon renders you incapable of working? God knows how I manage it FULL TIME with a CHILD!

THis packed lunch/play date thing that takes so much organising - my older dcs make their own and have done for years. I would make them if they wanted as two packed lunches takes less than five minutes - but they can do so themselves. And playdates - really do they take hours to organise? If they do and if picking up and collecting takes too long then you just need to learn to say NO!

Back to the original point. He was out of order to raise it in the way he did BUT if he is not happy, then you have to at least consider the options. He does not have the option to take a break from work does he? Maybe he would like to? I would not suggest that you suddenly work FT, but if you could work for a couple of days, holiday cover and illness and after school would be less of a problem. BTW most dc love after school club as it's play time with friends. In the long term it would start t prepare you for when your children leave home, it might force your DH to do more in the house/with the dc, and show the dc great family teamwork. You can't just dismiss his unhappiness though.

Gemsy - I was being lighthearted and no - it simply means that IMO, women have more of a right to stay at home to look after the dcs. That is purely my opinion.

My dh would cack it up left, right and centre if he stayed at home and actually did what I do - that doesn't mean him sitting on his butt, watching Simpson re-runs.

Nope not a workaholic either, just someone who enjoys being with my kids and working. Theres a lot of us about you know! In fact most adults lol

So all I can say is why don't you judges spend more time worrying about your own family than criticising peoples choices.

This is about the OP. look, your dh is not happy.

Adult lol if you say so.

Yes, most adults are parents and work. Scary ain't it lol

But the OP's Dh is not happy. Surely that's not in dispute.

Agree with Violethill. I'm not a workaholic but I like work and I like the independence it gives me. Nothing more rewarding than responding to MIL "well extravagant is OK because I was extravagant with my own money" if anyone thinks a 59 quid pair of trousers from Boden is extravagant .

It's also jolly nice to occasionally hand the DS or the DD a slip and a deposit for a school trip with a wink and say that's on mum and not to have to ask DH if it's OK

And to be fair, the dh only suggested the OP do some work from home.
He didn't demand the children be placed in a work house and she take up the captaincy of a ship in the merhcant navy.

To be honest, my first question would have been, what exactly he had in mind.

I forgot to add to the OP, YANBU.

As I said, it was only due to the reaction of my SIL and FIL, that I let the comment go. It was my SIL (who owns and manages a successful business) who stood up for me and helped me defend my decision to be a SAHM. Ironically, it was the same SIL who unwittingly influenced me back to paid work.

!

I don't view the money my DH earns as his. It is ours and goes into our joint account. Back when I was working my wages went into our joint account and was viewed as belonging to us both. I would no more ask my husband if my spending was okay, than I would fly to the moon. He wouldn't expect me to, and if he did we would have parted company long ago.

I think the issue of financial independence can be a red herring. It's a question of having the same ideas regarding money. For us, we see ourselves as a team, with different, but equally valid roles. The money belongs to us both because it wouldn't exist if one of us stopped doing what we do.