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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that some smokers are selfish f****?

380 replies

glitzalicious · 03/01/2011 21:23

so DH and I took my mum (who we rarely see for geographical reasons) and 9-month-old DS for lunch at a pricey restaurant in London today. It was freezing but there were no seats available inside, so at the suggestion of the waitress we sat at a table outside, near a patio heater, and ordered what looked set to be a very nice lunch.
A few minutes after we sat down, a woman in her 50s and her younger male companion came and sat on the table next to us, and both proceeded to light up cigarettes, inches from DS's face (the tables were extremely close together, and he was sitting on my mum's lap, happily eating his lunch). DH very politely asked the man if they would mind not smoking so close to the baby, to which he replied: "It's a free country". His leather-faced companion then gestured to a table at the other end of the al fresco area, with no heater anywhere near, and said: "Nobody's stopping you from moving". DH was quite stunned, and said: 'I think that's quite inconsiderate; it's really bad for the baby", and the bloke said: "I know", before shrugging his shoulders and turning back to his haggard old witch of a friend. I couldn't believe that people could be so selfish; to expect my DS (who had been sitting there before them) to either inhale all of their carcinogens (the fact the guy acknowledged that his habit was harmful to DC was quite shocking) or freeze, just so they could get their nicotine fix. Why the f* did they not move? We did get up and try to cancel our order; it was too late so we had to sit, completely freezing, in the heater-free zone. I have no axe to grind with smokers; if someone chooses to poison their own body it's no one's business but their own. But I would never think that others should suffer just so I could indulge a habit, and if someone were to ask me to stop doing something (talking too loudly in a restaurant etc) I would be so mortified at the prospect of impacting someone's enjoyment of their meal I would stop immediately, as they have just as much right to a nice lunch/dinner out as I do.
People always go on about a 'right to smoke': AIBU to think that right extends only to a smoker's home, or a child-free area? My blood is still boiling over those bastards!

OP posts:

chaya5738 · 04/01/2011 12:12

I completely agree with the OP. This sort of this really annoys me too. Just because it is someone's "habit" doesn't mean they should inflict it upon everyone else. Sometimes I am tempted to go around with a can of flyspray and spray it in smokers' faces and then just say "oh, but it is just my habit."

It annoys me at busstops too. I will be happily waiting there with DD and some fkcer will light up. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

YADNBU.

mutznutz · 04/01/2011 12:28

You must be livid then when the bus pulls up...or do you want to spray fly spray at its exhaust pipe?

scurryfunge · 04/01/2011 12:31

giveitago · 04/01/2011 12:33

Ohh what a rude man but outside freezing your arse off is for the smokers so why you chose to sit there with a young baby and your mum in the cold as opposed to finding a restaurant where you could sit inside is beyond me.

Book a table next time?

FayeFife · 04/01/2011 12:36

What giveitago said...of course!

Go to another restaurant fgs. YOU chose to sit outside with your baby instead of dining inside in another eatery. Suck it up buttercup - contrary to your unyeilding belief that world rotates around your baby....it doesn't. Everyone else is just getting on with their day.

chaya5738 · 04/01/2011 12:37

No - we actually catch the bus (rather than drive) to reduce the pollution in the air.

The buses in my town are electric :)

And in any event, you can't draw a comparison between pollution caused by vehicles and smoking. The first is essential and the second is a chosen habit.

Goldenbear · 04/01/2011 12:38

It's not just the damage to the health that's my concern it is the offense to the nostrils! Cigarette smoke and smokers stink!
Of course the parents weren't more selfish, what a load of bollocks- so every parent should plan for every eventuality or consequence of stepping out their front door. If they don't they are arguably very selfish? Better not take my DS to the park this afternoon it is cold, there may be a dog their who could bite him, he may fall off the climbing frame. It would be very selfish of me to even think about going out!

ccpccp · 04/01/2011 12:40

"Yes they may have been selfish, but no more selfish, than the OP is making her child be outside in the cold, and clearly been put at risk by passive smoke fumes!" - altinkum

Not 'clearly' at all altinkum as when they arrived no-one was sat in their laps chuffing away with smoke billowing all over their child.

They have as much right to be there as a smoker, and at the same time have the right to expect that other peoples habits not ruin their dining experience. They asked politely that the smokers not smoke so close to a baby and were told to fcuk off.

I really dont know why you are defending the couple. Their behaviour was disgraceful.

"what health???? smoking outside is no more a "health risk" than fumes from a car etc..."

In your opinion. Mine and most of the non-smoking populations opinions differ. I guess that as smokers impose their habits on other people, its natural for them underplay the risk of a little lung damage.

TandB · 04/01/2011 12:41

Yes. Parents should put some thought into whether their plans for the day are suitable for their children, and be prepared to change if appropriate.

I want to take my son to the park. Oh look, it's raining. We'll go somewhere else instead.

I want to have lunch at Small and Impractical cafe. Oh look, there are no inside tables and only one heater. We'll go somewhere else instead.

Goldenbear · 04/01/2011 12:43

Fayefife where has she once said, implied that the world revolves around her baby- she didn't want some inconsiderate twat blowing smoke of him/her. How demanding some mothers can be??

mutznutz · 04/01/2011 12:46

Why do people keep mentioning the 'health' bit? There could have been no possible damage to this babyies health by being downwind of a cigarette for a few minutes in the wide open air.

So it's the smell? Would the OP have been furious if they had smelled strongly of an overbearing perfume/aftershave?

Or is it just pure 'smoker bashing' for the hell of it?

FayeFife · 04/01/2011 12:48

Ach I'm just reading between the lines and coming to my own conclusions.
Her language is righteous and inflamed, and suggestive of her outrage, thus leading me to assume her belief that baby trumps the situation.

I say it doesn't.

chaya5738 · 04/01/2011 12:51

"There could have been no possible damage to this babyies health by being downwind of a cigarette for a few minutes in the wide open air."

Classic smoker statement.

Ah, yes, you can actually have health problems from being exposed to a one-off incident of someone smoking next to you.

ccpccp · 04/01/2011 12:51

"Why do people keep mentioning the 'health' bit? There could have been no possible damage to this babyies health by being downwind of a cigarette for a few minutes in the wide open air."

Because smoking kills mutznutz, and most of us dont want to take even the slightest health risk to accomodate some strangers filthy habit.

Read the front of your fag packet - the warnings are printed in big black letters and cannot be downplayed

usualsuspect · 04/01/2011 12:52

MN likes a bit of smoker bashing ..haven't had a thread for a while though ,it was about due

FayeFife · 04/01/2011 12:52

Well CC - don't ever take your kids in the car because there's some proper arseholes driving about out there!

lecce · 04/01/2011 12:54

I don't know why you wanted to all sit huddled around one patio heater anyway. My experience of those is that the side of you that is near it can get burning hot, while the rest of you is freezing cold. If there are lots of them it can heat up the whole area but one is seldom sufficient, especially at this time of year. Why choose such an impractical place for lunch?

I am an occasional smoker and if I had planned a rare coffee and cigarette (and I am sometimes sad enough to plan and look forward to such things, when I have some rare free time without the dc I would be disappointed to find a baby in the only place on the premisis where I could smoke.

I wouldn't smoke near a baby but I would probably huff inwardly about selfish people who make babies sit outside in cold weather and spoil my plans. Who knows, I might even come on here and start a thread about it. If I did I would probably be told IWBU, and I would be. the world doesn't revolve around me or you and if people are doing something you don't like near you, you can move.

Find a nicer, roomier cafe with some plenty of tables indoors next time you want to eat in january.

lecce · 04/01/2011 12:54

Find a nicer, roomier cafe with some plenty of tables indoors next time you want to eat in january.

mutznutz · 04/01/2011 12:57

I don't smoke so how can I read my fag packet...or is that just another ridiculous assumption from the anti smoking brigade?

Classic smoker statement

Ah, yes, you can actually have health problems from being exposed to a one-off incident of someone smoking next to you

Oh get real!! In the open air for a few minutes?

Classic drama queen statement! Lock the child indoors forever...never to leave the house without a mask!

Goldenbear · 04/01/2011 12:59

I where did the OP say it was small cafe? From all accounts it was a 'good' restaurant which by default is popular, she was therefore offered a table outside near a heater, with wind shields around it, no sign of any other smokers, in fact there was another family sitting in the same area! This does not suggest a smoking zone as others have said. The Op agreed to sit their as it appeared perfectly suitable. I don't see what it is unreasonble about her thought process here? As I said before some posters clearly have not come across this restaurant set up as if they had they would realise that it is clearly an extension of the restaurant not some where to stick the smokers!

altinkum · 04/01/2011 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FayeFife · 04/01/2011 13:01

She'll have to Mutz. What with all those smokers everywhere...killing kids on a regular basis by smoking outside. (wink)

altinkum · 04/01/2011 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mutznutz · 04/01/2011 13:02

actually its not MY opinions, and where are these studies that one cigarette of passive smoking is going to "damage" a little lung?

In the wide open air?? Sorry but any baby with lungs that sensitive wouldn't survive a trip to London...let alone be able to sit outside and eat.

FayeFife · 04/01/2011 13:04

Or should that be

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