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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that some smokers are selfish f****?

380 replies

glitzalicious · 03/01/2011 21:23

so DH and I took my mum (who we rarely see for geographical reasons) and 9-month-old DS for lunch at a pricey restaurant in London today. It was freezing but there were no seats available inside, so at the suggestion of the waitress we sat at a table outside, near a patio heater, and ordered what looked set to be a very nice lunch.
A few minutes after we sat down, a woman in her 50s and her younger male companion came and sat on the table next to us, and both proceeded to light up cigarettes, inches from DS's face (the tables were extremely close together, and he was sitting on my mum's lap, happily eating his lunch). DH very politely asked the man if they would mind not smoking so close to the baby, to which he replied: "It's a free country". His leather-faced companion then gestured to a table at the other end of the al fresco area, with no heater anywhere near, and said: "Nobody's stopping you from moving". DH was quite stunned, and said: 'I think that's quite inconsiderate; it's really bad for the baby", and the bloke said: "I know", before shrugging his shoulders and turning back to his haggard old witch of a friend. I couldn't believe that people could be so selfish; to expect my DS (who had been sitting there before them) to either inhale all of their carcinogens (the fact the guy acknowledged that his habit was harmful to DC was quite shocking) or freeze, just so they could get their nicotine fix. Why the f* did they not move? We did get up and try to cancel our order; it was too late so we had to sit, completely freezing, in the heater-free zone. I have no axe to grind with smokers; if someone chooses to poison their own body it's no one's business but their own. But I would never think that others should suffer just so I could indulge a habit, and if someone were to ask me to stop doing something (talking too loudly in a restaurant etc) I would be so mortified at the prospect of impacting someone's enjoyment of their meal I would stop immediately, as they have just as much right to a nice lunch/dinner out as I do.
People always go on about a 'right to smoke': AIBU to think that right extends only to a smoker's home, or a child-free area? My blood is still boiling over those bastards!

OP posts:

TandB · 04/01/2011 16:19

Well I don't particularly get the impression that the OP is a terribly reasonable human being so I have no idea what she might or might not decide to do.

If it was too cold to move away from the heatlamp then it can't have been that toasty, even underneath it.

gordyslovesheep · 04/01/2011 16:20

sit out side and it's a risk you take - sit inside and you wont ever have to share your space with evil smokers

they where perfectly within their rights to smoke outside :)

and no I am not now a smoker

MumGoneCrazy · 04/01/2011 16:21

GoldenBear The point is that she had the choice of staying put or moving just like the other couple did and the other couple stood their ground so OP came on here saying ALL smokers should be banished to their homes practically which is against human rights.

You have the right not to smoke and we have the right to smoke, we both have the right to choose where we eat, sit, drink, play, smoke and shit and yes some people are inconsiderate in their choices, but to blame all is unfair.

I'm sick of all the dog shit in the park when I take my DC out but i'm not calling for a ban on dogs.

mutznutz · 04/01/2011 16:24

I have to say I would never shit in front of people eating...inside or out

MumGoneCrazy · 04/01/2011 16:26

Neither would I but some people are strange

aristomache · 04/01/2011 16:27

Which restaurant did this take place in please?

Goldenbear · 04/01/2011 16:29

usualsuspect it was not the smoking area, it was the outside area of a restaurant. These are not the same thing.
I am only precious about my child not stinking like an ashtray- I don't know why, something about the two that don't seem to compliment each other - smell of ashtray and baby smells. I am obviously slightly leftfield in my thoughts here!

mutznutz · 04/01/2011 16:29

I've just realised I do have some standards

mutznutz · 04/01/2011 16:30

To be fair the child's hardly going to stink like an ashtray being downwind of a cigarette in the open air for a couple of minutes...mind you it probably would stink of pollution being in the city lol

swanandduck · 04/01/2011 16:31

I agree that a lot of smokers do think that as long as they're not legally banned from smoking in a particular area then it's always okay for them to do so eg someone standing in the bus shelter on a rainy day puffing away on top of everyone because there's no law that says they can't and the people with a problem can just bloody stand outside in the rain.

I think the problem with restaurants is that there's usually a clear division - inside non smoking - outside for those who don't want to sit in the non smoking area. So the smokers tend to feel it's 'their' area and non smokers should sit inside if they have an issue.

However, that doesn't excuse rudeness and certainly the couple could have been a bit more polite in their refusal. (And, in an ideal world would have used their cop on and moved away a bit for the duration of the cigarette).

usualsuspect · 04/01/2011 16:35

Well if you were a real expert at being pfb what about the fumes from the gas patio heater [shock}

FellatioNelson · 04/01/2011 16:35

Good post and all very true swanandduck

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 04/01/2011 16:36

I've read this thread with great interest (OP your sense of entitlement is really quite something else) and I'm trying to work out whether I prefer babies or fags. Babies or fags. Hmmm.

manicbmc · 04/01/2011 16:37

Fags

CheeseChomper · 04/01/2011 16:57

I'm not sure why the OP is being flamed quite so much.

I can understand if the smoking couple had been there first, and then OP and baby sat down next to them and demanded that they didn't smoke- that would be unreasonable. However, the smoking couple were clearly rude and inconsiderate arseholes as came and chose to sit down next to family with baby and sparked up their fags, and the guy's response that he knew that smoking was bad for the baby showed that he was a twat (regardless of being a smoker or not).

I was a smoker pre-pregnancy, and used to sit outside pubs/restaurants in London in all weathers due to smoking ban, which I didn't mind. However, I never would've dreamed of lighting up next to small children/babies, or in close proximity to anyone obviously not smoking, without asking first, particularly if they were eating- it's just common courtesy, regardless of who was there first!

Obvs it wasn't great that OP was eating outside with baby in Jan, and tbh if that was me I probs would've gone elsewhere anyway.

CheeseChomper · 04/01/2011 16:57

I'm not sure why the OP is being flamed quite so much.

Obvs it wasn't great that OP was eating outside with baby in Jan, and tbh if that was me I probs would've gone elsewhere anyway.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 04/01/2011 17:20

I'm working on the theory there's been a little artistic licence in quite how that conversation actually went CheeseChomper, especially when considering OP's rather foul description of the chap's companion (who from what I can see did nothing wrong).

The crux of the matter is that those two people had as much right to sit outside under a patio heater as OP did, and as much right to smoke as well (regardless of people's personal views).

What's getting respondents' backs up is OP's view that having a baby somehow prioritises you above others, when really she should have sensibly taken her family to a restaurant where they could have sat inside in the warm and away from smoking areas and thus avoiding this whole drama jazz hands emoticon.

MumGoneCrazy · 04/01/2011 17:58

@ jazz hands emoticon

manicbmc · 04/01/2011 18:02

Why take a baby to a pricey restaurant? They tend not to be so child-friendly. Why not a nice middle of the range one where they cater more towards families?

Bogeyface · 04/01/2011 18:07

Manicbmc....

Because obviously as soon as the OP had her baby, the whole world changed to accomodate it!

manicbmc · 04/01/2011 18:11

Ahhh I see. Funnily enough I didn't notice that happening when I had twins and had to walk everywhere because we couldn't get on a bus with a double buggy.

charliesmommy · 04/01/2011 18:28

What I dont understand about this is, the OP had only just ordered their food when the couple sat down and smoked (in a permitted smoking area).. surely by the time their food arrived, the smoking couple would also be eating too, as I doubt they were going to sit there chain smoking.

The smokers probably assumed that anyone else mad enough to sit outside in sub zero temperatures were probably also smokers.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 04/01/2011 18:41

I'm an ex smoker and I probably wouldn't have chosen to sit near a family with a young baby to have a fag. However, I simply don't get the OPs predicament. Why on earth would you sit outside with a baby in this weather? If the restaurant was that great, surely you'd have booked beforehand? Nowhere's so amazing that the preferred option would be to sit outside and eat in this arctic weather!! You don't get to comandeer airspace once you've had a pfb - it's not as if the smokers came inside, sat at your table and lit up there!

salsmum · 05/01/2011 00:18

Judging by the OTs description of the people sat at the smoking table maybe her approach left a lot to be desired. If I hadn't realised there was a child/baby at a table and I lit up and the people at the baby table started coughing and spluttering (put on) and waving their hands in front of their faces before nominating hubby to rant ask me to move it would probably get my back up more than if someone just politely asked me to move without all the drama IYSWIM attitude attracts attitude in my opinion. I'm more surprised that the OP didn't just find some really ugly people to turf out of their seats inside the restaurant because that would have been off putting to have to look at ugly people while she eats..but god ugly people who smoke is like a double whammie I think maybe op should have pulled out her bio-degradable carrier bag and put it over smokers head.

fishtankneedscleaning · 05/01/2011 00:59

Sorry OP. You sat outside where the smokers congregate and thought they would not smoke because you had your baby with you? Come on!

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